Saturday, July 5, 2014

Blown away

The past few days have blown me away.

See, I am a believer until things start to look impossible. Then fear creeps in and my mustard seed-sized faith takes a beating. There is always hope and I cling to it, but if my feeble hand is involved, I bear the blame and the failure if things do not pan out the way I hope.

I have committed myself to getting Brett home. In the beginning I had hoped that home would be mine. Every time he got passed over, I had this inkling of hope that it was because God intended him for my home. My son.

I would be the blessed woman given the gift of this sweet boy. The mama that would get to comfort him and kiss him. Chase the monsters away. Celebrate his victories and rejoice when he realized his potential and worth. To see his face light up as Evan's does when he realizes the power of "Mama, God LOVES me!"

As I experienced with my own adoption journey. God knew the perfect child for our family. Yes, we thought we knew. Yes, we loved Pasha and longed for him to be ours. Yes, I still mourn this loss and the loss of others I thought would be mine but it is tempered by the wonderful son that is sitting here practicing his letters. I know in my heart that God has had HIS hand covering my family for a while now.

We have been tried. We have suffered. We have struggled and yet God has taken care of us. I have tried to control things and God has gently shown my HIS control. Love. Always with love.

And yet. . .I let doubt creep in.

When my Frozen fundraiser didn't instantly yield the 6k needed for Brett's freedom, doubt crept in. So I shouted louder. Let my control freak flag wave....

When weeks passed and his grant was barely moving, despair and doubt met and started having a party in my brain. But I waved my control freak flag harder.. . .desperate to do this.

This week, they took that party to my heart.

That's when God had enough.

He showed me that HE is in control and HE wants Brett in a family. It is not my family but a wonderful family is planned for him. My heart takes comfort in the fact that HE loves Brett even more than I do. HE knows his worth and just how precious he is. I cannot do anything. God CAN.

HIS plan is more amazing than anything I could have concocted!

We all have a part to play in this miracle. God is counting on us to have faith. To do our part. To be HIS hands and his feet. To bring his love and joy to all that we meet. Even if it hurts. Even if doubt and despair want to have a party in your head.

Several people are rallying around Brett, to get his grant up to 14k.

People are shouting and sharing.

Many have blogged. Read what they have to say!

"I Know This Boy"
"Sweet Brett"
"Brett's Chance"

Many have donated.

Many are praying.

This is God's way. Many hands make light the work. We are a community.

Everyone can do something. Let's continue the work for someone that cannot advocate for himself!


I am still shouting. Today it is not out of desperation and fear. It is with joy. I am watching a miracle unfold. It is my joy to do my part.

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