Friday, January 8, 2016

Selfie Take 2

Y'all probably thought I was joking. Sadly....I am deathly serious. THIS IS my resolution! In all of my free time, I will be perfecting my selfie. Apparently, free time = oral hygiene time. This one is pretty good....for my toothbrush. It manages to look curvy and thin all that the same time.

It looks like I only have one boob.

I'm a little jealous of my toothbrush. Form and function.

Hangs head.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

SQT- Paying it Forward

I am super spoiled. I got a laptop for Christmas. I blame Santa...really...what's he gonna do? I was truly THAT good last year and I think he would have done just about ANYTHING to get me to stop singing Santa baby. I wrote my first blog in 1.2 million years last night. It felt so good that I kindly asked my husband if I could once again spend my evening with my face glued to my new Christmas present, you I could gift the world with a blog post of grammatical errors, pitiful slang, sporadic and inappropriate curse words and copious amounts of photos to fill in the blank spaces. It's my way of paying it forward, yo. I was really looking forward to completing this act of charity tonight.

Before I could blog, I had to get my angelic boys to bed. Oh bedtime, how you vex me. Why did I think having all 3 boys in the same room was a good idea? Why did God think I could survive the gift of 3 uber talkative boys? I fear HE might have misjudged me. After 30 minutes, my temper was rearing her ugly head. I decided to bust out my new prayer journal and sit my butt down outside their bedroom door. Surely transcribing prayer would settle the temper down. Surely? Sadly not tonight....the rage is strong with me. . . .I took a second to thank God for Dragon Time which kept me from losing all control and becoming a fire-breathing she beast. Still, after an hour and a half of whack-a-mole my will to live is gone...let alone my will to blog.
This beauty keeps me out of's literally the shizzzzz.

I am seriously excited about my Saint for 2016. Seriously! I have had a lifelong interest in the lives of the Saints and the past 2 years I have been thrilled to learn about the saints I got...but this year was so perfect. I mean....PERFECT. The Patron of Impossible Cases! Ask my husband....If I am anything at all, I am an impossible case! To make it even more delicious, it is a Saint I did not know about.

ST RITA: Patron of impossible cases, difficult marriages, and parenthood

The learning got PERSONAL!   A light bulb was illuminated in my pea brain and I bought myself a nice leather journal to organize my battle. I am waging a spiritual war this year of Mercy. Instead of flailing about wildly and  wielding snark like a weapon as is my normal M.O., I am turning over a new leaf, inspired by this amazing prayer. Seriously, the tone is right up my alley and I enjoyed praying it every night. I think I may have been fighting my trial and tribulations with the wrong tools. I've got my Battle Book ready. Let's DO THIS! 
Oration to the Saint of the Impossible
O excellent St. Rita, worker of miracles, from thy sanctuary in Cascia, where in all thy beauty thou sleepest in peace, where thy relics exhale breaths of paradise, turn thy merciful eyes on me who suffer and weep!
Thou seest my poor bleeding heart surrounded by thorns Thou seest, O dear Saint, that my eyes have no more tears to shed, so much have I wept! Weary and discouraged as I am, I feel the very prayers dying on my lips.
Must I thus despair in this crisis of my life? O come, St. Rita, come to my aid and help me. Art thou not called the Saint of the Impossible, Advocate to those in despair? Then honor thy name, procuring for me from God the favor that I ask.
[Here ask the favor you wish to obtain.]
Everyone praises thy glories, everyone tells of the most amazing miracles performed through thee, must I alone be disappointed because thou hast not heard me? Ah no! Pray then pray for me to thy sweet Lord Jesus that He be moved to pity by my troubles and that, through thee, O good St. Rita, I may obtain what my heart so fervently desires.
(Pray the Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father, three times.)

If your interest has been piqued, you too could generate a Saint for 2016. Make a new friend. Learn a new prayer. Start your own battle! The power of prayer can change your world. Seriously, I have seen improvement already! I am tempted to start praying that my hubby to discover a love of dancing with his beloved wife. It could happen!! Stay tuned! Check it out!

Oh wait! I know it's belated...but Happy New Year! We had a rip-roaring crazy night! I hope it was memorable for all of you as well!
No lies. This was taken at 7:09 pm.

I don't normally set New Year Resolutions....and if I do set them, I rarely remember that I did. But ya know....this year, I might prove myself wrong. I turned 40 last year, clearly my memory and willpower is only getting better, right?  I got in better shape, I am feeling pretty good these days. I have no way of proving that on the interwebs so in 2016 I have committed myself to mastering the selfie. Trout pout and all.
Note to's early days and this criticism is constructive, do not give up, but seriously Bex....Lose the hat. You look like a cone head. And profile? Maybe not your strong suit, unless you were TRYING to look like this guy:

Photo credit: gadgetdude via Visual Hunt / CC BY

I have a year, it may take the entire year but...I think I can...I think I can!

Meet Marv
I love this boy despite the fact that I have never met him. I just know deep in my heart that he would be a wonderful addition to a family! Your family? Do you know the family for him? Please share! He has 22 months before he ages out and can no longer be adopted. Let's find him a family! You can get more information HERE.

Man, I am glad I did this! Paying it forward feels GOOOOD!

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain't the Lyceum!


“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

Every year on this day. Pow. A punch to the gut.

Every year I blog about this day. It all started HERE.

Yes, you ARE welcome. One of these years I will get it right. I will sit back with a satisfied grin and high five myself repeatedly. I want to get all the beauty in this struggle. Every year, I am left wanting more from my retelling. So yall, just bear with me...because some day, this blog is going to totally knock your socks off!

Every year, I know this day is coming. I don't fear it. do not mourn everyday; I do not cling to loss or sadness. There is nothing to mourn. I do not believe that love dies and I have not lost Beckett. He is well. He is happy. He is still my darling baby boy and I am proud to be his mama It is just another day until it arrives. And then it's the 6TH and it feels like I am giving Shaq a piggy back while carrying Roseanne in my Ergo. All. Day. Long. I am not angry. I am not sad per se but man, I could weep. I could rage. Today I am confused by the intensity of this I am okay and not okay at the same time....and I am thinking it could be PMS. The gift that makes a sane woman look one fry short of a Happy Meal. Shaq and Roseanne successfully slow me down enough that I can mull things over.

On this day I get to revisit the beauty and brutality of seeing my precious Beckett in the flesh, of counting his precious toes and reveling in the tiny miracle in my hand. I have another chance to try and grasp the miraculous in the devastating loss.  Today is  my Beckett day.

So, today, I placed flowers at Beckett's grave. Happy Beckett day baby boy! I can still smell the Baby's Breath. What a lovely innocent scent.

This miscarriage malarky is a bitch. It confounds the dictionary in my brain. I want to wish him a Happy Birthday, but it technically isn't a birth day. It's a loss day, but that doesn't fit either because on this day I got to see and hold my sweet boy for a brief moment. So, what does one call it? I have heard "brutiful" thrown around and it fits but only kinda. Happy Brutiful Day? Maybe it will grow on me. Maybe not.

As I said above, I do not believe love dies. I still have mad love for baby Beckett, 4 years after saying hello and goodbye. It is a beautiful thing. If you stay open to that love, it can and will transform your life completely. Out of sadness, confusion and pain, a new life and deeper understanding was born. For that I will be forever grateful

Beckett, baby boy. I hold you in my heart. You bring me joy and I love believing that you and Gramma are hanging out right now...giggling over the mismatched pajama/tortilla chip/couch potato situation I am currently in. You changed my life in such a aching, beautiful way. KISSES!

To Grams: I love you so much. Hug that sweet baby boy for me...and if there is anyway to send me a picture or a video of him laughing that would be rad. Thanks!

To all the doctors that advised abortion over and over: I still fight the urge to poke your eyes out...but I forgive you. Down Syndrome is not to be feared. People are not to be discarded. No one is perfect and to quote the beloved Dr Seuss:
"A person's a person, no matter how small."

To all the loved ones that comforted me with the idea that we dodged a bullet....I love you so much and I know you were trying to love me through a tough situation. Beckett was never a bullet to be dodged. Beckett was/is a perfect blessing just the way God made him.

To all the LADIES! To every woman given the devastating news during pregnancy that something might be different about their baby. To the woman struggling after a difficult diagnosis. I totally understand. I was scared, I was blindsided, I felt unprepared, inept and completely alone. Take a deep breath and please read the following post from an amazing adoptive mama, it spoke to my heart. IF you are worried about how a child with special needs will change your life and/or the lives of your family read this, reach out; you are not alone.

"If you're thinking about adopting a kid whose earning potential is $0, who has zero chance of becoming a Nobel Prize winner, or a CEO, whose greatest accomplishment in life might be learning to play peekaboo or holding onto his stuffed bear, and you're wondering how it will affect your other, more typical kids, then please listen to what I'm about to say, and know I mean it with all of my heart: Love will grow in your house in ways you couldn't even contemplate. Your perspective of success and the value of human worth will evolve so fast that you won't believe it's possible. You'll see your kids grow in compassion, in thoughtfulness, in tenderness, in love, in patience in understanding, in wisdom, in tolerance, and in hope, in ways that nothing else can cause. And one day, you'll realize that the kid who doesn't speak, who doesn't walk, who doesn't "do" anything, has done more for your family in helping them see Jesus than any church service, book, song, or anything else ever could, and that same kid is just as much an essential and productive and involved member of your family as everyone else and you won't be able to understand why other people don't see him the way you all do, why they don't hear his different noises and automatically translate that into English, or see his facial expressions and know exactly what he's trying to convey, and you'll feel sorry for everyone else that's living the "American dream" life with 2.5 typical kids because they are missing out on the greatest joy in life."

To all the Mamas that have lost babies. I feel you. Never feel like you can't talk about it. You are NOT ALONE! Your baby lives and loves on. Find the people that can bear this with you!  If you dont have that me! I am here!

To all the sister-friends: Bear with your sisters. Listen until you cant listen anymore....and then listen some more. Open your heart and share life with your lady friends. Embrace this journey with your fellow sisters. Walk beside them and let them walk beside you.

To all the awesome Adoptive Mamas out there: Easy is boring! :) Messy is beautiful!  You have shown me courage, compassion, you rock my world and when /if I grow up I want to be so much more like you! Keep on keeping on and thank you for sharing this journey with me and my little family!

To all those considering adoption.....DO IT! SERIOUSLY....and....have you seen this amazing boy?

Marv (1)
Meet Marvelous Marv. 

Happy Beckett Day everyone!