I will garden in a nice hat and pristine gloves instead of my pajamas and bed head.
My kids will ride their bikes down the perfect sidewalks wearing their helmets....and pants. They will not be trying to crash into each other while screaming their heads off. I will not be screeching after them like a mad woman, in my robe. I will not.
I will be able to enjoy a cup of coffee while the boys play quietly in their room.
My garage will be used to house our cars, not boxes of year books, baby clothing and random paystubs from 1997 and beyond.
And I will throw dinner parties. Perfectly refined, nuanced and cultured dinner parties. It is going to rock. My husband interrupted what I thought was a personal day dream session with "oh yea? Who you gonna invite to these dinner parties?"
Hmmm....who would I invite? Well, I tossed out some names to Hubby so I could return to my day dreaming....
Just who would I invite?
Now really, every living person asked this question throws the same answers out. They are perfectly fine answers but for the sake of all of us, I am not allowing myself to invite them. This includes:
Jesus (puhlease, like He wont be there anyways. He loves my sense of humor.)
Mother Teresa- though I would love to meet her.
Einstein- sorry I think he would be an absolute buzz kill.
Mandela- I don't deny his wow factor.
Honest Abe/George Washington- I think either one of them would make my dining room look little. Not willing to risk it.
Ghandi-this one is a hard one to take off the list of possibilities since I think he would appreciate any meal I served.
You all know the obvious answers...I will not continue to list 'em OR invite any of them.
There is room at the table for 5 guests. I can squeeze one more in if this CRAZY is something you would like to be a part of. I think any other day this group might look a little different but today, well I am in the mood for a partay.
1. Jim Gaffigan.
2. Beryl Markham West with the Night! I secretly hope that just by inviting her, some of her cool will rub off on me (and maybe some of her writing skill....)
I highly reccommend her book!
3. Mr Wonderful.
GAG) and he can drink water. From our tap. Maybe I will not feed my husband either. Perhaps then he will choose a new mentor/hero. I am hoping he brings wine. It IS only polite...right?
4. Sarah Palin. Political chit chat would not be allowed at the dinner table. I am not sure if she really does shoot at things with her finger-guns but Tina Fey makes me want her too. So badly.
How is it that my sound effects are somehow even worse this way? "PB&J back on the menu and better than ever." More shooting, clicking noises and winking. Too precious. (In the background Jim Gaffigan may or may not be rocking in his chair humming "Hot Poooccckkkets.") Palin balances out Mr. Wonderful as I think Hubby would not appreciate this invite too much.
***So, little side bar action here. Did I fail to mention that my cooking ability or lack thereof was somehow left out of this little daydream of mine? Hmm. Bygones. We will make up for that teenie omission with wine....courtesy of Mr. Wonderful.****
5. This guy.
Not this guy.
I would have invited Tom Hanks, but he is still not speaking to me. . . I think he is still a little angry about THIS. Maybe I should invite his lawyer? Perhaps another time.
And when the guests have all gone home I will get to spend the rest of the evening snuggling with this guy and a bowl of ice cream.
Sounds pretty awesome, right?