Sunday, September 30, 2012

Baby Steps

I feel like Bill Murray in "What About Bob." Completely. Baby steps to the kitchen, baby steps to the fridge. .. all day long.

Losing Pasha has thrown us off our game. My husband has been traveling SO much lately that we have only had a few moments here and there to sit down and talk about what we will be doing with this adoption process.

After some tense conversations and a lot of prayer, we reached a consensus. We are both terrified. Unsure of our tentative steps, trying to step out in faith, but afraid to let go of the safety railing. You know the feeling.

SO, we are keeping our appointment in country. We have NO idea who we are to adopt, though we both believe that we were led down this path for a reason. So, in 2 weeks, we will be in route to see what God has planned for our family. I personally feel that God is offering us a child, all we have to do at this point is accept it. Why would we turn away from such a gift?

This is an adventure for sure, one that will likely make my hair turn gray over night. We have not stopped praying and likely will not stop until we are home.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


God speaks to me the loudest in the shower. Perhaps the acoustics are best in there? Perhaps it is because showering is all about purity, cleaning away the mess of life.  AND people are pretty vulnerable in the shower. (Psycho.) For whatever reason, THIS is where God speaks to me. (For those that picture me sitting in a dark room, blinds closed, sobbing my eyes out...I am up and about. And I am happy to announce I have showered. Count me down but NOT OUT!)

God has been speaking to me, but I have been refusing to listen. My heart has been too broken with the loss of Pasha on top of the losses of Beckett and Lazarus. To be honest, I really felt that God was pushing me a little to hard. Oh what a lovely pity party I have been having.

I was looking at it ALL WRONG. Of course, if there is a wrong way to do something or approach a situation, you can count on me to find it!

My hubby and I started the adoption process knowing there was a chance that Pasha may not be available. We ran forward anyways. Perhaps God used Pasha and his perfectly lovable smile to nudge us forward. This I cannot figure out, but the bottom line is this. When I started this process, I considered myself pregnant. .. the tears and emotional roller coaster supported this. Adoption is pregnancy.

Now, let me make this abundantly clear. I am speaking for myself. Only me. This is where I am at.

Almost a year ago I was pregnant. Oh, I had dreams of my perfect baby. .. the beauty that I could not stand. . .perfection in every way. When I was told that my baby was NOT perfect, I was devastated. Destroyed. God picked me back up and I still LOVED  my baby and with time accepted that my baby would still be perfect to me and to God. I was again eager to meet him and love him forever.

How alike are these two journeys? In my pregnancy with Pasha, I was also delivered the blow that my baby will not be the Perfect, Adorable, Tiny baby I thought. How should I respond? Allow devastation and disappointment and then tell God thank you. HE is STILL opening all the doors to give me a child that I will adore, love and find perfect in every way. ..precious and lovable. SO WHAT if that child is not the child I was expecting. . .my faulty thinking gets in the way of reveling in the possibility. The miraculous gift God is offering me. This is all SO much bigger than my pea brain can comprehend.

I resolve to stop thinking and attempting to second guess God's plan in my life. What abundant joy he is offering. I need only to accept it. God is literally blowing my mind.

God is showering me with life, support and miraculous love. Who could ask for anything more?

Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Call

The picture changed our lives. We were called to rush forward. To tell everyone we met that we LOVED him and were rushing to him to tell him just that. We were called to shower him with love and provide for him.

As much as I tried to keep myself from getting too attached before he was in my arms, I could not help myself. I mean, come on. .. look at him. He is precious beyond words. I could not wait to smooth his wispy hair, hear his giggle. Watch his eyes light up with joy. Learn his personality. Watch him grow. When we got our travel date, I was ecstatic!

Then, on Thursday, a miracle happened. My husband and I agreed upon a name for this sweet little boy.  You have NO idea what a monumental undertaking that was! We had our travel dates, so much excitement AND a name. Amazing.

Early Friday another call came. THE call. The dreaded call. I almost didn't answer. I thought I had braced myself for this possibility, I was wrong. In under 30 days we will not be holding Pasha. I will not get to wrap those perfect fingers around my own finger. I will not get to kiss those sweet cheeks and tell him how loved he truly is. I will not get to snuggle the boy I have been dreaming about for the past 4 months. Pasha is being adopted domestically. Poof. Like that. The dream turned to dust.

Happy news for our sweet little munchkin, he WILL have a family. He will be free from the orphanage soon enough. I pray wholeheartedly that his life be long and blissfully happy. I also pray that he felt our love while he waited. ..

Oh, every time I see this picture my heart breaks a little more. I honestly did not think I would react so strongly to news that I knew was a possibility.

My husband and I are praying fervently that God illuminates our path from here. The wind has been knocked out of our sails and we are working to establish a direction.

Please pray for Pasha and his family. May their process fly so that they can incorporate him into their family very quickly!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Winners! Winners!

Sigh, the never-ending giveaway has reached the end. Hooray! Hooray! The Giveaway brought in over $2300, so I would call that a success! We are currently $1408 away from being fully funded, which is so incredible!

We leave in under a month to meet Pasha. It is so surreal, I cannot wait to see him and touch him and cuddle him, but that belongs in another post.

Tonight my dear Hubs and I entered everyone that has shared and donated to our adoption. It took a while and I was really moved with the amount of support that we have received in this process, BUT there were only 4 prizes to hand out. Are you ready for the winners?

Winners! Winners! Well you know you are ALL winners in MY book, but here is what spit out for us:

Winner of the 7 day timeshare stay is: Elizabeth Kauffeld

Winner of the Kindle Fire: Megan Foote

Winner of the Blake Shelton CD: Sara Eriksen

Winner of the photo keepsake: Jaime Kirkpatrick

Thank you ALL. . I know, I can hear the groans of disappointment . . I am so sorry, I know 

ALL of you lovely people need a vacation!


--- 1 ---

We had house guests this week. Yes, the person most unlike Martha Stewart in the whole wide world, had house guests. I had never met these revered guests before they showed up at my house. . .. I (and our house) is so far from guest friendly that I was really going to have to rely on my charm and quick wit to salvage the situation. However, I was waiting for some big adoption news that was making it hard for me to sleep more than a couple of hours a night AND it is allergy season. Yea. I was a sobbing, puffy faced lump on the couch their first day here.  Miraculously, I think I pulled it off! Lucky for me, they are family and are stuck with us!

--- 2 ---

Writing is a muscle, I am learning this the hard way. My muscle (yes, singular) is atrophied after only 2 weeks of rest. I am sorry to all the people that are reading today, hoping for something witty, or interesting. . .I will continue to exercise this "muscle" and you will continue to suffer through until I am back up to snuff. Stick with me?

--- 3 ---

WE GOT OUR TRAVEL DATES! In less than a month we get to meet our son. Cannot believe how surreal this is! Look at his sweet face. Oh my, I am one lucky MAMA! To make me EVEN happier, our never-ending giveaway wraps up tonight and I will be drawing winners. We are so close to fully funded, God has blessed this adoption in so many ways.

--- 4 ---

Oh, the weather is getting chillier here. . . it is still sunny but the breeze is brisk. I love it and hate it at the same time. I am hanging on desperately to flip flop weather. I was once told that men find tan lines sexy. . . I hope that is true. *giggle* Sometimes it looks like my feet need a good scrubbing, I assure you they are clean, they are just broadcasting my love affair with flip flops. I should have given up my favorite footwear after my 80s party fundraiser. The shoes MANGLED my feet. .. see the purple toenail? Yup. ..normally my toes are pretty and painted. Now they simply look pretty pained and yet I still CLING to the final days with my flip flops.

Side note: my foot was not pleased by this photo and made me take several shots to make sure I got it's best side. Not catching  it on a good day and I am just adding insult to injury with a photo shoot. . . I hope it does not disown me. 

--- 5 ---

Meet Brett. I love this child. He is pure sunshine and I cannot comprehend why he is still waiting.

Guardian Angel
Boy, born September 2007

Brett is a handsome young man who was born with CP.  He is very smart, he gets around on his own by crawling, but he is not able to walk.  Therapy will do wonders for him!   He deserves to have a family!

From a volunteer who knows him:   He plays with other children. He speaks with separate words. He understands the addressed speech. The boy is curious, likes classes. He loves when his nurse reads for him, he likes making pyramids.

More photos available, married couples only.

--- 6 ---

This makes me smile for a trillion reasons.  I know I am aging before your very eyes, but I love Opie. I sometimes wish for simpler times. I am fighting the urge to start whistling. Whoops... was whistling whilst spell checking and didn't realize until I got to this picture again. AWESOME.

--- 7 ---

I am going to leave you with wife-gripe #34.2. I am not perfect, I am far from it and do not attempt to claim perfection. I am sure I do one or two things a day that makes my husband see red. (But, on second thought, I must not annoy him because he is not one to hold his tongue for any reason, so perhaps I was just being modest and I am darn near Mary Poppins perfect. . . .)I cleaned this JUST the other day. My hubby has been home for 5 days. and LOOK. MORE GOOP! Deep breath. In with the good, out with the bad. I am not sure why or how he does this but it has to stop. 

May your weekend be GOOP free, my friends. 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

The "yes"

Oh, I have crawled a bit back into my shell these days. Fundraising is making me want to run for the hills! I feel like I am back in high school and will be chosen last for dodge ball. It is not fun at all, but it is necessary, and so I beg! (Really quick update on fundraising. We are only $1822 away from being fully funded!)

People have been so very generous and we are blessed by literally HUNDREDS of angels that are supporting this adoption through prayer and donations, through kind words and support. It has made the dark hours of this journey a little lighter. You may never know just HOW much you have helped me along on this journey.

My husband and I have said "yes" to adoption and already our lives have changed. It is amazing. It does not mean that our lives are filled with nothing but joy in our decision. It is a BIG change, with a HUGE price tag, with any big decision there is a bit of doubt and naysayers and all around miserable people pounce on the chance to make you feel even less prepared or capable.

In the process, I have said "yes" to numerous friend requests. It is awesome how one "yes" can open your life to more opportunities to say "yes." My world is expanding and changing in ways that I never have imagined. In the process I have opened my life to other families on this journey, I have made wonderful friends and I have had the privilege to pray and cry with them when tragedy has occurred. With this expansion is an increase in tragedy and sadness as well as an increase in support and friendship. That is life. That is community. That is family.

I have witnessed children being loved and claimed by wonderful families. It restores my confidence in humanity, to know that there are people willing to love and welcome these children. To take a stand and make a difference. I have witnessed these same people ridiculed and smeared because someone else chooses not to support their mission. I have watched children refuse adoptive parents out of fear. Saying "yes" has allowed me to peak behind the curtain to see the realities of adoption and to be fully confronted with the absolute need for prayer.

The bottom line is this: God wants so many good things for us, for ALL of his children. HE offers us all the love in the world and all we have to say is "yes." More times that I care to admit, I have said no.. . or deferred with a maybe someday. I have allowed fear to silence my "yes" and have likely missed out on incredible experiences.
For a million reasons, we say "no" every day and turn away from all the amazing graces and blessings God has to offer us. .It is lovely, GOD IS SO GOOD! God never promised us that it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. All we have to do is say YES!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Competitive? Moi?

--- 1 ---
I should be heading to bed. It is my Anniversary, but I completely spaced Quick Takes tonight. ..GASP! I just couldn't NOT post. So here I am. .whipping something up.

--- 2 ---
It is my Anniversary today. Four years ago today..I looked like this. I feel slightly bad that perhaps I engaged in some false advertising on this day. I never looked like that before I got married. .. and I have not looked ANYWHERE near that good since. Paying the $60 or so for that makeup artist (miracle worker) was a good decision. One I am happy with four years later. I wish I still had her card. . .My day could have been even better with false eyelashes today.. .

--- 3 ---
Politics. ...oh my word. THAT is all I have to say. Oh and this.. .UGH! Are these people for real?

--- 4 ---
Words with Friends?.. .Not always words and not always with friends. Words with my Sister tends to drive me crazy! Yes, I guess I have a little competitive streak. . just a little one. Just saying. .... Kara, Jacki...someday I WILL WIN! Likely when I have lulled you into a total sense of well earned security. It will happen. I may be 80 when it does, but IT WILL HAPPEN!

--- 5 ---
I am SO thrilled football season is HERE! GO STEELERS! 

--- 6 ---
I love reality TV. I do. I am SUPER excited that Jennifer Fulwiler will have her own show... I will totally watch! I am currently watching Project Runway, and wishing I had skills. You never know when you will need to be able to make a runway ready look from a swatch of burlap and a cheerio.
I am not without skills, I can brush my teeth, let the dog out and POUR cheerios for my son at the same time. . .but add burlap to the mix and that is a recipe for disaster. He may very well choose to wear the cheerios instead of eating them, but I am pretty sure that if I attempted to send him down a runway, I would be voted off the island.. . or not be given a rose.

--- 7 ---
PLEASE look at my giveaway. I am ready to beg. If you need reasons to donate. .. I am willing to provide them to you! Here are some stellar reasons.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Need more reasons?

I discovered Reece's Rainbow in February 2012 and my life was altered dramatically. I became very focused on the children posted on Reece's Rainbow and my heart longed to adopt. I struggled with a reluctant husband prior to seeing Pasha's picture. Pasha's picture spoke to my husband in May 2012 and  a just few short months later we are a waiting for our travel dates. YAY! Though we are so close to meeting Pasha, we have a ways to go to meet our fundraising needs. Fundraising has been humbling and I fear that people may want to know more. .. or, they may need more reasons to donate. We have a Giveaway going on right now with AWESOME prizes. ..if you want to take a peek here is the link to my Giveaway. If you still need more. ..

I can oblige.

1. No words needed. Just look at him!

2. I am nice. My husband is nice. My son CANNOT wait to be a big brother.

3. SEE?
This is how I will cuddle Pasha, Mama.

4. I am nice. When I am not nice, I am at least funny. (I try.)

5. Most of the time, without even trying, I make others look good. Really good. (People like to stand next to me in photos for this reason. I thought they just really liked me....)

6. I will say thank you. A LOT. Sometimes in the form of a haiku.

7. As much as we both love them; you don't need another pair of Toms. Really. (seriously those blue ones are super cute though, eh? You can always put them on your Christmas list. . ..)

8. Your husband won't even notice. $5 can make a HUGE difference! Something as little as $5 can actually be a massive help in this process. Truly. 

9. PASHA! 

10. You could stop me from posting my Giveaway on Facebook 3x a day. ..everyday. And 4x on Sunday. Oh. Wait. Here is the link to my Giveaway in case you have somehow missed it. 

11. Why ask why? Just do it. You wont regret it. You would be able to go to bed with the knowledge that you helped an orphan come home. Literally.

12. So I don't have to beg. I will beg if I have to, but it wont be pretty and you WILL regret it. (See #5)

13. Because things are getting political around here. I don't know why that means you should donate to help our adoption. . .but you should. Need the link to my Giveaway

14. Deep down, even if you deny it, we all know you REALLY want a Haiku. 

Yea, this is an old picture.. .but it works. 
15. Because at heart, we ARE all in this together. These children deserve SO much. I want to provide everything I possibly can to Pasha. ..we just need to get him here! We really WANT to be his family! 

Truly, people have been so generous and supportive. We will travel soon. We only have 3k left to raise to be fully funded. This is doable! THANK YOU SO MUCH! 

Monday, September 3, 2012

Haiku for you!

So many people have donated their way to a personalized Haiku! Amazing! Some of them I have no way of contacting directly so this post will be a Haiku extravaganza! I think this is everyone so far. .. if you have donated for the Haiku and I missed you. . PLEASE let me know!

For Megan F
Smile. Memory Lane.
Laughter made days go faster,
Missing you my friend!

For Lisa Carter
Hangovers do suck
but meeting rad new people
doesn’t suck at all

For Kara

Cheerleader of mine
Undefeated word guru
Blessed by your support

For Van
Van, you asked for it
Gavin is a huge nit wit
you need a re-do.

For Annie
add Vodka, maybe
friends, music  and umbrella
guava polava

Andrea Low

Sunshine and laughter
Trucks, trains, dirt, soccer, swimming
And a family

For Monica M

Every little bit
Pushes us one step closer
To our beloved

For Jamie K
With such gratitude
this community of friends
unite for Pasha

God is So Gracious
You are living proof of this
gratitude abounds

Laura V
Learning to let go
In hopes of holding so tight
This gift of Pasha

Donna P

With nothing asked in return
Oh, those Jersey girls

Elizabeth K

What a difference
Your gift is a life-changer

Sharon R
Two hearts united
Committed to loving ALL
Journey together