When I was high

I have attempted to get my thoughts down several times and eloquence is just out the window. I mentally wrote this post several times whilst high and dingy on meds and it was at least humorous....without the meds I really cannot guarantee much.

Oh So Pregnant.

On Saturday I was huge. Pregnant and miserable. Huge. I found myself sitting in the hospital debating whether or not to get checked out. I feared something was amiss and I feared in equal parts that I was simply a hypochondriac about to rack up an insane medical bill for a little peace of mind. When I got up from my indecisive perch, I was heading home. . .and instead my feet led me to the front desk to get checked out.

2 hours later I was in an ambulance headed to a different hospital. A hospital equipped to handle the tiny baby that I was likely to have soon. It did not matter that we were supposed to go buy our mini van that day. That I was not due for 2 more months. That we were not ready at all. . .that baby was not ready. I was shuttling to an outcome that no one was not prepared for in the least.

And then I was high. My vision was scrambled, my mind was in shambles and I was about to meet my new son for the first time.

The whole experience was more than traumatic and I think that I will be working through it for quite some time. My baby boy is tinier than I could have imagined but he is so strong and is showing the world just what he can do and I am blown away by him. He does not seem to be bothered by the change in his plans. He is rising to the occasion and making the best of things. He is showing his Mama up in every way possible.

Looking back I am ashamed at myself. Oh I spent so much time moaning about how miserable I was pregnant. Trust me.. .I was MISERABLE! So very sick. Do not get me started....

I abhorred the sight of my swollen face, avoided pictures and was an all around pain in the butt about it all.

Shame on me. My dear boy was safe and snug in my super sized hotel. If only I could have focused on that a little more and focused on my own discomfort a little less. The outcome may not have changed a bit, but I recognize what an honor it is to care for such a little warrior in such an important way. There are no do-overs as much as I might beg for one.

My first chance holding Baby O. Bliss.

I love you, little man. Thank you for showing me what true strength is. I look forward to watching your amazing progress, I have so much to learn from you!

How is it that such an ordinary pain in the butt like myself can be so blessed with such incredible children? Please dear God, do NOT let me screw them up. They are awesome.