A new perspective

A year ago today we were told that the sweet baby in my womb was no longer living. He was still with me and yet...not.

A year ago today I was blowing my nose unceasingly, wondering if life would ever return to normal.

The answer is no.

Today I am again on the couch, blowing my nose unceasingly (due to a cold this time) and I can say with a smile that life never returned to normal. Every time I think of Beckett and the loss of my child, time again reverts to slow-mo. The ache is still there, not as sharp, not as pervasive but still there. I am still plagued with "why me?" NO ONE in my family has experienced this, not that I want them to, ever. ...but really. Why me? Why my son? I no longer express this question with sorrow or burning anger, but it still plagues me.

In a sick and perhaps twisted way, I am thankful that it WAS me. This single devastating event in my life pulled my life off the scenic road and put me on an expressway...on an adventure that has indeed insured that my life will NEVER be the same. It is better, far richer than I could have imagined. Less than a year later, we welcome Evan into our family and began preparing for another baby. What a turnaround!

I think that our society respects tragedy and loss to the extent that rising above it and making something good come out of it is no longer common. People instead seem to linger with their grief and spend years searching out the answer to "why me?" The desire for sympathy and comfort from others can be overwhelming. With that approach, so many miss the opportunity to grow from loss. To change direction, to see a bigger picture. Instead, with loss, their world shrinks. This is a double tragedy.

Grief is important and necessary. Loss is a part of life, sadly. It does not have to make or break you, unless you really want it to. Do not get me wrong, I did not pick myself up right away and get on with life. I mourned my loss for a while. Heck, I am still mourning the loss of Lazarus and that was 4 years ago. . .these things need to be worked through and that takes time, but keep your eyes open whilst working through it, great things are happening all around you.

Had I not opened my mind and heart, little Evan would not be here today. I would have missed out on hundreds of miracles. . .children finding homes and their happy homecoming stories. I feel that the loss of Beckett led me to Reece's Rainbow and to Evan. To amazing families that are adopting beautiful children from across the world. To friends that have changed my life and my perspective forever.

Loss sucks. Grieving is no fun. Sometimes life is hard, but it can also be so very beautiful. If you need to watch a few miracles unfold, please follow the journeys that these families are on. I promise you will be inspired.
http://reecesrainbow.org/category/sponsorafamily/newcommitments

Already Home – 2012

The newest “colors” of Reece's Rainbow