A Little Lemonade: Overdue

Yes, for all of you that have feared the worst. I DID fall off the face of the planet. Only with the help of medical professionals and OODLES of love and support from friends am I sitting up on the couch right now. Oh, so melodramatic. I am pregnant. Plain and simple. And I suck at it. I am a walking (only when I have to) vomiting (all the time) billboard warning people away from pregnancy later in life. Seriously. . .if you are married. ..have babies when you are in your 20s. ...
So, those of you following our adoption journey. I totally left you in the dark, I am so sorry. Here is the scoop. We lost Pasha to a domestic adoption a few weeks before we were to leave to get him. We struggled with the decision to continue. . .especially when we discovered I was pregnant. We traveled to Eastern Europe with a Plan A, Plan B and a Plan C.... Plan A had Gavin's heart. A lovely little girl with a condition that made me a little nervous. I said we would adopt her if she could speak. We were told that she did not speak and that her condition was FAR more severe than we would be prepared for. With heartbreak and tears we moved on to plan B, acutely feeling our failure of this little girl. No luck. Plan C. .. a little boy that I thought was too cute for words. What do you know, I didn't amend the home study correctly. SO, my own limitations and oversight blew all of our "plans" out of the water. I felt so low and like the biggest failure ever. My son, my husband and I sitting in our DAP appointment completely lost. I was ready to admit defeat and come home. Then they pulled a file for a little boy. I immediately dismissed him. .. judged a book by it's cover photo. He was the ONLY child that met our requirements and I was simply ready to dismiss him. God bless Serge. He took us across the street, talked me down a little bit and got us a new picture of the boy. We agreed to go and meet this child though I was sure it would still never work, too busy beating myself up for my failures to look to the future.

We met this little boy and it was love. Immediately. God pulled a miracle out of the MESS that I had made. . .We have proudly welcomed Evan into our family. He is officially ours and he will likely lament this day in the future, wishing he would have been adopted by Angelina Jolie instead. ..or Martha Stewart, but he got US! And we love him to bits already.
That little boy that our home study did not fit? He was adopted by the family that had their DAP appointment right after ours. Again, GOD is SO GOOD! Now we need to find a home for PLAN A!

My husband is overseas right now wrapping up the paperwork needed to bring Evan home. God bless my husband for stepping up to finish this process when my Belly Bean decided to render me useless.

Here is his moving post from Gotcha day:

Ok, so as I lie here (on the cold hard floor thanks to our apartment only having a couch) listening to the little snores of Evan, I can reflect on what has truly been a bizarre rollercoaster of a day. It started with a scenic tour of Donetsk followed by some other neighbouring town as we tried to locate the bank that held Evan's bank account. Eventually we found it and I was handed 12k hyrvnia, thanks very much. We then headed to the orphanage to pick the little fella up once and for all. We turned up, gave "Direktor" the hyrvnia and them he took us to an office to finalize the paperwork before jokingly insisting we wait for Evan to have his lunch there as i was probably going to feed him crisps and beer. Who knew he had such a sense of humour and in fairness he was half right haha.

I was expecting his groupa to put on a big send off for him with his caregivers getting emotional, probably me getting emotional but no, I sat and waited in the play area and eventually he toddled out with a caregiver I'd never met before. He let out his trademark "hooooooor" (it's like a big intake of air when he gets excited) and ran over and have me a big hug. He then thought it was play time (like every other visit in that room) and jumped in one of the cars. I scooped him up and we left, no big fare wells, no nothing. He quieted down in the car and watched the town go by as we headed to the apartment but once there he quickly discovered the toys Becki had lovingly packed and he turned the TV off and on and off and on for about an hour until it was nap time.

Using the trusty Russian phrase page I have I told him it was bed time and made up a bed on the couch, this triggered a melt down of heart breaking proportions. I think it was the point where the penny dropped for him because he ran to the front door wailing something in Russian over and over again. I scooped him up and cuddled him, I let him be for a bit, I tried the TV again, more cuddles, the iPad, music, more cuddles, nothing worked. It became so frustrating that I could do nothing for this little ball of wailing, tears, dribble and snot. After about an hour of this he did start to turn the TV off and on again although still whimpering this same Russian phrase over and over. After about another 30 minutes he had stopped. 10 minutes later we were dancing and playing hide and seek.

I took him for a walk in the drizzle, picked up some cookies and crisps (see "Direktor" was right) at the store and brought him back again, half expecting our return to trigger the tears again. He strolled in, shut the door and began to play again. Dinner and bath time went uneventfully but when it came time for bed he teared up again but he went to sleep, keeping one eye on me, so "hopefully" he may be coming to terms with being stuck with me. Should be wrapping up things here tomorrow and then a night train to Kiev, I'm hoping that will be an enjoyable adventure for him and less of a reminder of him not being with his little friends, in familiar surroundings. Humbling, anticlimactic, frustrating, sad, not really what I was expecting from today but there were some smiles and some laughter too so it's not all been bad. Let's see what tomorrow brings and hopefully I get some sleep on the cozy, comfortable floor.