Me, cry a river.

I could cry all day. Literally. This is only in part due to my pregnancy, mostly it is from humility and happiness.

Evan/Roman arrived home Friday night. The last day and a half have been so filled with laughter, noise, toys and moments that make my heart want to burst. We survived our first Mass as a family of four and Evan was FABULOUS! He put his older brother to shame with how well behaved he was. I struggled to keep from weeping, he is such a gift to me. After Mass we asked the Priest to bless Evan/Roman. The Priest obliged and said that he seemed very content and comfortable for only being home a day and a half. "He must really know that he is loved." I cried. (Yea, I know. . .shocking.)  How I hope so! It is my heart's desire that my children know how loved they are and I will spend my life trying to demonstrate this to them.

Yesterday I was going through the paperwork that accompanied Gavin and Mr Man home. In the packet was the picture from the Dap file. I was moved to tears. It was this photo that had me saying no to this boy.. .. I admit, I judged Evan/Roman, a child so full of love and life by his photo. I along with many others said "no" to this boy based on nothing. Fear? I don't know. . .looking at the picture again I was moved to tears. How close we were to missing out on this lovely addition to our family. How guilty I feel for rejecting this child based on a photo and a feeling. How completely wrong I was. Completely.

When on this train of thought, I cannot stand all the what-ifs that could have applied to Evan/ Roman. He could have spent his life, forever judged by a very bad photo. He could have spent his life waiting to be wanted. . .never experiencing the love of a Mama and a Papa. . and a super bossy brother. The what-ifs spiral from there. This child did not deserve the life he inherited. He deserves so much more.

Having this adorable and worthy boy in my life is important. It has changed my life, my husband's life and my son's as well as Evan's life. It boggles my mind what a path we are all on together now. Having the constant reminder here. . .tangible, I want to shout to people. Adoption IS LIFE for these children AND your family. It is doable, it is necessary and it is flipping awesome. I fear people will discount my message for the tears and mascara trails on my face. . .but seriously people. HOW CAN WE SAY NO? Adoption is life, people, a total blessing.