What it looks like

It is not always pretty. Seemingly never easy and yet, it is the greatest undertaking I have ever attempted....some call it parenthood. I call it crazy.

We got home from our first family vacation with Evan last night. I was SPENT. My legs, ankles and feet were swollen to ridiculous proportions and I thought to myself "was it really worth it?" I swear I aged ten years in 7 days.

I watched the boys playing and running off their excess energy while I elevated my ginormous feet and for the first moment all felt normal. It didn't feel like I was getting used to having 2 three year olds in my house. It didn't seem too loud, too crazy, too much. My boys were just playing and I was simply enjoying them. Haha. It sounds so silly as I read this . .but I am in tears reliving the moment. I didn't realize what an effort the past three months have been, that even the little moments were a transition that required focus and energy. What a blessed little moment last night.

I love Evan the same as if he was my biological child. It took some doing, but it is there and I cherish my houseful of little boys. I cannot illustrate the love or explain why it took such effort.. . but this is the result and it is more beautiful than I can stand. I am such a lucky girl.

Evan when we met him.

Evan today. Grown out of his 18 month shirt! Yippee!

Goofing with his big brother

 And Evan soaking up the good life on vacation. What could be sweeter?

Part of the solution

Some of the paths that I have chosen to take have not yielded the results I was looking for. Some have caused great harm to myself and to others, all with the best of intentions. A couple of those experiences left me struggling  to pick myself up and move on without some help. I have never been one to shy away from asking for assistance. I wholeheartedly believe that some of the greatest gifts come from asking for help and I have personally experienced this on more than one occasion. This blog entry is my love story with a woman that has helped me in so many ways since 2008 I cannot begin to express my gratitude.

After my attack in Kenya, I was a wreck. Relationships were strained, my fiance could not fathom my need to protect him from complete strangers on the street. I was on constant alert and ready to fight any and every perceived threat. I was a ball of laughs.

Anyone that has suffered a trauma knows that insomnia helps nothing. I struggled to relax enough to sleep and that exacerbated matters to the point that I knew I needed help to get myself back on track. Enter the amazing Dr L.

With her expert acupuncture and assistance my body and my mind were able to come to terms with the attack and the resulting symptoms. I was able to sleep. I was able to eat. My fiance could stand me once again. I am indebted to her. (She also referred me to another wonderful woman that helped me with some EMDR therapy for my PTSD. Also awesome and highly recommended despite the fact that this portion of my healing was really hard and painful work.) I know many of you may shudder or simply dismiss the idea of acupuncture, but if you are open to the idea, I highly recommend it.

Dr L has been with me since, through pregnancies and miscarriages, watching out for me and guiding me when I ask for help. I have so much trust in her.

It was natural then, that I would discuss my sweet Ukrainian boy's health with her. She did her research and she recommended that I give Evan a massage every night. Lucky boy, right? Lucky both of us. Dr L  introduced me to Qijong Massage. This program teaches parents Qijong massage to assist them and their autistic children but she has seen this benefit a wide range of children. It is certainly aiding Evan and I in the bonding process and it is a wonderful addition to our bedtime routine. She is currently investigating the benefits of this treatment on children with Down Syndrome and Cerebral Palsy.

I have found that Evan is far more relaxed and affectionate already. I don't like simply identifying issues, I like to be part of the solution. That in and of itself is a blessing! If you have a adopted or have a child with special needs, this could be a very valuable and lasting tool in bonding and assisting your child(ren). There are trained therapists in many states and a list can be found here.

Adoptive mamas out there: look into it! http://www.qsti.org/QST_mission.html