Thursday, June 21, 2012

Adoption brain and the 10 lb block o'chicken

I cook, but not willingly and not well.
I think, but not willingly and again, not well.

I am doing my best at the coupon game, still a little new to it and still a little too lazy to be really good at it. However, I stumbled on an awesomely spectacular deal a little while ago at a local butcher shop (EW.) I got a 10 lb back of chicken quarters for 7.90. Now, I admittedly don't like to use my brain, but that seemed like a wonderful deal so I hefted that bag of chicken into my car and happily went home to brag of my find to my husband.

Several nights later chicken was on the menu and my husband agreed to cook.. ..yay! He took that bag of chicken out the the freezer. Looked at it. Looked at me and shook his head. "I know! Unbelievable deal, right? I SCORED! You are so lucky to have me around to find such awesome deals for you." He grimaced and shook his head again. Then he dropped the entire bag of chicken on the kitchen floor. Thud. The house shook. He picked it up and threw the bag back to the floor, with force. Massive thud. He looked down at the bag and then at me.

The bag was then picked up and placed on the counter. Husband started rummaging around and I went about my business until the grumbling and strange racket became impossible to ignore. I walked into the kitchen to see my husband with a hammer in his hand, repeatedly whacking the chicken. . ..with increasing force. This went on for a while, yet I did not venture any further into the kitchen. Hubby turned to me with irritation, "nice 10lb chicken ice cube you have here Becki. GREAT DEAL! We are having Pizza for dinner." Uh-oh.

I walked over to see the chicken glacier. There was no evidence of the beating that ice cube just took. Not a dent. Nothing. I can see how that could irritate someone. . .. so I put the chicken in another ziploc baggie and placed it back in the freezer.
Nick and the block
What the heck was I going to do? Obviously it has to thaw out. But once it thaws, do I have to cook it all at once? I am pretty sure I have no need for 10lbs of chicken at the same time. Can I thaw it and then just re-freeze it? Am I going to poison my entire family with this silly block of chicken?  What the heck am I going to do. Google failed me, in an epic way. I refused to admit defeat, still believing in the deal of the century. . . .and I sang, "she's a young thing that cannot leave her mother. ..  "

A week later my brain stumbled on the solution and again, I was a genius. Order restored! Father's Day BBQ! Invite the family over, it will be fun! Most everyone agreed to come. .. perfect! On the menu? CHICKEN!
So, the night before the BBQ that big block o-chicken was once again resurrected from the freezer and set on the counter to thaw. Before falling asleep we commiserated together that perhaps I was out of my mind.  A BBQ for 13 people? Why do seemingly simple tasks seem overwhelmingly impossible?? We have never BBQ'd anything other that hotdogs and burgers. . . .we fell asleep wondering if tomorrow was going to work at all, but comforted by our abundance of hotdogs and burgers available as back-up.
On his Father's Day morning, dear Hubby was greeted with a river of bloody chicken juice and goo all over the counter and floor. Serious gross out moment. Being the awesome man that  he is, he cleaned it up and disinfected the kitchen, so when I woke up all I saw was his grimace and a sparkling clean kitchen.

An hour before the guests were set to arrive, Husband looks at me with a grin, "I am not sure about this today. That chicken looked sad. Every chicken leg was broken. When I was transferring them to ziploc baggies, they just flopped around. One piece looked like the meat was on the outside and the skin was on the inside. .. is that even possible?" I looked at him with disbelief. "What are you talking about? And whatever you are talking about, could you have talked about it any earlier?" His response: "Uh, remember the hammer? I thought that it hadn't even made a dent. Uh. I was wrong."

The laughing began and didn't end until we both had tear streaked cheeks. On the menu? Hammer tenderized chicken. Pulverized chicken pieces. Awesome.

Somehow our mini BBQ gave those broken chicken quarters a new lease on life.  They were DELICIOUS!

Totally wonderful metaphor for our adoption! It is an awesome deal, to bring Pasha into our hearts and family, but it takes time. It may not always be pretty, we may feel pulverized. We need to wait for everything to thaw out and resist the urge to take a hammer to it. .. and as with most things, it is BEST when shared with friends and family. I know this is super belated, but honestly that IS how I roll, I hope everyone had a blessed and happy Father's Day!


  1. Lol! I love it. Wonderful comparison too.

  2. Awesome - boneless chicken a la sledgehammer!