Friday, May 11, 2012

Tough Love and Fear

Man, I needed a gold star, a pat on the back, a "job well done" last night. Sigh. Who knew that when the phrase "Tough Love" was created they were talking about how tough it was on the parents. My two year old got to me last night. I made a threat. One not thought out. Call the authorities!! 

What a day. I am done making excuses. "He's tired." "He is not feeling well." "It's a new experience." "He's only two." Well I am done. Starting last night. I stuck to my guns last night and I refuse to let that be for nothing. 

I sent my 2.5 year old to bed last night at 6 pm. His normal bedtime is at 8. He did not get his bath. He did not get to read a book. He loves his routine and I deprived him of it.  I was really worried that meant hell night for me. . . .what with his pox and all. But I stuck with it. Consequences for both of us. He refused to stop throwing couscous on the floor. I made an idle threat. Shame shame. (Have any of you tried to clean up couscous from a floor? Those sticky little balls are my nemesis.)

I was shocked by how difficult this was for me. I thought that I would sail through this phase of parenting because I am totally good at being the bad guy. I am persistent and determined. . ..boy was I wrong! Being a parent makes me retrospective and totally apologetic to my parents. I never realized that when they punished me, they were making their lives harder in the process. So eye opening!

I stayed up far too late worrying about how badly the night was going to suck and what God awful hour Eli was going to wake up at. Really constructive and intelligent. I know. Perhaps my husband is correct to question my "genius." On the flip side, I read this. And laughed til I cried. (I have hopes that people share my blogs as much as I share others. .. . I have this crazy idea that my ramblings can help or at least brighten someone's day. If I cannot be useful, I do try to be entertaining.)

I finally went to bed. I dreamed that I was pregnant. Though my dream didn't last 9 months, it was one of those really long life like and accurately mundane dreams. I was super excited until I delivered a dead baby. 

After all of my strong words about fear yesterday.. . .I am still afraid. 

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