Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Call

The picture changed our lives. We were called to rush forward. To tell everyone we met that we LOVED him and were rushing to him to tell him just that. We were called to shower him with love and provide for him.

As much as I tried to keep myself from getting too attached before he was in my arms, I could not help myself. I mean, come on. .. look at him. He is precious beyond words. I could not wait to smooth his wispy hair, hear his giggle. Watch his eyes light up with joy. Learn his personality. Watch him grow. When we got our travel date, I was ecstatic!

Then, on Thursday, a miracle happened. My husband and I agreed upon a name for this sweet little boy.  You have NO idea what a monumental undertaking that was! We had our travel dates, so much excitement AND a name. Amazing.

Early Friday another call came. THE call. The dreaded call. I almost didn't answer. I thought I had braced myself for this possibility, I was wrong. In under 30 days we will not be holding Pasha. I will not get to wrap those perfect fingers around my own finger. I will not get to kiss those sweet cheeks and tell him how loved he truly is. I will not get to snuggle the boy I have been dreaming about for the past 4 months. Pasha is being adopted domestically. Poof. Like that. The dream turned to dust.

Happy news for our sweet little munchkin, he WILL have a family. He will be free from the orphanage soon enough. I pray wholeheartedly that his life be long and blissfully happy. I also pray that he felt our love while he waited. ..

Oh, every time I see this picture my heart breaks a little more. I honestly did not think I would react so strongly to news that I knew was a possibility.

My husband and I are praying fervently that God illuminates our path from here. The wind has been knocked out of our sails and we are working to establish a direction.

Please pray for Pasha and his family. May their process fly so that they can incorporate him into their family very quickly!


  1. Praying so hard for all of you. <3 I'm so sorry.

  2. This has got to be so incredibly difficult. I am so sorry for your loss.

  3. Ohhh....prayers going up from here. I'm agreeing with you also in prayer that the Lord shows you His path from here. God's richest blessings to you & for little Pasha.

  4. Lots of hugs for you my dear... i can't imagine your heartbreak - my heart is breaking for you... i'm glad to hear Pasha has a family coming for him & will pray along with you that Pasha's family will bring him home real quick & care for him well & help him to grow up into a God-fearing, useful person. Praying also for you & your husband... praying that God bring you the comfort that only He can give and that He will give you a direction to head from here... maybe He will show you another child who dearly needs you & your family... hugs!

  5. So many prayers have been offered for you this weekend.

  6. You are all in my daily prayers! Sorry this has happened! Heiko

  7. Oh my. I am so deeply saddened for you. Prayers to you and your husband, as well as Pasha. Laura Welchert

  8. I'm so incredibly sad to hear this. Praying for you as your heart heals. :****(

  9. It is possible that you were instrumental in Pasha's family stepping forward. Knowing that he was wanted could have given them the courage to claim him before it's too late. Remember how hard it is to cope with a SN child in his country, and you gave them the impetus to do so! This is how real social change will happen so these sweet children are not given up in the first place! This is a real blessing for everyone. You will still be given a new child hand-picked by G*d just for your family. Your new child will be just perfect!

    Perhaps you can ask to connect with Pasha's family to offer encouragement and support in their journey?

  10. I found this post while Googling to figure out what happened to Pasha--I checked on him often on the RR page. He is around the same age as my youngest, and when I first saw his picture (a friend adopted through RR and posts links to her FB page often), I wanted him. I knew it was unlikely I would ever convince my husband to pursue adoption, but I was still a little sad to see "My family found me" under Pasha's picture one day. I was happy for him, of course...but a little sad for me. I'm so sorry for you, knowing you lost him when you were hoping to bring him home. I'm glad he found a family.

    1. Lindsey, thank you for this! I was beside myself for a while and to this day. . I find myself missing Pasha. It is strange since I never actually met him, but I felt like he was mine and I loved him. Still love him. I am due to give birth this summer and we will use Pasha as his middle name. That little boy sure changed my life. I hope and pray that he has a fabulous life with his family!

  11. Sorry, I don't know if this is going through twice. I just wanted to say that I found your blog Googling for information about Pasha, because I'd watched his RR posting after seeing him on a friend's FB page (she adopted from RR). The first time I saw him, I wanted him. He looks like my sons, he's the same age as my youngest. I knew it was unlikely I could ever convince my husband to pursue adoption, but I was still a little sad to see "My family found me" under Pasha's picture. I'm sorry to know you were hoping to adopt him and lost him...of course it's wondering he'll have a family, but I'm sure it still hurts.