Friday, June 29, 2012

Squirmy awkward feelings. . .

I am well aware of the humbling nature of parenting. Those lovely moments when your child(ren) make you want to run to the nearest corner and hide your face. .. admit defeat and curl in the fetal position. Yes, I am well aware of that aspect of parenting. I experienced it last night, twice. .. .while attempting to join my voice with others in my community for the Fortnight for Freedom. Instead of praying or getting sleepy and cuddly (it was nearing his bedtime and throwing off our nightly routine) he was trying to blow out the candles from his seat. Twirling. . .clapping after every reading.. . you know the drill. Yes, the church has a cry room, but the snot and bodily fluids are nearly visible on the pews, the floors and the walls. It is grim. Grrrrrr-im.

I was admitting defeat and leaving mid-service. . .making the walk of shame down the aisle when I spotted my sister and her family. 

Well, I couldn't just leave, so we scooted in next to them for another awkward experience. Eli was so excited as he LOVES his cousins. As evidenced by him putting his hands on his cousin's legs and leaning forward so close it looked like he  was going to kiss him on the mouth. Something our family doesn't do. . ..instead of kissing, Eli sniffed him. Not loudly enough for people around to know what was happening, nope, quietly enough that the whole scene was simply strange and uncomfortable. Mostly for me, I think. And maybe for Eli's cousin.

This morning Eli woke up laughing. I love when he does that. .. .sweet giggles. "I sniffed Chris, Mama. He was trying to pray and I sniffed him." Giggles. I giggled at his delight but I blushed again as well. Sigh. .. the joys of parenting. 

I must be a little crazy because I cannot wait to see the million and one ways that Pasha will make me blush and cringe. I hope he will find joy as easily as Eli does. I have so many hopes! Eager does not begin to describe how I feel about holding him, claiming him and loving him forever.

Our process is chugging full steam ahead and if it continues, we should be submitted to Pasha's country in about 2 weeks and travel will follow 8 weeks later. . .this means travel in the fall. SO fast. I have buried myself in the paper chase and mulled over fundraising ideas.. .but continued donating to other families instead. I am FAR more comfortable helping other families. Asking for assistance is totally cringe worthy. Thus starts the humbling nature of parenting. .. all without the reward of cuddles, giggles and slobbery kisses. It is nerve-wracking, totally doable but nerve-wracking nonetheless. God willing, the cuddles, giggles and kisses will soon follow!

As I stated many moons ago, I cashed out my retirement to fund this adoption. After the government took it's fair share, the amount deposited will not fully cover the adoption expenses. Fundraising will have to be done. Sigh. How to go about it? I am uncomfortable with this. There are so many kids in need of homes, so many children with far more need, children that have been waiting far too long. . .Pasha is not one of these children, does this mean that he doesn't deserve a family. .. does it mean that I should not fundraise? Obviously he deserves a family, though I am not sure he deserves a life of being sniffed by his big brother, but who am I to decide that? I want him home before he is old enough to understand that he is in an orphanage. Desperately. So I will do what I can to make this happen. I hope that this can be forgiven.

I am working on a couple of ideas: a rummage sale (though I have heard that these can be nightmares and headaches,) a giveaway and an auction. For those that live nearby, I am also trying to throw an 80s Dance Party Benefit.. . .still waiting on a response from the venue. In the meantime, should I take up a post on the side of the road? 

If anyone has any items that they would like to see on a giveaway or any items they would like to donate (or if you would simply like to donate to our fund) that would be GREATLY appreciated. Perhaps with enough peer pressure, dear hubby will agree to participate in my original fundraising idea: "I want to do a dance for you." For this fundraiser, people would donate a set amount and email me one song request. I would then video my husband busting a move to that song. . . .and I would send it to the donor. Awesome right?? Well he agreed until he actually thought about it. . .. then he came up with several (lame) excuses as to why it was not a good idea. Sigh. 
I will keep you all posted on hubby's willingness to be a dancer for hire.. . .

Until then I will be hiding my face in the corner; hoping and praying that God works this out for us!

If you are interested in helping some other families:

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAA!! I love that story about Eli. That's hilarious. I hope he sniffs some more people because that's so cute. ;)

    Yay for fundraising!! You'll do fine!