Fatherless Friday: Fatherless For 15 years

This is my first Fatherless Friday Post. I am super excited that I am on schedule. . .. yay me! I will get the hang of this someday! There is hope for me yet!

Over seven years ago I traveled to Kenya to spend 3 months working at an HIV Orphanage. I fell head over heels in love with 96 children. I was completely blown away by my capacity to love and by the love I received in return. I still love these children with everything that I have, but I am going to write about one extremely special boy in my life. His name is Lazarus and he is larger than life. He changed my life. For the better.

He has lived at Nyumbani (the orphanage in Kenya) all his life. Despite his diagnosis and his situation, nothing keeps him down. He is unstoppable, unflappable and so faithful to God. He is quite possibly the most inspirational person I have every met. I struggled for 7 years to make him my son. This was not meant to be. I mourn this every day. I know he is well cared for and happy. . .. it is my own selfishness that I hold on to the desire to make him mine. Adoption from Kenya is nearly impossible. (I have lots of bitterness and anger to vent. . .so I will leave it at that.) I am not sure if they are currently open to foreign adoptions at this juncture. I am still a little too bitter to check into this. . .moving on.

On Sunday April 29th Lazarus was welcomed into his community as a MAN! My little boy is a man. It is a massive coming of age rite in Kenya that starts with circumcision and ends 2 weeks later with a large celebration. Such a big deal!! I couldn't be prouder of him. A slip of paper saying that I am his legal Mom would not change the amount of love and pride I have for this child.

He is pictured cutting the cake with the other Men. . .he is the little guy in front. Oh, my heart just swells for him. 15 years old. Wow!

For 15 years, Lazarus has grown up without a Father of his own, and yet he has grown and has become a man. I know that given the chance, I would jump at the opportunity to bring him home. Fifteen is  not too old for him to acclimate to a family. Not too old for him to blossom and grow and excel. Not to old for me to squeeze and cuddle him every day. NOT TOO OLD!

There are a number of boys listed on Reece's Rainbow that have also spent 15 years without a Father. I am pretty sure they have not had the benefit of an AWESOME orphanage like Lazarus has. Nevertheless, look at these boys. They are precious indeed and waiting ever so patiently for their family. Don't make them wait any longer!! Fifteen years is plenty long to wait! Fifteen is not too old for them to be smothered with love, cuddled and nurtured.

Emmitt

Boy, Born January 26, 1998  

 Emmitt is a sweet boy.  He is living in one of the mental institutions, and has been for many years, yet he remains sweet, intelligent, and kind.  Two of our adopting families met him while they were there, and are pleading for a family to save him.     From his medical records:  myelomeningocele  (spina bifida)   From one of our adoptive families:  " Emmitt has a severe deformity of his legs.  He cannot walk at all.  He is very friendly, funny, and talkative. He desperately seeks out attention.  He was talking to my husband, and holding Zack's hand, which he then put on top of his head for Zack to rub his hair.  He is extremely intelligent, and just precious!  I brought him paper and crayons, and he drew me a flower  "

We are seeking more official medical information about his condition, but hope someone out there will see this sweet young man and know his kind and loving spirit.

$1678.50 is available towards the cost of my adoption!

Donations are tax deductible.

Bartholemew 9HA

17eh0-9

Boy, born August 1997

Blue Eyes

Blond hair

The nature of Moody

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

Oh, this poor boy.  His lips look so dry.  Our heart breaks for his look of sadness!  Barth is almost 15.  He needs a family fast!  This region allows unrelated children to be adopted.  Please consider him and maybe another child from this region.

Charlie 9HA

wow6-9

Boy, born June 1998

Brown eyes

Hair dark brown

The nature uncommunicative

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

Charlie is almost 14!  He looks so small.  Yet, he finds a reason to smile.  Charlie would make a great big brother to some lucky little child.  If you have any concerns about older child adoptions, feel free to ask us here at Reece’s Rainbow.  We have many people that could give you the information you are looking for!

Jared 9HA

16682-9

Boy, born October 1996

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

Blue Eyes

Nature of fun, not relaxing – he sounds like a busy guy!
Jared will be 16 in October, He needs a family soon or his chances to find a family will be gone. His description says “Nature of fun, not relaxing.” He sounds like a typical 16 year old!!

Families considering our older, institutionalized children should be home study approved prior to commitment.

If you are not in a place to adopt right now, I understand. Please pray. Pray for these boys. ..

Oh the memories. . ..

I stepped out in my robe to let puppy out this morning and I was greeted with a crisp breeze, overcast sky and a feeling of expectation. It was a Kenyan morning, here in Oregon. The mornings in Kenya were often cool, sometimes overcast and always filled with the promise of joy, laughter and sunshine. I am not sure if sunshine will come today. ..did I mention I am in Oregon? But I will take the memories and the warm fuzzy feeling I was met with this morning.

Oh, I have had some wonderful experiences. Enough to fill several books. So lucky to have so much joy in  my life and more than enough happy memories to carry me through some of the tougher times life can bring. I am blessed.

Feeling so reminiscent I will post an email that I sent several years ago. I love the hope in it. Even knowing how the story ends. .. I love the hope.

As the END draws nearer (June 16, 2006)

Aww.. as the end draws nearer, I see Kenya in a bit different light. . in my desperate attempt to soak up as much of the kids, the locals and everything that makes Kenya so great:

The miniature frogs that took over the orphanage after the torrential rain that came out of nowhere and surprised C and I on our walk home.
All of my "hellos" being answered with a resounding "Fine!"
The millions of different songs being broadcast so loudly out of each and every shop I walk by in Nairobi.
The one-hand command to KUJA (come here) from Laz everyday when I get back from Karen. .only so he can shake up the soda I am about to drink.
The masses of young children walking home that shout out "Hello, Mzungu! How are you? FINE!" "How are you, FINE!" and some adding "Give us money!" Aw. (mzungu basically means Whitey)
Anywhere you may be in Kenya. . there are people walking. . .to unknown destinations. . .always walking. On occasion I am blessed to see the Masai walking as well, in their bright robes, regal carriage. Ah. . .so beautiful.
On the way to Karen, being lucky enough to see a million different butterflies flitting about in every direction. . .I LOVE KENYA!!!

Sigh. . . .in 8 days. . .8 shorts days, I will again be ripped ever so coldly from this daydream that is life in Kenya. . ..ugh and be thrust into the real world of commutes and cubicles. . .blah blah blah.
I hate that I must go, but take comfort in the fact that i know i will be back again as soon as possible!
On the adoption front. . .the ALMIGHTY Father Dag returned home here late Wednesday and I had planned to give him a day to settle before pouncing. . .but early Thursday morning Fr Dag beat me to the punch and summoned me even before I had done anything to my hair. . . .in my excitement. .i went to meet him as is. .
For some unknown reason, it appears that Dag likes me! Rock on! He summoned me to discuss the volunteer program, my adoption and to welcome me home. AW! HE went so far as to tell me that I was doing GOD'S work. Oh yeah!! 

Anywho, when talking about the adoption, Father informed me that he had a Kenyan Board Member that is an attorney that has offered to assist me with my adoption pro bono. . .and fast track it somehow! I find this out late. .. he will be here in 2 weeks and I leave in one week. . . if I had known a mere three days earlier, I could have pushed my ticket back to meet him in person and start the ball rolling. as it is now. .. I will have to communicate via phone or email. . .not my strongest mode of communication, though I am convinced all is happening for a reason and will all work out! I am filled with so much hope for the future of this adoption process. .. .with Dag convinced that I am doing GOD's work. . . golden!
There are a million kids sick here today, only a slight exaggeration. With the weather turning colder, kids and volunteers alike are being struck with horrendous colds and coughs. C and I were struck as well. i am hoping that the hacking cough recedes a bit more before I must fly home.
Hmm. trying to think of what kids you all want to hear about. . .

C and I, having not learned our lesson from the last time, will again make dinner for the big boy's cottage.. .it should be super entertaining to say the least.
Not much to report from AB cottage. Since the world cup began, the kids have been literally stuck to the super tiny tv in the cottage. I have actually enjoyed hanging out with them while they watch.
well, I should go, ELIJAH just had the nerve to call me a slacker.....SHOCK!

Miss you all!

Wow, it seems that my writing style has changed quite a bit since 2006. Not all change is bad. haha

My Love Letter

Oh Lazarus, my child, born of my heart. The son I labored through 7 years for. . . only to fail to make you mine.

Lazarus, you are well on your way to becoming a man. A wonderfully strong, God-trusting, humorous man. I am delighted to know you, my dear. When I met you, you were 7 years old and so packed with mischievous energy, I swear it added a bounce to your step. You were quite possibly the cutest little boy I had ever seen, which is really an incredible statement since you were in an orphanage with over 100 of the dearest, loveliest children I have ever encountered. . .but you. You grabbed my heart and did not let go.

The way you shuffled your feet as you meander on your way, never in a hurry to get anywhere. The way your high pitched cackle could be heard across the yard (and always meant trouble.) The way you always sat next to me at Church, propping your head up on your hand and your elbow resting on my knee. So proprietary. It was as if you knew you had me wrapped around your finger. My heart was yours. I had never loved anything the way that I loved you. But I was a single woman. An American. A selfish, single american. .. head over heels in love with a 7 year old boy that lived across the world from the place I called home.

I left after my "tour of duty" but could not shake my love of you. So after 6 months of prayer and discernment, I returned to Kenya to ask Fr Dag if I could adopt you. I was so terrified and so full of hope. . .when he said "of course!" I literally cried happy tears. I could watch you grow. I could love you for my entire life. . .and provide everything I possibly could. .. I could be a parent to you. I was elated.

I had no idea where this path would take us. I knew that we were family. Whatever that took, we were family. My heart was yours, 100%. No idea that we would be on an emotional roller coaster for so many years. No idea. Please let me apologize for any heartache you endured as a result. I never wanted to bring you anything but love and happiness.

We all know how it ended, Lazarus. That dream ended, though my love for you has not waivered one bit. I still love you like my own child. I still dream of hugging you everyday, of hearing your laughter pierce the room. The spirit and presence and amazing wisdom that you bring into every situation. Though I no longer get to hug you, see you, hear you, you continue to amaze and inspire me. I am so very proud of you. In so many ways. If I could be there to see you cross over into manhood, please know I would be there. . .. the proudest mama. . .it breaks my heart that you are there and I am here, but God does know what HE is doing and we must have faith in HIM.

I want you to know, my dear boy that whenever God allows it, you have a home and a family here with me. With us. I love you to the moon and back, no distance, no time will ever change that! If you choose to remain where you are, I will STILL love you as my own. Nothing will ever change that! As you take this massive step into manhood, you have my full support, my prayers and my love. I am sure if you stay true to who you are and what you believe, you will be an incredible man, that will change the world.

I love you my dear son!


SIDE NOTE:
 I had the good fortune of hosting Lazarus in my house 2 years ago. It was so enlightening and entertaining. I will share some memories so that you all can see just how awesome he really is. 

Laz LOVES om-eggs, when he requests an om-egg, it sounds like he is asking for an om-leg, which really is an omlet. He would eat an om-egg every day if we let him.

 He informed me that he eats v-e-r-y slowly when he enjoys the food that he is eating, except when he is eating oatmeal at an insanely slow pace. He assures me his speed is not because he is enjoying himself.  


He absolutely hates cheese. He cannot stress this fact enough. He hates it, unless it is on a pizza, on a hamburger, in a calzone or on pasta. Then he finds it quite enjoyable, and takes his time enjoying it (see above.)
  
 Salt. Lazarus loves salt. He would probably attempt to put it on his oatmeal if I let him. However, he believes that when he eats too much salt he can dream the future.  He has numerous examples to support this belief.  Gavin has tried to get him to predict who will win the NBA finals. . . .no joy. 

  
 He also believes that with or without salt, he can effectively communicate with dogs. He often tells me exactly what Wicket (our dog) is trying to say when we cannot get him to stop barking. Wicket and Lazarus have become great friends, it seems that speaking the same language helps....

 Now, when I read through this, it sounds like all Lazarus talks about it food. .. this is not the case, but food is an important topic of conversation every day. Lazarus informed us that when he grows up he wants to be a chef in a hotel. I think that is a fantastic goal!!  

Lazarus loves his brother Eli as well. He asked me the other day if he could bring Eli back to Nyumbani with him. I offered him Gavin as a consolation. haha. Lazarus didnt take me up on it. 

 
We had a whirlwind trip for sure, and when I asked Lazarus what the highlight of his stay was he gave the question due consideration and replied "watching my brother Eli get baptized." He is the greatest!! See why I love him so?

Mega Millions

As I sit here and dream about what I would have done had I won MegaMillions I am overwhelmed with how much easier my life would be. Surely I could adopt Mark and any other child that caught my heart as money would be no object. I could help so many other children secure families with that money. I would live in a house with storage, not a 1920's house built before closets were "discovered."

I could help my kids at Nyumbani. The children that first stole my heart. Taught me unconditional, fearless love and unending faith. The children that taught me more than I could ever verbalize. . .thankfully I think they all know the depths of my love for them.

I could do SO much good with that money. Not just could, I WOULD.  I really thought that God SHOULD let me win!! I would be an awesome rich person.

But then I think back to the years I spent traveling to and from Kenya. Kenya became my sanctuary. The one place that never failed to center me. The truth of the matter is this: Kenya was my sanctuary due to the simplicity of my life there. There is SO much freedom in simplicity. It is really indescribable.

Life was not easy in Kenya. There was so much heartbreak. So much poverty. Poverty. The likes I had never seen before. So much unrest. So much hard work.  But there was also joy. Loads of joy. Boundless faith. Love.When I first arrived in Kenya the slow pace of life threatened to drive me mad! I could not downshift from the break neck pace of life I had in Oregon. Once I got over that,  my days seemed to last forever, filled to the brim with unforgettable moments. I never lost time in Kenya. I can easily lose hours here. 

I cannot claim to own too many belongings. I do not live an extravagant life. I do not wish to. However, what I do own still seems to easily distract me from what is most important. Life is SO short and yet I waste quite a bit of it in front of the TV. Watching other people live and experience life. What a waste!

I rarely missed TV in Kenya. Hot showers- those I often missed but it never ruined my day. Having to wash my laundry by hand and hang it to dry. . ..not fun. But it was worthwhile work. The lack of fast food was sometimes difficult since I really do not like cooking, but even that was do-able and there was joy when I was actually able to cook on the makeshift stove I had.

The beauty and wonder of my surroundings were never lost on me. It was all I had sometimes to occupy my mind. Well, that and my little Lazarus. (I will definitely need to blog about him and my attempts to adopt him sometime.)

Is he not the cutest little bundle of trouble?? Oh how I love him!

I always marveled at past Lottery winners complaining about how the winnings ruined their lives. I often mocked them and thought how I would never have the problems they experienced. I had discipline and morals. . ..right? I had focus and I didn't need or want to accumulate too much stuff, I just wanted life to be easier.

Back to Kenya. Life was not easy, but I can honestly say, those years were the HAPPIEST of my life. I would not change anything. It does not mean that I am not happy now. I have my family and I could not be more fulfilled. But Kenya, my Kenya. You have given and taken so much from me . . . and it was all worth it. The absence of a TV, a Car, hot showers, McDonald's, more than 2 pairs of shoes, the absence of pride, of comfort. . . .it gave me more than any mega millions win could have.

So, what a long and meandering way to make my point. It is trite and glib to simply say that "money doesn't buy happiness." Well in really considering what life would be like had I had the "good fortune" of winning Megamillions, I wonder what would have been lost. How distracted I may have become from what is really important in life. How many experienced tainted by luxury and how many friendships soured by suspicion and greed? Perhaps the money and responsibility of it would be become burdensome. Perhaps my marriage would have suffered. WHO KNOWS. It is a gift that I won clarity and simplicity instead of money.