Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Day 2: Chow Time!

We just put in an offer on a new house. I don't normally do "new." New is expensive and I have never been able to afford much more than not -quite- vintage. I have been a proud purveyor of jaloppy. "New" makes me nervous. My mind spins with the possibilities that could occur in this new house.

I will garden in a nice hat and pristine gloves instead of my pajamas and bed head.

My kids will ride their bikes down the perfect sidewalks wearing their helmets....and pants. They will not be trying to crash into each other while screaming their heads off. I will not be screeching after them like a mad woman, in my robe. I will not.

I will be able to enjoy a cup of coffee while the boys play quietly in their room.

My garage will be used to house our cars, not boxes of year books, baby clothing and random paystubs from 1997 and beyond.

And I will throw dinner parties. Perfectly refined, nuanced and cultured dinner parties. It is going to rock. My husband interrupted what I thought was a personal day dream session with "oh yea? Who you gonna invite to these dinner parties?"

Hmmm....who would I invite? Well, I tossed out some names to Hubby so I could return to my day dreaming....

Just who would I invite?

Now really, every living person asked this question throws the same answers out. They are perfectly fine answers but for the sake of all of us, I am not allowing myself to invite them. This includes:

 Jesus (puhlease, like He wont be there anyways. He loves my sense of humor.)
Mother Teresa- though I would love to meet her.
Einstein- sorry I think he would be an absolute buzz kill.
Mandela- I don't deny his wow factor.
Honest Abe/George Washington- I think either one of them would make my dining room look little. Not willing to risk it.
Ghandi-this one is a hard one to take off the list of possibilities since I think he would appreciate any meal I served.

You all know the obvious answers...I will not continue to list 'em OR invite any of them.

There is room at the table for 5 guests. I can squeeze one more in if this CRAZY is something you would like to be a part of. I think any other day this group might look a little different but today, well I am in the mood for a partay.

1. Jim Gaffigan.

What is not to love about this man? A nice Catholic Family man that knows how to tell a joke....and makes me look tan. I feel like if I need to serve HotPockets, we would at least be accompanied by a nice little ditty. Inviting him is a total no-brainer.

2. Beryl Markham  West with the Night! I secretly hope that just by inviting her, some of her cool will rub off on me (and maybe some of her writing skill....)
Oh, what a kick ass Kenyan woman. Aviator, adventurer, all around AWESOME. Something about women from her generation...well it would just class up the whole affair. I highly reccommend her book! 

3. Mr Wonderful.
See, I have to invite Mr Wonderful because I think he expects me to. Who wouldn't invite Mr. Wonderful? He so brazenly assumes people want him around, it galls me. GALLS ME. So I guess I will invite him but I may just invite him and make him sit at the table while we all eat, drink and laugh with Jim Gaffigan. I have no plans to offer him food or drink. I may offer his shin a kick or two under the table. Accidentally, of course. He can chat with my husband; who adores him and basically wants to be him (GAG) and he can drink water. From our tap. Maybe I will not feed my husband either. Perhaps then he will choose a new mentor/hero. I am hoping he brings wine. It IS only polite...right?

4. Sarah Palin. Political chit chat would not be allowed at the dinner table.  I am not sure if she really does shoot at things with her finger-guns but Tina Fey makes me want her too. So badly.
"Oh My Becki, well if this just isn't the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I have ever had!" Shoot shoot. .How is it that my sound effects are somehow even worse this way? "PB&J back on the menu and better than ever." More shooting, clicking noises and winking. Too precious. (In the background Jim Gaffigan may or may not be rocking in his chair humming "Hot Poooccckkkets.") Palin balances out Mr. Wonderful as I think Hubby would not appreciate this invite too much.

***So, little side bar action here. Did I fail to mention that my cooking ability or lack thereof was somehow left out of this little daydream of mine? Hmm. Bygones. We will make up for that teenie omission with wine....courtesy of Mr. Wonderful.****

5. This guy.

Not this guy.
I refuse to believe that they are even the same person. Cant. be. The first guy is invited. Mmmm. Pretty.

I would have invited Tom Hanks, but he is still not speaking to me. . . I think he is still a little angry about THIS. Maybe I should invite his lawyer? Perhaps another time.

And when the guests have all gone home I will get to spend the rest of the evening snuggling with this guy and a bowl of ice cream.

Sounds pretty awesome, right?


  1. I'm not invited?! Rude!

    Cute post! I love Jim and Sarah.

    1. You are always invited! If I don't run out of peanut butter....but don't even think about sitting next to Keanu. That seat is spoken for....

    2. I wouldn't. He's gross. :p I'll brings dish. Potluck!

  2. Too funny! I couldn't invite Keanu--my husband is jealous of him because I said he was cute in a movie once. Sheesh. It wouldn't have occured to me to invite the others, now I'm boring! :) (And for the record, new house or not--your kids will still find a way to get outta the house without their pants.)

    1. Time has not been kind to that beautiful man!
      I know it will take a week for me to accept lower expectations. I think the backyard may end up as pants optional....for the kids ....and only for the kids. YES, I am talking to you Hubby....

  3. Sarah Palin would be a great guest, me and Mr Wonderful could spend the time ripping on her dumb ass.

    1. Um...Anonymous are you my hubby or the only other living fan of Mr Wonderful?