The not so long awaited rant. . .

Today is the DAY! Yup, talking to Father today. . .good thing I am well rested. . .4 hours.  Wowza. Thank you everyone for your support and prayers, I am sure it is going to go very well. How could it not???

On the plus side, I made an appointment to get my haircut. Yup! Bout dang time!! Forgive me Father, I think it has been 4 months since my last. . .haircut.  I resolve to avoid the near occasion of helmet head and hairbands. .. .AMEN.

So, I love the Martha Stewart Living magazine (but dislike Martha herself. Figure that one out. I am convinced that she does not come up with these ideas on her own, but steals them from her staff and in her strange man-like voice claims them as her own...). I usually only purchase 2 issues a year, Halloween and Christmas, but I love looking through her ideas and chuckling, as there was NO WAY I could/would/should attempt 90% of her ideas or recipes. It is a lesson in futility and humility but I cannot get enough.
So, imagine my surprise and delight when I read that by completing a simple survey online, I could receive a free YEAR SUBSCRIPTION to Living. .. .Oh yea! So that simple survey was a not so simple pain in the butt, but I got through it. .. all for Martha Stewart and a few hours of entertainment reveling in my own shortcomings every month. ..for a year!
Now, I understand how crazy this sounds, but the 10% of things I have attempted from the Martha Stewart vault of "Good things" have turned out awesome. There.. ..my thanks to M.S.... every year I have people begging me to make "my" Cranberry Jalapeno Jam. And of course I do. I would hate to disappoint my adoring public.

Eli and I have been having regular battles over his eating habits or lack there of.  (Yup, the woman that frequently eats Jelly Beans and Tortilla Chips as a meal is attempting to teach her son proper, healthy eating habits.) I don't know why this is not working. He will simply not eat much. As I often do now, I look back to my own childhood to see if this was something I did. .. and how it was handled.
As a young child, I hated peas. Actually, that might be an understatement. I abhorred peas. The sight of them. The mealy, nasty texture of them. The earthy, putrid smell of them. There was no way I was going to put them in my mouth AND swallow them. In desperation, they forced me to put the peas into my mouth (after I had sat at the table nearly an hour after everyone else had finished and left.) They could force me to put the peas in my mouth, but they could not force me to swallow them, stubborn fart that I was! I packed those peas into my cheeks and there they stayed. They could grab my chin, yell at me, threaten me and send me to bed early, but I was NOT swallowing those peas. And I didn't. I would wake up in the morning with peas still crammed in my cheeks. HOW GROSS IS THAT? As clearly evident, I was a delightful, charming little girl.

For some strange reason I still cannot stomach peas. I have given them to my son however, because that is just how mean of a Mama I am. ..but the sights and smells cause my stomach to recoil.. ...GAG.

So, nearly 8 weeks after I completed the above mentioned survey I received my first issue of Living. I had totally forgotten that I should have been waiting eagerly for this event. .. .As soon as I put Eli down for his nap, I pounced on it! Sure I should have done the laundry, the dishes... picked of Eli's toys....But I picked up this magazine. That is how badly Martha has worked for me. She actually helps me avoid being a domestic wunderkind. Eager for one recipe, one craft that I would be able to attempt I dove right in.

I read from back of the magazine. .. .I don't know why, I just find it easier and more enjoyable. A couple of pages in I cringed. After passing the ad for amazing Zit Cream (I may need to give that a second look) and instructions on the most ridiculous and inane cakes ever, I came across this: "the truth about toxins." Yup, feed my frenzy about all the death inducing chemical in my house. That's a nice relaxing way to spend my nap time. .. .and it got worse from there. Imagine my dismay when there were 4 fabulous PEA recipes. .. what a waste! I could read no further. Martha Stewart,  you are on my list. .. .

I was close to throwing the long awaited mag into the bin. . . but the zit cream saved you Martha. Your magazine was saved by zit cream. .. .how does that make YOU feel?