Thursday, February 27, 2014

Winging it

When my heart is heavy, my blog posts tend to be fluff. It takes me a while to decide to dump my mood on here for public consumption. I have reached that point today. 

O Me! O Life!

Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

I had a conversation with a Professional recently. In describing some of the situations I was struggling with in my life as an adoptive mother, the Professional interrupted me and asked "Is this a long term situation for you? Do you think?"

The question stopped me cold. WHAT THE? Is this person implying what I think they are? How? Why? WHAT? I immediately regretted asking for help. What a joke. 

"If you are asking me if my children will be my children for the duration, um YES! My sons will be my sons forever. I am their Mother. Period." I was very proud of myself for not shouting this answer into the pleasantly blank face staring at me. 

The Professional shifted slightly in their chair then said "Okay." Nervously chuckled and added "Good answer."

This still makes me ridiculously angry. Yes, people struggle with their children. Some might need more help, some children perhaps should not stay with their parents. I understand all of that, but to be one of the first questions to posed to someone asking for advice...well it just seems crappy. Crappy that it happens. Crappy that because I have adopted it is considered an option. 

I may not be the norm. I don't waste my time trying to determine what the norm is. The norm. .. .well it is not where I want to be.  When my husband and I started the adoption process, I told him that from that point, we were essentially pregnant again. We were having a child; a child that would be ours for as long as God allowed. I still feel that way. We labored for Evan and rejoiced when he came home. 

A second later in the conversation, this Professional asked me why I adopted. She was intrigued by my desire to adopt when I was single and why we adopted as a couple when we could clearly have our "own" children. Again. Facepalm. 

I was a little exasperated and a lot off my game by this point in the conversation and my response was terse. "I honestly believe that if you can, YOU SHOULD. Children are dying. Children are suffering. If you can help. YOU SHOULD. It is as simple as that."

I feel that when people hear that we have adopted, they look at us differently. It sets us apart and it should not. I have been very open about adoption in hopes of illustrating the point that if WE can do it, just about anyone can. There is really nothing intrinsically different about us as individuals or as a family that makes us more capable to adopt. That is not the case. To steal from Whitman, life exists and we may contribute a verse. What do we want our verse to be? What contribution can we make to this infinite play? US? We chose to act; to adopt. 

God will not give you wings before you leap. If your feet never leave the Earth, wings would have no use. YOU MUST LEAP. We did not know who we were travelling to adopt and therefore did not know if we had what it took to care for that child. We leapt and GOD is equipping us. Every. Single. Day. 

Jesus' main lesson was love. LOVE. LOVE. Actions speak louder and they should scream love. This is what I want my verse to be. I desperately want it to be a verse of love and that is what I am working toward.

It really can be THAT simple. 

Yea, okay so ignore the voice. I have NO IDEA why I was talking in that way. This conversation started because of  my "Live, Love, Adopt" tshirt. What.Eli said was so beautiful  that I had to bust out my phone and ask him to repeat it. It never comes out as well the second time around. Oh well. The point is clear. 

We have conversations about adoption quite often at the dinner table. It started when Pookie was still in my tummy. I love the natural curiosity of children and I take every chance I can to celebrate the manner in which Evan came to our family. I do not ever want to diminish his losses but I cannot help but rejoice that he is mine. Ours. Forever. 

We were not the best prepared for adoption. I am sure there are families that excel at parenting but I am convinced that Evan loves us anyway. We leapt and God provided the grace, honesty, humility and humor to make it possible.  We are working it out and all the mistakes we make are made with love. We are learning and growing together. As a family. 

Fear is not from God. These little ones are waiting for someone to love enough to leap. To have faith enough to be their family. What better reason to jump? Go get your wings!! 

I’m writing seven posts in seven days this week. To check out other bloggers who are doing the same, see the list here.

1 comment:

  1. I never felt different as a child for living in an adoptive family, but I think that's because we ran in a pretty well-established circle of adoptees and foster families. I totally hear what you mean about the questions from people.