Tuesday, September 25, 2012


God speaks to me the loudest in the shower. Perhaps the acoustics are best in there? Perhaps it is because showering is all about purity, cleaning away the mess of life.  AND people are pretty vulnerable in the shower. (Psycho.) For whatever reason, THIS is where God speaks to me. (For those that picture me sitting in a dark room, blinds closed, sobbing my eyes out...I am up and about. And I am happy to announce I have showered. Count me down but NOT OUT!)

God has been speaking to me, but I have been refusing to listen. My heart has been too broken with the loss of Pasha on top of the losses of Beckett and Lazarus. To be honest, I really felt that God was pushing me a little to hard. Oh what a lovely pity party I have been having.

I was looking at it ALL WRONG. Of course, if there is a wrong way to do something or approach a situation, you can count on me to find it!

My hubby and I started the adoption process knowing there was a chance that Pasha may not be available. We ran forward anyways. Perhaps God used Pasha and his perfectly lovable smile to nudge us forward. This I cannot figure out, but the bottom line is this. When I started this process, I considered myself pregnant. .. the tears and emotional roller coaster supported this. Adoption is pregnancy.

Now, let me make this abundantly clear. I am speaking for myself. Only me. This is where I am at.

Almost a year ago I was pregnant. Oh, I had dreams of my perfect baby. .. the beauty that I could not stand. . .perfection in every way. When I was told that my baby was NOT perfect, I was devastated. Destroyed. God picked me back up and I still LOVED  my baby and with time accepted that my baby would still be perfect to me and to God. I was again eager to meet him and love him forever.

How alike are these two journeys? In my pregnancy with Pasha, I was also delivered the blow that my baby will not be the Perfect, Adorable, Tiny baby I thought. How should I respond? Allow devastation and disappointment and then tell God thank you. HE is STILL opening all the doors to give me a child that I will adore, love and find perfect in every way. ..precious and lovable. SO WHAT if that child is not the child I was expecting. . .my faulty thinking gets in the way of reveling in the possibility. The miraculous gift God is offering me. This is all SO much bigger than my pea brain can comprehend.

I resolve to stop thinking and attempting to second guess God's plan in my life. What abundant joy he is offering. I need only to accept it. God is literally blowing my mind.

God is showering me with life, support and miraculous love. Who could ask for anything more?

Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Call

The picture changed our lives. We were called to rush forward. To tell everyone we met that we LOVED him and were rushing to him to tell him just that. We were called to shower him with love and provide for him.

As much as I tried to keep myself from getting too attached before he was in my arms, I could not help myself. I mean, come on. .. look at him. He is precious beyond words. I could not wait to smooth his wispy hair, hear his giggle. Watch his eyes light up with joy. Learn his personality. Watch him grow. When we got our travel date, I was ecstatic!

Then, on Thursday, a miracle happened. My husband and I agreed upon a name for this sweet little boy.  You have NO idea what a monumental undertaking that was! We had our travel dates, so much excitement AND a name. Amazing.

Early Friday another call came. THE call. The dreaded call. I almost didn't answer. I thought I had braced myself for this possibility, I was wrong. In under 30 days we will not be holding Pasha. I will not get to wrap those perfect fingers around my own finger. I will not get to kiss those sweet cheeks and tell him how loved he truly is. I will not get to snuggle the boy I have been dreaming about for the past 4 months. Pasha is being adopted domestically. Poof. Like that. The dream turned to dust.

Happy news for our sweet little munchkin, he WILL have a family. He will be free from the orphanage soon enough. I pray wholeheartedly that his life be long and blissfully happy. I also pray that he felt our love while he waited. ..

Oh, every time I see this picture my heart breaks a little more. I honestly did not think I would react so strongly to news that I knew was a possibility.

My husband and I are praying fervently that God illuminates our path from here. The wind has been knocked out of our sails and we are working to establish a direction.

Please pray for Pasha and his family. May their process fly so that they can incorporate him into their family very quickly!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The BIG 1-0-0!

So. . .this is my 100th post, A MILESTONE. I never thought I would be a blogger, never aspired to broadcast my crazy and yet... here I am, doing just that. I am ever so grateful to the people that have stopped in to catch up with me, to the readers that have supported me and have become wonderful friends despite my inability to really get my point across on this blog. A whole new world has opened up to me and I LOVE IT! So. . how to commemorate my 100th blog post?

I have so many thoughts rushing through my brain right now .. a report about my 80s Party Fundraiser (with pictures) a status update on the adoption. But I refuse! I dont want my 100th post to be about business. So here is my life in song. My recent life anyways. A girl has to retain a few secrets and maintain some mystery. ..

Yes, the styles are varied, some of these songs became part of my life through no choice of my own and I love them even more for that. Life is beautiful, especially when set to music. Enjoy!

Our Wedding Song. .. even though I lobbied hard for Betterman by Pearl Jam, we actually danced to this song. Anyone that debates dance lessons before your wedding. .. debate NO longer. TAKE THEM! I nearly lost both big toenails from this dance alone. (not kidding.)

OH Lazarus, child of my heart, this is our song. You know it. I know it. . .I heard it the other day and tried to sing through my tears.  .. didnt hit a single note, but I loved hearing it anyways. I LOVE YOU!  And your beautiful soul. You changed my life forever my dear boy.

Eli. . .even though we have since moved on, (to even cooler songs if you must know) our song is a toss up between the A-Team Theme song and this one. .. you sang this one more so I am sticking with it! That and it is so us! Quirky, silly and more than a little weird. I love it and YOU to the moon and back! To be honest, my all time favorite song is whatever song you happen to be singing at that moment. I adore you!

Beckett: I find it interesting that the week after we lost you, this song was on every single time I was in the car despite the fact that it was over 5 years old.  It is the perfect song for you and me. I strangely love that my heart breaks every time I hear it.


Sweet Pasha: Every time I hear the chorus of this song, your sweet face pops into my head and I get butterflies. SOON!

Me: I have had many theme songs through the years. Two have stuck and I cannot choose between them. You lovely people get to hear both. 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The quickest quick takes ever

--- 1 ---
Oh man ..Kara has left the building! I have a chance to be first. An outside chance but a chance nonetheless. ..Oh yeah! There is a new sheriff in town. . .I am dedicating this entire post to Kara and the chance to be the first to post tonight. Oh, and to the SUPER large DQ Blizzard that is my date for the night. I know it is too early to know for sure.  .but I think Mr DQ and I are going to be good friends.

--- 2 ---
I am not Betty Crocker, June Cleaver or Martha Stewart. Not even close. My poor husband lives with this disappointment every day. I sometimes try. I have a plot in our Community Garden. This is my first year and I have loved the fresh produce. . but now it is literally coming out of my ears. My fridge is overrun with mammoth zucchini and tomatoes. I tried to use the zucchini by making bread... I made three batches one day, my husband declared that his cholesterol level would not permit him to partake in any. .. .so after I cleaned it off the wall I vowed no more bread. (really I am kidding. I ate the whole loaf myself. I hate cleaning so I really wouldn't give myself more to clean.) There are 5 hurking zukes in my fridge as I type. Pardon me for a moment.. .I need to pay a little attention to my date here.
--- 3 ---
Mmmmmmm. Reece's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard. You make me smile. You also make me fat, but since that fact isn't removing the smile from my face. .. you can stay.
--- 4 ---
So to tackle my surplus, in a freak Martha Stewart moment, I snagged my Mom's old dehydrator. .. it looks like it is from 1978, but it works. SUPER EXCITED, I set out to dry 321 grape tomatoes, 2 aging bananas and 5 hulking zukes. I had to call my sister twice to make sure I knew what I was doing. The tomatoes and bananas are drying as I type. What didn't occur to me was that my ENTIRE house would gain an overwhelmingly bitter, tangy, sharp tomato smell with just enough banana scent thrown in to turn my stomach. Are "real" homemakers immune to these side effects of frugality? Is there a pill I can take to assist me in attaining this immunity?

--- 5 ---
I lost a son in January in my 14th week of pregancy. Up until that moment I knew nothing about Down Syndrome. It was not on my radar. My son would have been born with Down Syndrome and I was honestly devastated by the diagnosis but even more shattered by the loss of him. My eyes have been forever opened and my life has been enriched in ways I never could have imagined. So much so. Stories like this MAKE MY DAY! Wake up people. . .stop trying to limit people, define people and hold people back! http://www.wltx.com/video/784219182001/0/Teacher-Born-With-Down-Syndrome-Breaks-Stereotype
--- 6 ---
I heard a rumor that we may be traveling to meet and claim our boy in as little as 4 weeks! That is 3 weeks faster than I thought! I am super excited but also super stressed. Raising funds is NOT easy or fun for me. It seems that some people have a knack for this. .. I am not one of them. (I know it seems that I am completely lacking in skill. .. which is sometimes true.) Please pray that the funds appear so that I can focus on what is truly important in this process. Look at that boy, is he not just the cutest? Check out our giveaway? 4alittleloco.blogspot.com/2012/08/whats-at-stake-do-not-miss-out.html
--- 7 ---
This has been a rough couple of weeks for a lot of people. I have been praying so fervently for so many people. So much tragedy that I am finding it difficult to keep a stiff upper lip. So with a deep breath I will leave you with my all time favorite song. Have a blessed weekend everyone!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Monday, August 20, 2012

What's at stake- do not miss out.

Hello kind folks! Our giveaway is still going and is set to finish August 31st, soon   September 20th but sadly we are no where near our goal of $2500 for this giveaway. I totally understand that people are tapped out, I would never say that our adoption is at risk if we do not make the $4900  $3400 $1836 that we truly need to make. That's right. ..we now only need $1836!!  If it means that we take out a loan or put that amount on a credit card, we will have to do so, Pasha will not be kept waiting because of our failure to raise the needed funds. I am eager to get to him as soon as humanly possible!

That being said, if we could get Pasha home without incurring debt, that would be FABULOUS. We have an amazing giveaway going on. Find our amazing giveaway here. 

Perhaps people have not entered this drawing because they cannot visualize the vacation. There are 5150 resorts to choose from. The certificate is good for a year, so really you could have ample time to find availability in a wide range of places!! Take a peek! 


Palm Springs


Of course I cannot post 5150 photos on here. . .but if you want to take a gander, feel free! Your vacation awaits you! If you are not fussed over a vacation, there are other awesome prizes in this giveaway! A Kindle Fire, a CD Autographed by the uber beautiful Blake Shelton (swoon) AND a wonderful photo keepsake!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Quick Takes Friday-Late to the party

--- 1 ---
I threw the gauntlet down last week, I told Kara that I would be the first to post my quick takes, and it would amaze her to tears....I failed. Not only did I not post it first, I may not have posted 23rd. I considered not writing at all. . .it just didn't have as much appeal knowing that Kara bested me once again.  No, in case you were wondering. I am not competitive.
--- 2 ---
Eli should be napping. He has been so contrary lately, I just lacked the inspiration to turn it around. . I know, he is two. .but still some of the crap he pulls ...I just shake my head. He used to run up to strangers and say "hello Man!" "Hello Lady." He would get very upset if they did not acknowledge his greeting. Now, if someone says hello to him he turns his head away. He wont speak. He wont look at them. My friendly child has morphed into a fart head. A friend met me on the street today (more on  my street walking  later) and he asked me if I have tried opposites yet. I had not. So he knelt down in front of Eli and said "Don't you look at me Eli. Do not even try. Nuh uh. . ." Eli looked at me and started wailing. Needless to say my friend made a quick exit after that and I pointed the stroller back to the car. All the way home Eli asked, "Mama, why that man say that?" None of my answers satisfied his question. So instead I responded, "Don't  you tell Mama you love her. .don't you do it! And you best not tell her she is pretty." Yes, my darling boy is running around the house laughing and shouting, "I love you Mama, you're so pretty." Marvelous!

--- 3 ---
Our morning. . .what a waste of effort. I went and printed off $45 dollars worth of flyers for our Epic 80s Dance Party fundraiser for our adoption. This party is going down next Saturday so Eli and I took them downtown to beg businesses to let us post them in their window. We were having awesome luck. .. but it was hard, sweaty work pushing that stroller in and out of every business...hahah I am such a wuss. .. so after a bit I decided to visit a friend at work. Eli was thrilled with the break as was I. . .that was short lived. I get an email from the establishment hosting the party that wording on the flyer needs changed. .. .DOH! I cut my visit short to fix the error. ..on the way to the car my  friend calls to let me know that she has no idea when the 80s party is.. ."Silly, you have the flyer... " "Yes, yes I do.. . and I hate to be the one to tell you that there is NO DATE ON IT." What? AWESOME! How many businesses will I get to revisit with corrected signage? Oh vey.
--- 4 ---
I have a tattoo. I know not everyone loves tattoos. ..but I love mine. It is such a vivid memory of such a magical day.. .one that I revisit every so often. It is a tiny tattoo.. ..not visible. . .. not something I got to show anybody else. It is just mine. I am neither here nor there on the tattoo issue.. .but if Eli wants to get one, I am sure I will hit the roof. Hypocrite!!! He tested this out earlier in the week. . time out! Time out! Time out! Will that work when he is 18? Should I try the opposite game with this?

--- 5 ---
My giveaway is still going...I am trying not to fret by the slow nature of this fundraising business. We were submitted to Pasha's country yesterday. WHOOP WHOOP! That means we should be traveling to get him within 8 weeks. .. not much time to raise the rest of our funds... especially when no ones knows the date of our Epic 80s party. . .here is the link to the giveaway:  http://4alittleloco.blogspot.com/2012/08/give-it-away-give-it-away-give-it-away.html
--- 6 ---
I am offering a Haiku to anyone that donates $50 or more. I love a good Haiku. Writing them can actually be a little addictive. I may chose to speak in Haiku.
Oh, Justin Bieber
I don't understand your pull
Please just go away

I am totally not singling the Bieb's out. . .you can totally insert any number of names in here, like Katy Perry anything with the right number of syllabels.

For example:
Oh, Bachelor Pad
I don't understand your pull
Trashy, trashy, Trash

See how fun??

CSI spinoff
twenty-seven point four five
fresh concept needed
--- 7 ---

Eli should be napping. .instead he is still shouting about how much he loves me and just how pretty I am.. .finding it really hard to be cross with him. It might affect my prettiness. . . I just sent hubby in to check on him and evidently Eli was standing in his bed singing and dancing to this....Hubby was not pleased. Evidently Elmo's musical contribution is not considered worthwhile."Don't you tell me you love me. Don't you do it, Hubby.. " Sigh.. didn't work this time. 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Monday, August 13, 2012


What a slacker blogger I have turned out to be. I apologize for my absences. I didn't plan to be absent but don't be sad or angry, none of you wanted a play by play of the paper chase. Trust me. Unless you're an insomniac, then perhaps THAT is exactly what you wanted out of me.

There are so many aspects of my life right now that are out of my control, the least I could do was filter. . for the kind folks that read my blog. Control *giggle* what a misnomer, eh? The illusion of control is a good frenemy to me, despite the fact that it is indeed an illusion. I am a fair weather friend to control. I only want the illusion of control in some instances, mostly when I want to control others... .Yes, I am that lovely.

I do not want control over myself. NOPE. For example, I claim NO control over my weight. Nope. . .it cannot possibly be my addiction to donuts and ice cream. . .those pesky 15 are simply out of my control. . .I swear!

Yahoo SeriousThe sad state of my hair. .. also outside my realm of control. It literally boggles the mind. . .that I finally got my hair cut and it looks like THIS... hmmm....I would be better off with a flo-be.

Instead, I like to believe that I have control over my 2.5 year old. .. even when faced with the truth that I have NO control over when it is that he decides to loudly MOAN in the middle of Mass. I also have no control over the fact that my dear husband decides to respond to this moan with some sort of pro-wrestling move meant to restrain said 2.5 year moaner .. .but instead turned that moan into an ear piercing scream. That. That I believe I should have some sort of control over. . ..

I don't, but I CAN pluck my hair out by the handful. Because THAT helps! (it helps just as much as over the top wrestling move in the middle of Mass...just saying because had you been in church with us yesterday you would have witnessed both awesome responses..Kara doesn't that MAKE you want to move here?) Side note- 2.5 year old and Momma went to time out in the lobby for the rest of Mass.. .kneeling on cold lino is my penance....

I sat down thinking I could control my mind and fingers enough to complete a post this morning, but my child is choosing to ask what is on every spoonful of cereal prior to placing the spoon into his mouth. A super fun game for all involved.

I believe that God is up there answering prayers and watching over his beloved people. . .just waiting for us to turn to Him and ask for a hand. . ..but most of us (like me) instead choose to fret about our inability to turn water into wine.. .and resign ourselves to the sad truth that if there is to be wine, it must be purchased...I wonder if God is up there rolling his eyes at me. 

So why is it that I cling so tightly to this illusion that I can control the totally uncontrollable thing? Ie, my child, my husband, this adoption. . ..the driving habits of the person in front of me. It is a lesson in frustration and yet I persist.. ..

Just pondering my pigheadedness makes me crave a donut. .. . and a larger pair of yoga pants.

For those that came here hoping for an adoption update, I am sorry. You have absolutely no control over what I post here. . .sucks, eh?
I relent. We should be submitted on Thursday and then if all goes well (begging God for this to be the case) we should receive travel dates in 5-6 weeks.. ..
In the meantime.. . if you want updates, these can be purchased from me ..haha. Totally kidding..but please DO share our giveaway and keep us in your prayers!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Lookie Cookie! Can I join the party?

--- 1 ---
 I am blushing and grinning with pride. .. I get to join the big girl party today! I feel like I did when I got my ears pierced. Big thank you to Kara for helping me get sorted and for basically being all SORTS of awesome! (No she did not pay me to say that.. .but she can if she wants too....it's for Pasha Kara. .. how can you resist?)

--- 2 ---
Not only did our final document make it to Pasha's country today, we are ready to be submitted next week, which is flipping incredible. . ..That I did not grossly mess up any of the forms is seriously a miracle. I am trying desperately to remember who I was asking intercession from. .. because this could qualify as a miracle! Not kidding!
I am beside myself with excitement. .. God willing VERY soon I will get to meet the sweetest little guy. . .. here come the tears again.
--- 3 ---
So, that being said...our adoption is flying and we still have about $5800 left to raise and to help bridge that gap we have a giveaway that starts TODAY! Bring it on! There is a 7 day time share up for grabs, ANYWHERE there is availability .. .the sky is the limit here! If that doesn't fit the bill, there is also a Kindle Fire up for grabs. .. really go check it out! As soon as I win my Ipad from one of the other giveaways. . .I may add that to the giveaway as well.. . .you will just have to check back often! http://4alittleloco.blogspot.com/2012/08/give-it-away-give-it-away-give-it-away.html
--- 4 ---
My 2.5 year old refused to eat dinner tonight. I refused to make him something else. If he had his way, he would live on plain noodles. .. .it has to stop! He is currently in bed refusing to sleep. Calgon?? Take me away?
--- 5 ---
I have a $17 dollar rebate to Costco (earned from my purchases last year.) This blasted certificate has been in my purse for approximately TOO MANY months. .. it is becoming soft and crumpled with the abuse it receives in my purse. I have been to Costco a shocking number of times since receiving this rebate. .. . I went to Costco this morning. As I walked in, I told Eli, "today Mama is going to remember to use her rebate! Isn't she?!?!" Well, she didn't. It is like I walk past the Keurig and my memory is wiped clean. . .I spend the rest of my visit desperately trying not to spend $500 and I completely forget that $17 rebate.  Failure.
--- 6 ---
FOOTBALL!  GO STEELERS! WAY TO START PRE-SEASON WITH A LOSS! Preparing Steeler fans everywhere for a season of last minute disappointment?? And yet, I cannot help but love them. ..looking forward to watching Polamalu dominate!
--- 7 ---

Did I mention that my 2.5 year old is refusing to sleep? I have had the joy of getting up approximately 6 times now. . .it is hard to complete a thought that way! Oh, will the fun ever end? It's a good thing he is cute!

 I am super excited to finally get it together enough to participate in Quick Takes!!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Give it away, give it away, give it away now. . . .

THIS GIVEAWAY WILL END SEPTEMBER 20TH.  You STILL have a chance to enter AND win!. . .The Giveaway! Are you folks even ready for this??

***Prize numero uno*** 
7 days in a RCI Timeshare. ..anywhere there is availability! A week accommodation! Bring on the vacation! You want to win this prize!! I want to win this prize! A massive thanks to Naomi for donating this!!

Need a vacation? Desperate for a vacation? How about enjoying a 7 day vacation in a RCI timeshare? Have you checked out the beautiful mountains of Virginia? Maybe you'd rather spend a week on the rides in Orlando? Perhaps gambling on the strip in Las Vegas is your idea of a great getaway? These are only a few of the great vacation spots for you to choose from. Keep in mind if you are extremely flexible with travel dates, there are so many more places to choose from. 

*Restrictions: must be booked 45 days before date of intended travel. Can be used anywhere there is available inventory. One year to use certificate after activation. Can be used outside of the United States where inventory is available. (ONE YEAR TO USE! Can be used for vacation next year!)****DONATE HERE*******

***Prize number 2*** 

As if the first prize wasn't enough... . thanks to a SUPER generous Michele K we have a Kindle Fire up for grabs! ****DONATE HERE*******

***Prize number 3*** 

An Autographed CD Yup...Autographed by the super pretty Blake Shelton! ****DONATE HERE*******

***Prize number 4*** 

A precious photo keepsake kindly donated by Julia W.

A set of three accordion albums, a press-printed wallet sized album of photographs. They are perfect to put in your pocket, purse, set up on your desk or put on your refrigerator. These are ideal gifts for proud Grandparents! (The winner will supply the photographs to be used in the album.) ****DONATE HERE*******

Some example images:

***The rules***


Entry chart:

Donation of $10 = 1 entry 

Donation of $20=  3 entries

Donation of $35=  5 entries 

Donation of $50= 15 entries + a personalized Haiku written by yours truly

Donation of $65= 20 entries 

You also get a FREE entry (no purchase necessary here!!) for every time you share this giveaway on your blog, twitter, pinterest, facebook, email, Tshirt or a billboard in your neighborhood. (Entries for sharing limited to once a day.)You MUST remember to comment on this blog post to let me know you have shared/donated. You do not want to miss out on entries into this giveaway! 

How to donate:

You may donate to our fsp/grant "donate" button above which is through Reece's Rainbow and is tax deductible. There is a button to the left of this post with a lovely picture of Pasha above it, or follow this LINK. If you wish to pay by a different method, please leave a comment below. 


This giveaway will end on Friday August 31st (9pm PDT) pending a goal of at least $2,500.00 has been met! If we have not reached our goal on this date, the giveaway will be extended until the goal has been met. Once the goal has been met, I will post on my blog and facebook that a 24 hour notice has been given for people who would like to enter, then a winner will be selected via random.org

Friday, August 3, 2012

My version of quick takes. . .

I am working up to seven so I can play with the big kids.. .baby steps for me.


How is it that I can go to the same person, with the same picture and the same head and walk out with a DIFFERENT haircut every single time? What in the world am I doing wrong? I am about to pull a Sinead O'Conner. . .

Painting with my son used to be SO fun! Oh, the colors and the shapes, so pretty. They always had a place on the fridge or the wall. Recently, he prefers to mix all of the colors together to create this beautiful poop color. . .. I am sorry but I just dont want to hang that anywhere. Surely I am offending an artist somewhere, but I just miss colors. .. .plural.

I am eagerly awaiting for the very last piece of paper for our adoption. . .before the real waiting game begins. BRING IT ON!!! We are ready!
Ralph and Oliver have matching grants. ..haven't you always wanted to double your money?? Make it go twice as far? Ask and ye shall receive! Every single dollar you donate to one of these boys will magically turn into 2. DO IT! It is amazing to participate in!



I am on strike today. I am not making dinner tonight. I didnt make dinner last night either. I went to bed at 5:30. .. . and YES! I say that with pride. I might do it again tonight! Sleep, my dear friend, I am so sorry I have been neglecting you. I will try to make up for lost time. .. .if you let me.


Angels are everywhere. It is amazing when they pop in and save the day! Thank you to the angels that came to our rescue today. . ..MUCH APPRECIATED! Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Feeding sheep

 When they had eaten, Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon son of John, do you love me more than these others do?' He answered, 'Yes, Lord, you know I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my lambs.'
16 A second time he said to him, 'Simon son of John, do you love me?' He replied, 'Yes, Lord, you know I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Look after my sheep.'
17 Then he said to him a third time, 'Simon son of John, do you love me?' Peter was hurt that he asked him a third time, 'Do you love me?' and said, 'Lord, you know everything; you know I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my sheep.

Oh, I whimper on and on about adoption brain and the paperchase. . .the stress. SHAME ON ME! I apologize, heartily. I am thrilled as heck to be on this journey. I am humbled and excited by the gift at the end of this journey. I seriously could jump out of my skin with how eager I am to meet this child. .. . to love him for the rest of my life. 

Despite my exhaustion and stress. . .I have met a number of people that seriously follow the Bible passage above. I have been tended, and well fed by the love and support that seems to effortlessly flow from these amazing people. 

I would like to publicly thank a number of these people right now. . .because I personally think that feeling appreciated NEVER gets old. ... and I truly appreciate so many people!

Annie T- serious thank yous for all of your auction expertise. You blew my mind!! And really I am sure there are  oodles of future thank you's headed your way because of your supreme awesomeness. 

Kara M- you make me laugh almost every day.  .you boost me and encourage me when I need it the most. You join me in tears. . . .Your prayers and friendship are really, really appreciated! Thank you for shouting with me and introducing me to Twitter! I don't know how I ever got through the day without a dose of your humor. . .. NOW GET ME SOME COFFEE!!!!! Please?

Kim J- Your willingness to step up to help anyone. .. your fierce love and commitment to your faith and these children is amazing. Opening your home to the OARR group was incredible and the results are boggling my mind. Your family is precious and I am thrilled to see where God is going to lead you all! Thank you for your friendship and your support! 

Amy B- You could be my sister! We are drawn to the same children and have a similar sense of humor. Your encouragement and friendship is amazing! Thank you for your prayers and understanding. .. and the next time you are out this way. .. .let's get together!

Leila M-who rallies the troops better than Leila? Who is the first to shout for a family or orphan in need.. . who is willing to speak the truth loudly enough to be shut down by Facebook? You are so brave and inspirational to me. .. .I am thrilled to know you and to witness you in action! Awesome!

Tamarina- From high school years to now... . amazing to still be in touch with you. Thank you for sharing these kids and my fundraisers. Thank you for not turning a deaf ear when I post one too many children.  . .your compassion and generosity are brilliant!

Sylvia -What an example you are of a Mom that will do anything for her children! Your determination, creativity, generosity and tenacity are incredible! Never stop . . .ever. I am sure you get frustrated and discouraged but you are influencing and moving people in ways you will never know. Inspirational! 

Jannie- Across the years and the miles. .. .you are a phenomenal friend. I cannot thank God enough for that fateful meeting in Kenya. .. .who would have known that life long friends would emerge from that experience!! You are so supportive and so lovely. I just adore you and cannot wait to see you again so I can give you a massive hug! LOVE YOU!

Really everyone at CC4RR- you are amazing beyond words. . .your prayers are moving mountains!! 

There are countless others. COUNTLESS others.. ..friends and family that have been amazingly supportive.  YOU HAVE FED AND TENDED ME WELL! I thank GOD for all of you! Pasha will be told about the legions of people that have helped us get him home! What a blessing!
I assure you that hearty thanks will be headed their way soon too!! 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Seconds, mere seconds

Time is a commodity I no longer have much of. Same story for brain cells. Adoption can be all consuming. I apologize for not updating as frequently and I would like.

We are nearly there. .. nearly. I am starting to have those awesome dreams that indicate something BIG is happening in your life. The fun dreams., yeah you know them. When you are talking to a friend or your spouse and spontaneously your teeth start falling out. In droves. More teeth than could possibly fit in the average mouth, cascading out like a slot machine... awesome. I like to look at the bright side. .. having dreams/nightmares means I am actually sleeping long enough to dream. This doesn't happen much these days.

But. ..we are nearly there. I get butterflies just thinking about it. SQUUUEEEEEEE!

So, on to begging. Look at Ralph. What a cutie. . .5 years old. Struggling to survive in a mental institution. I have a donor willing to offer a matching grant up to $1000. YES! $1000! He could have a grant for $2000! Surely that will catch someone's eye .. he needs to be rescued and cherished for the rest of his life! Help me make that happen for Ralph!

Ralph 15H

Date of Birth: January 2007
Gender: Male
Eyes: Brown
Hair: light brown
Character: sociable
Diagnosis: Down syndrome
What a handsome little boy!   He is already 5 and has likely been transferred to the institution already.  Further information will not be available about him until a family’s dossier is registered.  Don’t let him become a statistic!  He deserves a family and a future of his own.
Great region to adopt from, larger families and single moms welcome!
$100.00 is available towards the cost of my adoption!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Oh my God

I am not taking HIS name in vain, I assure you. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. The unknowns are many; the paperwork is vast. You must find some perverse pleasure in jumping through hoops. Or maybe all you really need is love. And faith. Faith is truly helpful.

Not only are you opening your heart and home to a child for the rest of your life, you are opening your life to the public. .. opening yourself up for scrutiny. Hoping that people will join you on the journey, to pray and support you. For the most part, this has been the case. People, you have been AWESOME! There are however, people lurking in the shadows and that live to tear down. Sad.

Pasha.. . I KNOW you are worth all of it and more. Every child needs someone to stand up for them. Every. Single. Child.

Receiving rude, demeaning, ill founded messages from people that hide in their anonymity. ..it is this generations version of bullying. Sticks and stones. Sticks and Stones. When I was growing up, if you were going to be awful to someone, you had to own up to it. . man up and do it face to face. This version, well it is just sad. It saddens me and it prompts me pray for those poor souls that feel the need to be mean and then to hide. The internet makes it so  much easier for sad and angry people to lash out. A side effect of the ease, convenience and accessibility that the internet provides, I guess.
Someone recently claimed that bad things WOULD happen BECAUSE God is good. Hmmm.
The God that I know is kind and loving. For Pete's sake HE sent his ONLY SON for me to suffer unspeakable pain. Little old me. That alone tells me that GOD is here. With me. Loving me. Regardless of my failings and my insecurities. Even when someone tells me that HE doesn't love me. I know. My God loves me.

What must life be like for someone that believes that God is capable of orchestrating hurtful and painful scenarios. .. not for any good. The world must be very scary, empty and unsettling. I am again asking for prayers. Please continue to keep my family and Pasha in your prayers, but please include a plea for people that are hurting and are trying to spread that hurt around. God can heal.

Oh, my God. HE is good ALL THE TIME. He wants all things that are good for us. I will not be afraid. I will not dwell on the unknowns, I will trust in God because HE IS SO GOOD! I will not hide. I will not retaliate. I will stand strong. Because God allows me to.

My name is Becki and I endorse this message.

Monday, July 23, 2012

It Takes a Village

An adoptive Mama and Reece's Rainbow advocate has issued a challenge and included my family it in. So exciting! To make sure I do not confuse the game, I am pasting her idea here verbatim.

Ok, so here's my thought: I'd like to do a race, to see which team of advocates can get "Team Kate" to $7500 or "Team Priscilla & Becki" to $7500 first, by midnight EST on August 1st. I'm getting ready to do a blog post on it. You can use your best fundraising techniques- including flat out begging, short auctions, whatever you can do, but we would do it for 10 days only- keep it intense and focused. The winning team (if either team reaches at least $5000 in donations in these 10 days) will get to pick five children that I will then feature on my blog and advocate for, for an entire month. I will advocate for them on facebook, real life, and the blog, as much as I possibly can and focus on them like I did my kiddos at 39. I will also ask as many of my friends who blog to also feature those kids at least once during the month, so we can spread the word as much as possible.

So yeah, I'm asking you to pick a side :) both sides will "win" in the sense that any money that comes in obviously benefits a kid getting home!

Priscilla Morse's FSP will need to read $17100 (http://reecesrainbow.org/29701/sponsormorse) and Becki's FSP (http://reecesrainbow.org/38523/sponsorlittle) will need to read $2185 for Team Priscilla/Becki to win!!! 

Kate Hogeland's FSP (http://reecesrainbow.org/35808/sponsorhogeland-3) will need to read $10,160 for Team Kate to win.

Now personally, I think it's going to be an interesting challenge. I wonder whose friends are going to push the hardest? I wonder if we'll see any matching donors pop up and offer to help push and meet goals? We have two different countries represented, 3 different special needs, a little something for everyone.

Ok, so who is willing to jump in? If either team wants to do an online auction, I will bring back a surprise of European chocolate to be raffled off for either one! First person to set up a Team Kate or Team Priscilla/Becki auction page and then ask me for it, gets that prize!

Seriously cool, right? Supporting 3 adoptive families AND advocating for 5 additional waiting kiddos. .. That's a WIN-WIN-WIN and then some!

Poor Priscilla was teamed up with me .. the fundraising newbie. . please help me make it worth her while? The contest has begun! There is an auction that was started immediately for Pasha and Xenia, the cutest couple ever. .. Check out the auction herehttps://www.facebook.com/teampashaandxenia

There are some fun and funky items on there. . .Priscilla has been fundraising and donating like mad since December. I just started my own auction and am learning the ropes, so finding items to auction has been tricky. We are still asking for donations, the funnier the BETTER! This spurred a contest within the contest. If you have something funky, crazy, strange, unique that you would like to get out of your attic/living room/closet. .. now you can and it will go to a wonderful cause! 
In addition, donating that item to our auction will enter you into a drawing for a $25 itunes gift card....proof that you get so much back when you give!! 
Sharing our auction will also enter you for the gift card and every $5 donation will also earn an entry. Leave a comment or send one of us a message letting us know your entries into the drawing! 

SO. . now that you are surely thoroughly confused, Let the Games BEGIN! 


Thursday, July 19, 2012

the calm before the storm

Today is it. The final calm before the fundraising storm begins. I should enjoy the quiet.  .but my nerves will not let me.
Our final document arrived today. The only thing outstanding for our adoption is our USCIS approval. Oh, and about $10,455.00. I should not be freaking out about that number since my fundraising starts tomorrow, but I AM and it all feels so daunting.

I am starting to nest. .. .baking and cleaning and starting my room arrangement scenarios... oh what fun it will be! I cannot wait to snuggle that little guy! I just really cannot wait.

I wish someone rich would just adopt us, fund our adoption so I can get on with the real joy of this process. . .the boy at the end of our rainbow.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Blitzing for Love

Oh how I wish I could blog about Summer activities, or about how Eli peed on our Sofa the other day. My potty trained boy . ..on our sofa. .. did I mention a really new sofa? Yup. ..

I dream of the day when Blog-blitzes are no longer needed. . . where sweet children do not have to know the sadness of an orphanage, the desperation of a mental institution. Of a day when maybe one or two of these awful buildings will be a memorial of past traumas, like Dachau, honoring the sweet babies that once languished in it's corridors. Today is not that day.

There are faces on Reece's Rainbow that stir my soul. There are faces that spur people into action immediately. Pasha was one of them. . .there is another little boy that was listed recently and less than 24 hours later, he had a family committed to him. That is the ultimate goal.. .families. There are faces that are all but ignored. Stories so touching I cannot help but tear up. There is a list of children (longer than my heart can handle) that have been waiting since the start of Reece's Rainbow. ..years and years and years. Passed over and forgotten.

Megan is a sweet 7 year old girl with Down Syndrome. She should not be defined by her diagnosis anymore than someone with Diabetes or Cancer should. She is a sweet girl with no parents. Her prospects are dire, she is living in an adult mental institution, just doing her best to survive. She has over $23k waiting for the family that is lucky enough to step forward for her. For the blessed family that has the love and courage to say "YES!"

Maxim, oh Maxim. With your bright blue eyes, that gleam with mischievousness. How has that light not been dimmed with the passing of time? Day after day, month after month, year after year, you wait to be loved. . .to belong. I cannot wait for the day I see that your family has found you. I will sob happy tears. .. you belong. .I know you do! I wish I was in a position to bring you into my house and my family. Please know you are already at home in my heart! Read his profile. It will melt your heart, AND it says that he loves to clean! What a bonus!

Daniel. Look at the love and affection that is radiating from this child. (He is the sweet blond kiddo.) How can a family NOT want to welcome that kind of love into their daily lives? How is it possible that he has waited 11 years for the love of a family, when he so clearly knows how to love!?!

Dixon, sadly born into a country that believes that certain lives are simply not worth living. Dixon fights on, proving them wrong every single day. . .the heart of a warrior defying the odds and surviving appalling conditions. Waiting in faith and hope that one day his family will find him and fight along side of him. Look at his picture, he looks like he does not know who to trust. .. someone rescue him!

Andruis is a darling little guy. He is 12. He is so much smaller than a 12 year old, so in need of some love and attention. Some healthy home cooked meals will go a long way! I bet it would not take much love and affection to put a smile on his face.

Oh, seriously. How can any heart stand it? Sweet children. Tossed aside. Neglected, starving. Living in places where the sounds and smells would make us want to retch and run? Sweet children that should smell like shampoo and sunshine, confident in the love of their family. Ready to face the day and grow and love, if only given the chance. I understand it is not easy. It is work. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart. Adoption is what God calls of us, for He has adopted us into His amazing family.
Romania 1990 An orphanage for incurables 300x201 Romania, 1990   An orphanage for incurables
This should not be a reality. See their faces? How can it be that they are in these cribs? Why are they sitting on benches surrounded by rocking, moaning, crying people? It does not have to continue. It doesn't! All it takes is one more family rising to the challenge. Believing that a family cannot have too much love. My family and I are working to make sure there is one less child waiting for a family.. .it can be done. It will change the world. I have to believe that.

It changed the life of this one..  ..it is POSSIBLE! It takes a little love and a little courage. . .but it is SO worth it! One does not need to be an expert on special needs to adopt a child. . .it takes love. That is it!

There are 63 children that have been waiting such a long time. Please feel free to visit the other blogs also shouting for these kiddos.