Our prayer

I have been blogging endlessly about the kiddos on Reece's Rainbow, but I have also been praying ALL DAY LONG for them.

I decided to tweak our night prayers and instead of relying only on our standard prayers, I invited dear Hubby and Eli to ad-lib some prayers.

Last night, Eli made me cry and laugh at the same time. God bless him!

His prayer "be really useful."
Me; You want Jesus to be really useful?
E: Nooooooo. Giggle. I be really useful.
Me: Oh. You want Jesus to help you be really useful?
E: Yes.

I know this is from Thomas but the purity and universal request made me cry. We ALL should pray that God makes us really useful.

I thank God for my son! He makes me see love in a different light every single moment. He is amazing to me.

God, please help us all to be really useful!

This is your mission if you choose to accept it. . . .

1.  The first and the easiest thing you can do is look at Reece's Rainbow. And talk about it. With your friends. You husband. At your church. At the coffee shop. On your Facebook Page. On your blog. In your sleep. Talk about these children as if they matter. . . .because they do! Spread the word!

I am serious about the effectiveness of option #1! I have emailed the local priests asking them to add this mission to their homilies. To be honest, I suggested that each parish "adopt" one child to pray for, collect donations for and advocate for until that child is adopted. . .then "adopt" another one. This work cannot take a day off!! I have also emailed local newspapers and radio stations. The more eyes and hearts that are opened the better. .. .. try it!

2. If that does not  satisfy your need to help (I certainly hope it doesn't) then Pray! You can sign up to be a Prayer Warrior for a specific child or children. It is free and it's effective! Becoming a Prayer Warrior allowed me to join a super secret society of AWESOME people all praying and advocating for these lovely kids.

3. Donate. It doesn't have to be much. Every little bit helps! Collect your loose change. .. you will be surprised what you can come up with! There are also oodles and oodles of fundraisers and charities for these children. I am going to make it super easy on you and list some great options here:

*The Give a Granny program  pays older women to visit and care for one or two children.
*The Caring for Konner Giveaway is raising funds to help cover adoption expenses
* Reece's Rainbow allows you to either donate to specific children or to families in the process of adopting. The stories are really moving!
*Assist in providing medical care to the most neglected children by donating to the Pleven Medical Fund
* Project Hopeful works to advocate for special needs adoptions as well. There is so much information and fundraising on that page, you really just need to check it out!
*You can help purchase new cots through the cwuha

4. If you are flexible and have the funds (then I am super jealous of you) look into volunteering. These children would benefit SO much just from the attention and care you give them. No qualifications necessary, just a desire to love these children. Again, to make it easier on you, I will list some of the volunteer options I have discovered:
*One Heart lists volunteer opportunities. Look into it!
* Volunteer in the Pleven Orphanage! These are short term volunteer placements.  .totally doable and worth the time! Let's work to fill these placements!

There are really not a lot of volunteer organization groups for Bulgaria at the moment. I have emailed the Catholic Medical Mission Board as well as the Catholic Volunteer Network to see if something can be organized.
(will my name begin to be despised?? Who cares. . .here comes another email from yours truly!)
5. Fundraise. Hold a garage sale. Hold an auction. A party with all proceeds going to these children. Though this might take a little work. . .. it could be very fun AND go a long way in paying a ransom for a child. Talk to your friends, your family, your church. With a little bit of teamwork, a lot can be accomplished!


6. Shop! Yup, it can be that easy! There are several etsy shops that fundraise for Reece's Rainbow. Check them out!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ToCatchRainbows?ref=ss_profile
http://www.etsy.com/shop/WrappingupRainbows?view_type=list
http://www.etsy.com/people/reclaimedfundraising

I know there are more . .. I have seen them but when I went back to search for this post, I could no longer locate them. If you know the shops, feel free to email me or comment them below!



7. ADOPT! Open your home and your heart to one of these precious children and you will be rewarded many times over. This is the greatest thing you could do for one of these children, for yourself and for your family. I pledge to assist in fundraising and moral support if you are willing and able to take this on. I PROMISE!

Off the deep end

So my dear hubby is convinced that I have gone and lost it. Completely. Maybe he is right? I am so grateful for the love and support and camaraderie I have found with the Reece's Rainbow crew. Their mission mirrors mine and I am so thankful to have found them! There are some really amazing people doing even more amazing things. . . .sacrificing all for the little angels that are in so much need.

Families are praying. Fundraising and adopting. It is really so incredible. Sadly there is trend in messages on there however, MEN, you are the brawn in our families. The heads of our hearts. The big, strong shoulders we rely on. It is time for battle. This is bigger than our desire to love babies. WE NEED YOUR HELP! This IS a problem you can fix! Our lives can no longer be about building a more comfortable life for ourselves, though we appreciate that sentiment. It can no longer be about finding the easiest path and staying on it forever. There is a wrong being committed and WE MUST STOP IT! HOW????? Open our arms, open our wallets and give our lives over to those that need us most. Complete sacrifice. How scary is that?? REALLY FLIPPING SCARY. But MEN are designed for battle. They are our protectors, so WHO BETTER to assist in this ministry?? Gear up soldiers!! Head into battle! This is one that we can WIN! These children cannot help themselves out of this hell, it is our responsibility. I, for one, will not look away!

Hahaha, I am sitting at my kitchen table crying. Perhaps I have crossed the line and am completely off my rocker.

I have been having such a difficult time sleeping these days, which really does not help my mental state. As I say my evening prayers, the faces of each child pops in my head. Visions of emaciated children. Vacant stares. Children that may never live to know how precious they truly are. I am not wired to handle it! It is just too awful.

I remember the Ethiopian famine. I remember hoardes of Actors and Musicians eager to assist. I remember"We Are the World."  I was moved to tears then. I just really believe that children SHOULD NOT SUFFER. It is a tragedy. The (INSERT numerous curse words here. .. . I just had to break for my son to have his morning constitutional and the first key I hit wiped out an AWESOME rant!)))) @#$@#$%%%$#
The shocking nature of the orphan crisis in Eastern Europe is that it is not resulting from a drought, natural disaster or other unavoidable circumstance. Nope this is brought on by a drought of kindness. Of love. A complete surrender to fear, to selfishness. This can and should be something that NEVER happens. NOT ON OUR WATCH! This is a holocaust that needs to be brought to an end.

So I tried everything to sleep last night. Nothing worked. When crying myself to sleep didn't work either, I decided to take my case to a higher level. To the CHURCH.
Oh. .. .to be those poor Priests that received my email this morning. hahah, please join me in prayer that they don't just write me off as a mentally unstable woman. This is a matter that our faith community should know about. ... be heartbroken about and RECTIFY!

We are called to community. We are called to love. LOVE is what will bring these children home. Please pray that my emails strike a chord and homilies shout out the cries of these children. Let's pray that legions of people are shaken out from under their cloaks of indifference and spurred into action.

It is my fervent prayer that Churches around the world rise up to answer the call of these children. Join me in battle!!

Ignorance is NOT bliss. It is just ignorant.

I committed myself to posting one child a day from Reece's Rainbow on my facebook page for the month of March. March is drawing to a close and I am frantic. There are far too many children still waiting. TOOOOOOOOOO MANY!

I have 253 friends on facebook currently. I assure this isn't a brag, but think about it. 253 people have been seeing the faces of these children for nearly 30 days. Surely this is reaching people, right?? How can it not? How can it be ignored? I am sad to admit it is likely pretty easy to turn a blind eye. This breaks my heart.

There are 240 orphans in dire straits in Pleven. I urge you to look at these pictures. I BEG of you. This should not be easy. It should shock you. Make you cry. Make you angry. IT IS WRONG! Children should not look like this.  EVER.. . ..

Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs on our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act" Proverbs 24:12

I feel a little stuck at this point, but I am SURE God is working miracles behind the scenes right now. If  I had the right to make an arbitrary decision today, I would be adopting. Pronto. And probably more than one child. I cannot bear to see this happen anymore. Since I cannot adopt, I am screaming at the tops of my lungs to ANYONE that will listen. So, back to that number. .. .253 friends, 240 orphans wasting away in Pleven. . .. If each of my friends picked just one child to pray for; talk about; donate to or adopt, then surely this situation would look totally different.

I know, this is really naive of me. People get so comfortable. Life can be so easy here. It is scary to put yourself out. It is scary to care. However, I totally believe that ignorance is not bliss. . . ignorance is simply ignorant. Ignoring the plight of these children is equal to telling them how much they don't matter. A sad fact that they already live and believe.

I often think about choices and the impacts that they have. .. .the ripple effect. What if Mary had said no? What if Joseph could not be bothered to marry Mary in her current state? What if ? What if?

Those are grand and sometimes nebulous questions. Let's bring it closer to home. What if my Mom said no? What if I  were 14 years old and only weighed 14 pounds? What must my life have been like?  What if I did not know what it felt like to have my cries answered? What if my son or daughter was left to lie for hours on end.. .never being loved or kissed or cuddled? Can you even imagine such a fate??

What if I had never learned that Beckett had Down Syndrome? What if I still believed that Down Syndrome happened to "other" people? What if he had lived to be born and loved? Would I have still reached out to these children? What if I had never discovered these children??

I can't stand it. I don't care if people think I am a broken record. I don't care if they think I am 'over the top" or fanatical. I would gladly be called worse if it meant a better life for just one of these precious kiddos!
This life is NOT about being comfortable. It is not about taking the easy road. I am sorry, but it just really is NOT. A life lead like that is SORELY LACKING!

I am terrified and heartbroken and scared that my "yes" is not enough. I am giving my desire to adopt to God completely. He will guide us and he will make it right. I have faith in that. Until I can hug and love and devote myself to a rainbow child of my very own, I will continue to sob and scream at the top of my lungs. .. . .

Look at them!

Kolya 15H

Boy, Born July 2000

6e1n-15H

YAY, a new picture of Kolya!!! Kolya is 11 years old. He will be the oldest child ever adopted through RR (with Down syndrome), so I am praying super hard for his family to find him!!

From his advocates and friends: " Kolya – very delicate and sensitive child who catches every touch, every word or a smile. He may long to sit next to a nice man and just hold hands, enjoying the warmth.

Kolya – special in every sense of the child. He will never be like other children, but this does not negate his ability to enjoy the outside world and bring joy to others. Kolya helpful, helps nurse to collect clothes, toys, clean room. He said not much and indiscriminately, but to understand it is quite possible. He has a good memory. Kolya knows the names of geometric shapes, animals, plants, likes to listen to reading, to collect and puzzles to bother with the designers. Parents need to appreciate their strength, because they need the support of Kolya throughout life. But instead, they can count on sincere affection and love from a really good and loyal man.

$1055.00 is available towards the cost of my adoption!

Tanner #31-1

Boy, Born July 26, 2001

Main diagnosis: Down Syndrome. Deafness. Converging strabismus. Obstructive and reflux nephropathia.
Lagging behind in his neuro-psychical development.

$20.00 is available towards the cost of my adoption!

Heather

Girl, born September 2001

This tiny girl is ten years old! So petite!

Heather doesn't have any other health complications listed at all.

$173.00 is available towards the cost of my adoption!

Mabel

Girl, born May 2005
Diagnosis: Down syndrome

Mabel is a very shy, calm natured little girl. Right now, she does not appear to be walking at all. In the pictures, she had been brought in from another groupa and was in an unfamiliar place, so she was a little nervous in a new environment. Sadly, in the orphanage at this time, she is unable to get any therapy. Imagine her potential and what she could do if she was getting physical, occupational and speech therapy! Mabel truly needs someone to adopt her soon, and help her become all that God has intended for her to be!

Poor, sad little Mabel — she’s been chewing on her sleeves and hands for self-soothing. She’s such a tiny little bird — please help her find a family so she can reach her full potential! She has the most beautiful eyes, let’s help put the shine back in them!

MABEL can stand for “Mothers Always Bring Extra Love,” and if ever a child needed extra love, it is this precious girl. She has no one to love on her- so she’s chewing on her hands and sleeves. Her little hands look raw. What a horrible way to have to comfort yourself- to just be a darling baby and no one love on you because you happen to have an extra chromosome. She’s tiny, no bigger than a 3 year old. Her cheeks are raw, from her having her wet hands against them, and the cool air of winter hitting them. Somewhere, this child has a mom that will bring “extra love” for this precious child of God with an “extra chromosome”. Mama? Do you see me?
Additional pictures available. Interested families should be homestudy approved (or close to it) prior to commitment. Large families welcome, older parents welcome, married couples only. Travel required.

$965.00 is available towards the cost of my adoption!

LOVE THEM as they have never been loved before!!

 

Patience may be a virtue, but I find patience to be impossible right now.

Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs on our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act" Proverbs 24:12

I have always believed that life prepares you for life. Wow, pretty ambiguous statement! What I mean by that is this: I believe that my experiences volunteering in Calcutta prepared me for my volunteer experience in Kenya. I believe that my inability to adopt Lazarus prepared me for my recent miscarriage. Loosely of course, as nothing can prepare someone for the loss of a child. However, since I already knew what it was like to lose the idea of Lazarus as my son.. . I had already tasted and survived a similar loss. I am now starting to wonder if that loss of Beckett was to open my heart and mind to children with special needs.

Oh, the plight of the children in Pleven are weighing so heavily on my heart and mind. I did not sleep much at all last night thinking. .. . and I cannot complain because my life is SO blessed. A 14 year old weighing just 14 pounds. How is that happening. Why has no one stopped this atrocity? Is God quietly telling me to step up? Is that why I cannot sleep?

I read a blog the other day regarding the process of discerning adoption and the author reports that she spoke to her husband about her desire to adopt and then she didn't mention it again for a month. A MONTH!!??!! She wanted God to speak to her husband and for him to come to the decision on his own. HOW?

I just am not sure that I am that great of a person. I cannot stop talking about it. It is so very important to me and so present in my heart and mind . . ..I cannot seem to keep my mouth shut.

Despite the fact that I cannot stop BLABBERING on and on and on, I fear that my darling husband has not heard a thing I have said. Lovely, traumatized, fragile Malcolm is headed to an institution in a matter of days. How do I keep quiet? That kind of trust is really difficult for me, especially when time is of the essence and is vital to Malcolm's well being.

I really was not wired to sit placidly by with the faith that things will work themselves out. I have always been one to jump in head first. .. . .

I would love any words of wisdom. Really.

Too Little

I have little to say that hasn't been said before. My story is not so different from anyone else's.  Are there no new ideas in the world? There must not be, it looks like the 31st American Pie movie is due to be released soon. UGH.

I am frustrated today. I am so motivated to assist the children of Reece's Rainbow and the families that are working to bring them home. As a stay at home Mama I am not an endless source of cash that I can endlessly send their way, though I want to. I really want to adopt. REALLY. But as one person in a marriage, I cannot make this decision on my own, and the issue of money comes up again.

I know by putting this frustration out there, I am opening myself up to all those people with more faith than I have to say, "if you follow God's plan all will fall into place. Don't fret." Logically I know that, and though I have faith I also have a husband that counts himself a pragmatist. This is how our marriage works. Perhaps that is why opposites attract. That balance is necessary.

So I considered opening a new Etsy shop to advertise and sell some of my crafty creations, but for the work, the return would be so minimal that it would be the tiniest drop in the bucket. I am feeling SO melancholy. How can I assist? I am not satisfied with the donation that I have already made. It all seems toooooo little.  Hmmm.

Doing nothing is also not an option. Since I am praying and waiting for the sign that adoption is an option. . . .what to do? I know that praying and donating and putting the children's sweet faces on my facebook page is something but it is not enough for me. I am a roll up my sleeves and dive in sort of person. I literally want to fly over there just to hug and love ALL of these children. It may sound over the top but not outside the realm of possibility. Prior to marriage and baby I would have done just that. . .

Literally open to suggestions!

I seriously can't stand how cute Little Mark is. .. . Can't I just bring him home already?

Mark 31C

8mq2-31
Boy, born October 2009

Little Mark has Down syndrome and was born with some heart issues (Atrial Septal Defects, no impairment of circulation), but surgery hasn't been found necessary yet.
Full medical history available.


Mark is usually in good mood. He plays with toys variously, jabbers. He is active.

$3189.00

Wild Abandon

I saw two lives joined together this weekend. My dear friend Ryan found a delightful woman that puts up with him. Not only puts up with him, but loves him. With wild abandon! God is so good! For those out there still searching, have FAITH! Love is out there!
Everyone in attendance celebrated this momentous occasion. Some more than others. Ahem.. .ouch!
Sometimes joy can be as painful as sorrow. Still, I recommend grabbing joy where you can, and holding on for all it's worth.
Last week I had finished shredding old tax documents and the like and I had more than a bag full of shredded paper. Eli had been watching with the rapt attention that only a 2 year old can demonstrate. He was riveted not only by the noise of the shredder but with the paper itself.

I totally got caught up in the joy of watching him discover and experience life. Fueled by this I decided to let life get a little messy...

I turned his drum upside down and poured the entire contents of that bag into it. Eli was giddy! He jumped right into it. Um. . . It was not a well thought out idea. Paper went EVERY where. It clung to Eli's clothing and hair. It was stuck to the bottom of my shoes.

His laughter and whoops filled the air. . . .but did nothing to lessen the frown on dear Hubby's face when he surveyed the ginormous mess in the living room. I had to giggle anyways. Eli was having a fabulous time, incredulous that I was allowing this to happen, he wasn't about to squander a second of it! What was I to do at this point but join in!

WHAT A MESS IT WAS! Paper everywhere! In that lovely vent you can see in the last picture. . .in Eli's hair. I still find random bits of paper falling out of a trucks and toys . . .and it makes me smile.

In a nutshell, that is life. Right? It can get messy. But if you surrender to the joy and the mess that life can be, messy doesn't have to mean disaster and cleaning it up is infinitely more entertaining!

As I have been religiously following the children of Reece's Rainbow, I read about Sam. A lovely boy about to age out of the system. I will not go into detail about what it means to age out of the system in Eastern Europe, instead let us focus on and enable HOPE!

SAMUEL for the Morton family — Ridgeway, VA

Traci and Dave Morton have been married for almost 24 years. They have four children, ranging in age from 8 to 20. Although they had been supporting friends who were in the process of adopting, the Mortons hadn’t seriously considered adopting themselves…until the day that Traci read a blog post and found herself staring at the face of her son. She knew immediately that bringing him home was God’s plan for her family.
The Mortons are grateful for the still, small voice from God that has prompted the much anticipated additions to their family, and very much appreciate your prayers and support along their journey.

3/7/12—HOMESTUDY in PROGRESS

Follow the family’s adoption journey on their blog at http://eightmortons.blogspot.com

This is MESSY and so amazing that I literally cried when I saw he was going to have a home of his own. A family of his own. It took him 16 years to find. .. .

Adoptions are wicked expensive! Please visit the blog of the Morton family working to make Sam their own. It is a good read, a kick ass cause and worthy of a donation!! Look at that smile! And that was taken BEFORE he knew that a family wanted him. Can you imagine his joy now??

So, as I stated above, LOVE IS THERE. . . .you just have to be ready for it in WHATEVER shape or size or condition that it comes in. Where there is love there is joy. Seek it with wild abandon.

This Journey

Two posts in one day. This can and will be blamed on caffiene. I wonder how I would function at all without this beloved drug.

2011 ended with apprehension and worry. 2012 began with a slap. Well, maybe more like a nasty uppercut. It didnt knock me out but it landed me on my butt in more ways than one.

January 7th 2012.
Tears. Flowers. Dirt. A gaping hole in the ground and in my heart. The tiniest coffin I have ever seen. My two year old trying to take it all in and make sense of it all. Something his parents were struggling with themselves.
This is the closest I will ever come to having a picture of my 2 boys together. After discovering something was wrong with my baby in my first trimester, my sweet baby boy returned to heaven at a precious 14 weeks old. I was heartbroken.

A week after we buried precious Beckett we learned that he had tested positive for Trisomy 21. Prior to the miscarriage, Gavin and I had started coming to terms with the knowledge that our baby would have special needs and all that came along with that. We grieved for the hopes and dreams we had for this child, accepted reality and started dreaming and planning again. And then it was over. Just. Like. That.

Hmmm. It sounds all so civilzed and mature. It was not. I fretted and cried and yelled at God and worried and worried. And worried. And cried some more. It is horrible to know that your baby needs help and even though you are carrying that precious life, there is nothing that can be done. Aside from giving it to God. Which I did but it did not take away the pain. The helplessness. Agony.

I count myself lucky in so many ways. I was able to see and hold my tiny, tiny, perfect precious boy. I was able to name him and bury him. Even now that moment moves me to tears. He was PERFECT! I could count his fingers and his toes. God is amazing. It really brought home to me what a miracle life is. How fragile as well.  There was peace in that moment. I had an angel in heaven.

An angel in heaven. Angel. Mine. A success of sorts. I believe it to be the goal of a parent to do everything they can to see that their child makes it to heaven. There are NO guarantees. As painful as the loss of Beckett was, I couldn't escape the joy that he was in heaven. AND THEN I got jealous. Not a rational jealous. OH NO. That wouldn't be my style. A loco-jealous. Who was getting to meet and get to know him before me?? Who got to hear his laughter? Who got to see him smile?? What did he look like?? How does it feel to hold him?? WHY DO THEY GET TO KNOW BEFORE ME????? What is fair about that?? I prayed that he would be given the welcome that he deserves, met with generations of family, kisses, hugs, laughter. . . .with the choirs of angels singing. . . .you get the picture. But MAN I was JEALOUS! Still am a bit.

I cannot wait for my reunion with Beckett. He has truly changed my life.

There is no going back after such a great loss.
I became curious about children with Down Syndrome. What had I missed out on. .. . trying to fill in the gaps of what my life may have been like. NOT HEALTHY, I am sure, but I was driven to research anyways.
AND THEN, I read Adeye's blog about the plight of children with special need and Down Syndrome  in Eastern Europe. I was moved to my core. Rattled. Shocked. Horrified. Angry.
http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/

This is the face of desperation--of abandonment, neglect and poverty! The pictures were too too much.

In a word: HOOKED.

Reece's Rainbow is an  angelic organization advocating adoption for special needs children in 25 countries. The children and their stories really touched my heart. I HAVE to take action. I cannot unlearn this information. I cannot un-see these images. Everytime I cuddle my son I cannot help but think of all the children in need of love, cuddles and families.

I cannot turn my back. I REFUSE! Beckett would have been loved as no other. I am all in.


((((I stole these pictures from Adeye's blog))))

A beginning. .. .

I am new to this. Brand new.

I am about to say something that is probably completely unacceptable. Until a month ago, I was not a fan or follower of any one blog. Until a month ago when so many things started to shift and change for me.

As things really start to accelerate and morph into new and exciting (and terrifying) realities, I thought it would be nice to save and share some of these moments.  Lucky you! I know this is all too ambiguous but I am not one to over share on a first date so I will not on a blog as well. Patience and you will soon understand!

I am going to start with Daylight Savings (Nonsense You Have Completely Messed Up My Week So Far) Time. One hour. How can one measly hour throw my entire existence off?? Setting my clock forward has really never been an issue. I never even paid it much attention and POW, this time it has had a major impact on me. Perhaps it is another sign of aging?

Perhaps it is my 2 year old whose actions scream out "Who is screwing with my routine?" I have to support and agree with his angst.

Daylight Savings Time. .. you are officially on my list!