Monday, April 7, 2014


I am a ball of emotion today. For the past three days I have been living in the past. Reliving the harrowing manner in which my baby came into this world. Reliving the lonely and awkward ambulance ride, being transferred to hospital that I did not know with doctors I had never met. The medications that blurred my vision and slurred my speech. The pressuring of doctors to do things their way without listening to me. Oh. .. I need to let go of that experience and focus on the result.

Today my tiny miracle is ONE YEAR OLD. I am celebrating but part of me wants to shut out the world, my husband and kids included. I want to crawl back into bed and spend my day with Opie. I want to rock him and snuggle him. I want to sob. One year ago today it was me and Opie against the world. Oh, how I prayed. Opie and I were fighting for his life like I had never fought before.

My husband was there. People were praying, I know. God was clearly there, though at the time I was beginning to despair and fear the outcome of my labors. There were doctors and nurses, however those medical professionals were not listening to me. It was up to me and Opie. (And God, of course.) Opie and I were in a scary, scary fight and we were alone.

This past year has been exhausting. Once one battle was won, another began. So many nights spent fervently praying for his safety and strength. So much life has been crammed into this year that I honestly do not think that I have had the chance to really process the trauma that preceded Opie's glorious arrival.

This is likely partially why I want to clutch him so close to me and just sob the day away.

I want to celebrate him and his warrior spirit. To shout to everyone that I know. . .this is NOT a normal birthday. This is a MIRACLE! To sob with gratitude for his presence in my life. Even when he wakes me up 4 times a night. I am so thankful. And here I sit. And sob.

One year ago today. I was too scared to cry. Too focused on the battle at hand. Too angry with the medical team that was not fighting with, I am processing so many emotions and LOVE trumps them all. Let my tears cleanse the heart and fear from my heart.

So fitting this Lenten Season.

Out of my trauma came life.

Out of my fear, joy.

Out of my illness, a strong little baby.

Love really does conquer.

I am so incredibly blessed. It humbles me to my core.

Oh, baby boy, it is not enough to say Happy Birthday.

Happy Miracle Day to my amazing little guy. As terrifying as our battle was, I would do it again everyday...just for the pleasure of knowing you.


  1. Becki, what a post....making me cry, too. Oh my gosh, just hug that handsome little boy and cuddle him all night! Happy Miracle Day to you and your sweet Opie! <3
    - Lauren M from cc4rr

  2. I love how you posted the ring photos side by side! Very cool way to compare. Happy Birthday little man!

  3. So sweet! A miracle, indeed!!! I had forgotten how tiny he was! <3

  4. Happy birthday! beautiful love bug!