My husband was there. People were praying, I know. God was clearly there, though at the time I was beginning to despair and fear the outcome of my labors. There were doctors and nurses, however those medical professionals were not listening to me. It was up to me and Opie. (And God, of course.) Opie and I were in a scary, scary fight and we were alone.
This past year has been exhausting. Once one battle was won, another began. So many nights spent fervently praying for his safety and strength. So much life has been crammed into this year that I honestly do not think that I have had the chance to really process the trauma that preceded Opie's glorious arrival.
This is likely partially why I want to clutch him so close to me and just sob the day away.
I want to celebrate him and his warrior spirit. To shout to everyone that I know. . .this is NOT a normal birthday. This is a MIRACLE! To sob with gratitude for his presence in my life. Even when he wakes me up 4 times a night. I am so thankful. And here I sit. And sob.
One year ago today. I was too scared to cry. Too focused on the battle at hand. Too angry with the medical team that was not fighting with me....today, I am processing so many emotions and LOVE trumps them all. Let my tears cleanse the heart and fear from my heart.
So fitting this Lenten Season.
Out of my trauma came life.
Out of my fear, joy.
Out of my illness, a strong little baby.
Love really does conquer.
I am so incredibly blessed. It humbles me to my core.
Oh, baby boy, it is not enough to say Happy Birthday.
Happy Miracle Day to my amazing little guy. As terrifying as our battle was, I would do it again everyday...just for the pleasure of knowing you.