Mourning this Good Friday

Well, this post is a day early, but I was just moved by the discovery that this GOOD FRIDAY is 3 months to the day that we lost Beckett. I have always struggled through Good Friday to begin with. I always feel like I am mourning a friend on that day and now I will be mourning my friend and my son. Kind of. Praying tonight I couldn't help but thank GOD for giving Beckett a much grander home than I ever could have.  So thankful for his eternal joy. Even though I know I am pretty darn awesome at being a Mom, he is undoubtedly happier than he ever would have been if he had to suffer through my cooking. .. .
I went to Beckett's grave yesterday. His head stone FINALLY arrived. Yup, for whatever reason it took THAT long to be placed. I am relieved. I hated going there and seeing the misplaced grass starting to settle over him with nothing to show who was resting there. It just felt undone. Forgotten.
So, we took a family trip there to see his marker. ...

Eli loves road trips!! Can't you tell?

 and it was UPSIDE down.

How appropriate is that? Everything about Beckett turned my life upside down, so really,  it is fitting that his headstone is as well. Oh Beckett, thank you for opening my eyes and my heart in a million different ways. Thank you for things my tears will not allow me to express right now. Only God can turn death into life. Sorrow into joy. This Easter is SO NEEDED. My heart is ready for a resurrection. I want to turn the loss of you into something more beautiful than I am able to. Your presence was overwhelmingly perfect and joyous.. . and I want that to somehow manifest itself again.

Someday it will face the right way and look like this. . .

So I have obviously spent a bit of time thinking about Beckett. About those awful days. And loss. And family. And the meaning of life. .. . you know, light-hearted topics. I have so many memories of those two days; but they are like snapshots in my head. I remember how it felt to hold him in my hand. How incredibly tiny he was. I remember feeling such heart-rending grief but also felt a peaceful amazement at his perfection. I remember staring into that hole in the ground thinking that it was so big and so symbolic of how I was feeling. Just a gaping huge hole. In my heart. In my family. In my dreams. HUGE.  It was such a big hole for such a little body. I remember feeling physical pain as they placed him into that hole. Nothing in life can really ever prepare you for that moment. There are no words.

I cannot say that I am over the loss of Beckett. I am not sure a parent ever "gets over" something like that. I am blessed that God has filled some of that gaping hole with love for the extraordinary children on Reece's Rainbow. So much love and so much purpose. Only God could cover that pain with love. Only God. Only God will take my meager efforts and use them for good. I often feel that my little attempts to help are so small and the need is so great. . .but God can work wonders with so little!

I see the children being claimed on Reece's Rainbow and it brings me such joy and such hope. I have unlimited admiration for the families stepping forward for these children. It is a beautiful thing! God is using their love to turn death into life. Despair into hope. Rejection into acceptance. In a word- Resurrection. So miraculous!

What better thought to leave you with heading into this Easter Weekend.

Happy Easter!

When I was high

I have attempted to get my thoughts down several times and eloquence is just out the window. I mentally wrote this post several times whilst high and dingy on meds and it was at least humorous....without the meds I really cannot guarantee much.

Oh So Pregnant.

On Saturday I was huge. Pregnant and miserable. Huge. I found myself sitting in the hospital debating whether or not to get checked out. I feared something was amiss and I feared in equal parts that I was simply a hypochondriac about to rack up an insane medical bill for a little peace of mind. When I got up from my indecisive perch, I was heading home. . .and instead my feet led me to the front desk to get checked out.

2 hours later I was in an ambulance headed to a different hospital. A hospital equipped to handle the tiny baby that I was likely to have soon. It did not matter that we were supposed to go buy our mini van that day. That I was not due for 2 more months. That we were not ready at all. . .that baby was not ready. I was shuttling to an outcome that no one was not prepared for in the least.

And then I was high. My vision was scrambled, my mind was in shambles and I was about to meet my new son for the first time.

The whole experience was more than traumatic and I think that I will be working through it for quite some time. My baby boy is tinier than I could have imagined but he is so strong and is showing the world just what he can do and I am blown away by him. He does not seem to be bothered by the change in his plans. He is rising to the occasion and making the best of things. He is showing his Mama up in every way possible.

Looking back I am ashamed at myself. Oh I spent so much time moaning about how miserable I was pregnant. Trust me.. .I was MISERABLE! So very sick. Do not get me started....

I abhorred the sight of my swollen face, avoided pictures and was an all around pain in the butt about it all.

Shame on me. My dear boy was safe and snug in my super sized hotel. If only I could have focused on that a little more and focused on my own discomfort a little less. The outcome may not have changed a bit, but I recognize what an honor it is to care for such a little warrior in such an important way. There are no do-overs as much as I might beg for one.

My first chance holding Baby O. Bliss.

I love you, little man. Thank you for showing me what true strength is. I look forward to watching your amazing progress, I have so much to learn from you!

How is it that such an ordinary pain in the butt like myself can be so blessed with such incredible children? Please dear God, do NOT let me screw them up. They are awesome.

Oh my God

I am not taking HIS name in vain, I assure you. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. The unknowns are many; the paperwork is vast. You must find some perverse pleasure in jumping through hoops. Or maybe all you really need is love. And faith. Faith is truly helpful.

Not only are you opening your heart and home to a child for the rest of your life, you are opening your life to the public. .. opening yourself up for scrutiny. Hoping that people will join you on the journey, to pray and support you. For the most part, this has been the case. People, you have been AWESOME! There are however, people lurking in the shadows and that live to tear down. Sad.

Pasha.. . I KNOW you are worth all of it and more. Every child needs someone to stand up for them. Every. Single. Child.

Receiving rude, demeaning, ill founded messages from people that hide in their anonymity. ..it is this generations version of bullying. Sticks and stones. Sticks and Stones. When I was growing up, if you were going to be awful to someone, you had to own up to it. . man up and do it face to face. This version, well it is just sad. It saddens me and it prompts me pray for those poor souls that feel the need to be mean and then to hide. The internet makes it so  much easier for sad and angry people to lash out. A side effect of the ease, convenience and accessibility that the internet provides, I guess.
Someone recently claimed that bad things WOULD happen BECAUSE God is good. Hmmm.
The God that I know is kind and loving. For Pete's sake HE sent his ONLY SON for me to suffer unspeakable pain. Little old me. That alone tells me that GOD is here. With me. Loving me. Regardless of my failings and my insecurities. Even when someone tells me that HE doesn't love me. I know. My God loves me.

What must life be like for someone that believes that God is capable of orchestrating hurtful and painful scenarios. .. not for any good. The world must be very scary, empty and unsettling. I am again asking for prayers. Please continue to keep my family and Pasha in your prayers, but please include a plea for people that are hurting and are trying to spread that hurt around. God can heal.

Oh, my God. HE is good ALL THE TIME. He wants all things that are good for us. I will not be afraid. I will not dwell on the unknowns, I will trust in God because HE IS SO GOOD! I will not hide. I will not retaliate. I will stand strong. Because God allows me to.

My name is Becki and I endorse this message.

One Less-Fatherless Friday

Today is a joyful day. So joyful that I could not sleep, hmmm will 5 hours be enough to get me through the day? My eyes feel sandy, you know the feeling. But I am finding SO much joy in my purpose. Finally being able to share more about the sweet little boy that stole our hearts and will hopefully soon be stealing his big brother's toys!
Paper pregnant. What an awesome reality. A little one on the way, no morning sickness, afternoon sickness or evening sickness! No swollen ankles, maternity clothes, and no waddling! LOVE THIS! My body seems to know what is going on though and my emotions are overactive! My Husband summed it up yesterday when he described me as this: "Turkey brain, angry. Turkey brain, sad. Turkey brain, angry." Turkey brain is a term of endearment when I am being funny (often at his expense) and he is unable to come up with a witty response. (Who is the real turkey brain, eh?) I am scared, excited, joyful, teary, committed and eager. Did I mention scared?
I know I have said it numerous times but yes, I am scared. Shaking in my boots, scared. I have stepped forward before. I paid quite a price and am still paying. I guess I will say I am "twice shy" and leave it at that. I really must work on leaving the trauma in the past and look to the future with hope and confidence. I will work on that!

So, to answer the general questions:

Q: Why?
A: Look at this boy! How could I resist?

Q: When?

A: Well I saw his face on May 16th and on May 19th we were committed to this child on RR. It is estimated that adoptions from this region take 7 months so we are really working to get him home before the end of the year. Please pray with us that this happens!

Q: How?

A: Perhaps I should answer this one when the adoption is complete. I am unsure how. . by God's grace alone. And my thrift savings plans. And hopefully some donations by some wonderfully kindhearted people? (pretty please?) 

Okay, I am going back to the why question. It all boils down to who it is that I want to be. How I want to live. The world I want to leave for my children. How I want to answer God if/when I get to heaven. Just because I cannot save them all does not mean that I should not bend over backward to save at least one from a life in an institution. My brief time in India with the Missionaries of Charity will stay with me forever. I often hear Mother Teresa in my head. . .her quiet, powerful call to love the unloved. The example that she lived every. single. day. I promised myself that I WOULD be the change that I wanted to see in the world. I WOULD scream about justice especially for innocent victims. I WOULD put my money where my mouth is. .. not that I have much money, but I will walk the walk. I WILL open my arms and heart and home to a precious child because it is simply the right thing to do. Now, I am not saying that everyone should adopt. No. I am really talking about me right now. Not everyone should adopt. Not everyone should have bio kids. Not everyone should have pets. Not everyone should be allowed to operate a motor vehicle (I see these people almost every day. grrrrr.) Everyone has their own path and journey and I respect that (unless your "journey" involves driving like everyone is in a bumper car. Okay, I respect your journey, just stay off the road!) I do find it difficult to understand the person that can see a sweet face and NOT want to provide for that child, knowing the dire situation they are in. That is beside the point and perhaps my failure. It is far too easy to get caught up in the "American Dream." Laziness. Extravagance. Entitlement. In reality the "american dream" is not such a pretty picture. I am learning that sacrifice leads to happiness far more than selfishness does. So....

I am working for one less!

There is one less day now that Pasha will be without a family. 

One less day spent in a crib. 

One less day in a diaper that is not changed but once a day.

One less day spent entirely indoors. 

One less day without tickles on his belly. 

One less day.

Every form I complete. . .. well it is one less form standing between me and my son. One less! Paperwork has never been this exciting! It is not everyday that a person  gets to make such a statement about who they are and what they believe in. Pasha is giving me a chance to live out what I believe in the most AWESOME way . ..every day of my life for the rest of my life. And I will get snuggles in return! How kick ass is that?

One less child waiting in a dark, cold, hungry place! I wish more people would see the joy and possibility and join me in my quest for ONE LESS!

Seriously, how can anyone resist these sweet children? Maybe I need to rewrite this to say Two less?? 

Where the boys are

Not too many years ago I was boy crazy. Too put it lightly. I was the biggest flirt, well maybe second biggest flirt. Looking back, it is a little embarrassing in a harmless sort of way. Where the boys were. . .that's where I wanted to be.

Oh how times have changed. . .going out on a Friday night. Hmm. I can remember doing that, but I cannot fathom where the energy came from. The amount of time spent getting ready prior to departure, another embarrassing admission. My sister and I could spend hours, and I mean hours getting ready for a night out. .. and really it wasn't about makeup or hair. We would literally have fashion shows in our living room. It was part of the process.  The most outlandish outfit almost always won. . .it was all about fun, no uber revealing or inappropriate outfits, all in good fun. We had theme nights as well. . . .hat night, pajama night (I met my husband on pajama night), wacky sunglass night, Friday the 13th goth night, movie quote night where we would try to converse in movie quotes. . .. too many to list.

Okay, yes that is a fishnet shirt. I don't have any idea where I found it or why I wore it. I do remember that it was insanely uncomfortable. .. but this picture always makes me chuckle. On this memorable night, I had a dance off with a very large Samoan bouncer to the "Tootsie Roll." Random. I think it was a tie . . ..really. Maybe he took pity on me and my tortured outfit. I really must clarify that this was taken several years ago. Several. . .eons really, as evidenced by the bangs. Looking goooood.

I do miss the antics of a good night out with my sister and friends. Sheer craziness always ensued when I was lucky enough to go out with my sister.

Again. .. oh, how times have changed. Friday nights now. . .I am still boy crazy but for my boys. My precious boys. I am so proprietary! Boys that don't care if my hair is out of place or if my outfit is fashionable. . (yoga pants are always fashionable. .. right?) Boys that love me just the way I am. (Yes, sweetie, I am talking about you too.  I know you love my yoga pants to pieces, don't bother denying it.) Tucking Eli into his big boy bed tonight, he made my night by saying, "good night my best friend, Mama." I know these moments won't last, but my heart was overwhelmed by the cuteness of my little guy.

My life is infinitely richer due to the love and lessons I have received courtesy of Eli and Husband.

If you are half as boy crazy as I am, then you really must take a look at these adorable boys. . .all are up for grabs. Enrich your life by making one of these yours!! You will never regret it!

Thad

Date of Birth: May 2007
Gender: Male
Eyes: Gray
Hair: blond
Nature: Quiet

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

Elias
Boy, born  December 2007

Eyes: Gray
Hair: brown
Character: calm

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

So happy to have a new pic of Elias! He’s still in pink though!

Vaughn
Boy, born December 2007
He does have siblings
Brown eyes
Nature calm

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

Alan
Date of birth: November 2009
Gender: Male
Eyes: Blue
Hair: blond
Nature: Quiet

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

More pictures available.

Brighton

Boy was born in April 2007

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

Curtis

d2ct, 3G

Boy, Born April 2007

Diagnosis: Down syndrome

Curtis is a darling little boy with brown hair and brown eyes.  He is described as a very smart boy, healthy and strong.  So glad to have a new smiley picture of him!

$2075.00 is available towards the cost of my adoption!

Okay, truth be told, I am still totally boy crazy, and though I miss the crazy fun with my sister, these boys are too cute to turn down. . .. 

Maybe

Maybe- one of the most hopeful words I have heard in a long time. Maybe- a word that often gets overlooked; under utilized and misused in this household. A word I didn't realize I was longing to hear until I heard it yesterday.

Prior to yesterday, I really didn't love the word maybe. It was often used to put things off or to dismiss them altogether. It was an easy way to stop a conversation in it's tracks.

Yesterday maybe was said in earnest. With thought, with fear and hand wringing. With wide eyed honesty. My heart rate increased. My mind went into warp speed and I was filled with hope and possibility and trepidation. I nearly cried. Okay, I cried, but just a little bit.

In the past I have been a "yes" woman. I always sang my loudest in church when "Here I am" was played. "I will go Lord. .." But I have gone and I have struggled and I have been tested.

The past few years I have spent far too much time nursing my wounds and slowly crawling back to myself and to faith. Any progress is good progress in my book, and I am coming to terms with the journey that I am on and where that road has led me in the past. I wish I could see the reasons in God's great plan for the things that have occurred, but today I am still reveling in the power and the hope of tomorrow. Dreaming of where life will take us and eager to begin. . .

Blown away by the power of a maybe.

Things I never needed before. . ..

Before what?
Well, before I said "I Do" to something I couldn't have been less prepared for. Before I realized that saying "i do" would mean saying "i can't" to so many of my own wants and needs. Before my body turned into a separate entity while I was pregnant and has yet to return to something I recognize as my own. Before I opted to leave the security of my job to create a more secure upbringing for my mini me. . . .

As a not so young single woman (I married later than most) I never opened a romance book. Never. Blah. . .who needed it? Not me! Men, though a source of entertainment and free beers were not a source of romance for me. I never truly bought into the Disney fairytale scenario (which should have better prepared me for married life but really hasn't helped.) I was living a romance story all my own. . living my love of this planet. ..traveling all over and meeting fabulous people. I did not need to read about anyone's happily ever after. . .my life was it. I didn't feel like sharing it with anyone, no matter how special they were. haha. Honesty rocks. So why do I need romance now?? I miss the silly banter. . .the flirting. The butterflies you get when you know that someone is really interested in you. . .in reality life is no longer about flirting or even communicating about feelings. .. my conversations revolve around what I am making for dinner (ugh) how our finances are going, how many times Eli pooped today. .. the health of the dog. ..you know. Super riveting, stimulating and rewarding conversations. Enter Romance Novels. . .THANK YOU! (if my older sister reads this, I will totally deny, deny, deny. I teased her for far too many years about her love of romance novels.)

Chocolate cake. Decadent chocolate cake. . .Don't get me wrong. I have always been a sugar fiend, but not as an escape or a reward, I ate goodies as just part of my daily life. I have discovered the most decadent, sinfully rich and delicious chocolate cake just a 10 minute walk from my house. They serve perfect white wine at the same establishment. It is now my reward for sticking to my budget or for zipping up my pie-hole when I want to pick on my husband. . . .This doesn't happen as often as it should, so it is really a big treat when I walk in and sit down. "No, I don't need a menu, I know what I would like. .. and extra whipped cream, please"  I seriously want to rent a booth from them and move in. And stay forever. After a certain point, I will likely not be able to leave the booth on my own accord, and I might be okay with that.

Sexy shoes. . . .I loved rocking sexy shoes before. . .yes I did. I had more than one pair. Being pregnant. . .well my balance just wasn't conducive to sexy shoes. After pregnancy, it seems that my feet spread to hobbit-like proportions to handle all the excess baby weight. . .oh so lovely. My body is still not a friend to me .. . .Anywho, I gave up the idea of sexy shoes until 3 weeks ago. Until I saw them.  Sadly I really don't go anywhere worthy of said shoes. But I saw the MOTHER of all sexy shoes and I simply had to have them. AND THEY WERE ON CLEARANCE! Meant to be mine!  I needed the reminder of my before. . .. and low and behold, these shoes have magical powers. They were able to fit my Froto feet. . ..and still looked awesome! I was able to wear them without falling. .. without crippling pain and I almost felt like the before- Becki!

C'mon,isn't that one pretty shoe? I am in love...

I cannot really pinpoint how this all came about, life has been a whirlwind recently, but what I do know is this:

My bliss right now would be strapping on my super sexy shoes for no reason at all (maybe even if I a still wearing my yoga pants), grab myself a glass of wine and a LARGE slice of that dreamy chocolate cake, pick up a silly, sappy romance novel and get lost in it. Oh man! I think I know how I want to spend the rest of my day. .. well at least until Eli wakes up from his nap! I don't care if I never needed any of these things before, I am so happy that these three things have the ability to make me smile! When life gives you lemons. . .eat chocolate cake!


(I feel like this blog needs a disclaimer. Bummer. I love my husband. I do. See? I said it again . .   and I would still say "I do" but maybe not with the silly grin on my face that I had the first time.)

What I love about being me!

This will be quick as my kiddo decided breakfast was optional today. I normally collect my thoughts over a nice hot cup of coffee, while Eli smears his food all over his hair, face, chair and anything within reach. Hahah, honestly he isn't doing that today, he has just decided that half a banana and 2 raisins is more than enough for his breakfast. Arguing is futile.

So, I have had just such a moving Triduum and Easter weekend. So many graces, inspirations and revelations this weekend. Blessed time with family. LUCKY ME!

The one that is resonating SO loudly with me today is this: being Becki and being Catholic is more than a trip to church on Sunday. It means that when I see something wrong. When I KNOW that Jesus would have me act on something, I am CALLED TO ACT. It doesn't cross my mind that people may think that I have gone off the deep end. I don't identify with people that believe it is just too hard or too sad to do the right thing. Fear does  not register. IT IS WRONG.

There are children being horribly mistreated. Living horrifically deprived lives. Dying preventable and awful deaths. CHILDREN. BABIES. Who can look the other way? Who would CHOOSE to? NOT ME.

I am going to repeatedly quote these Bible verses. .. . maybe until they sink in for someone else. Until I can quote them from memory.  All it takes is ONE person to make a difference. . .

Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, "Give them up!" and to the south, "Do not hold them back." Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth  (Isaiah 43:5-6)

You are the helpers of the fatherless.  (Psalm 10:14)

It is not the will of your Father that one of these little ones should perish. (Matthew 18:14)

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress. (James 1:27)

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves…defend the rights of the needy. (Proverbs 31:8,9)


I have heard from more than one person that life should be fun. .. .about the pursuit of "fun." Really? I hope for a much richer life experience. I believe that if you are living as Jesus would have you live, there will be joy. An abundance of it. A reduction of fear. An outpouring of love. I would take that over fun ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!  I have on occassion, experienced this joy and freedom. It is well worth the effort!

I proudly state that I am Catholic. I hope my actions speak even louder. I work to make that the case. "Let them know we are Christians by our LOVE."  The Scriptures above do not say "take care of the needy if you feel like it." "if you have a big enough retirement account." "After you have purchased the house/car/vacation of your dreams" These are instructions, period, and I for one will continue to follow. I will not pick and choose which instructions I choose to make mine. Jesus knows me and calls me by name.

This DOES NOT mean that I have never made mistakes. I have fallen. I have strayed. My joy comes from brushing myself off, time and time and time again, to charge headlong back into the race. .. .

What an amazing journey it has been. I do hope and pray that more people brush themselves off and run with me.
For the love of God.
For the love of children.

Alexander I. 8W

How can you not LOVE these lil ones?


Side note:

MAN, I LOVE blogging! I can speak my mind without having to see the faces people make when they hear what I have to say! hahaha. It is AWESOME! I should have started this AGES ago! What freedom!

What a Blessed Day!

He has truly risen. AMEN! Mass today was so beautiful, it gave me goosebumps. I was emotional. It was awesome. It is often difficult to pay attention in Mass with a 2 year old that would rather I pay attention to him. Or he would rather focus on going "potski" ten times an hour. Literally. Today, despite all of that, I was really present and the reward was immense and so needed!

I am reveling in this glorious day, but want to leave some promising information regarding the kiddos in Pleven. Our prayers are being answered. Hallelujah!!

Please read the update here. It is thrilling to hear that eyes and hearts are being opened. .. lives are changing. .. .good news is ALWAYS welcome here!

I will leave you with my super smart looking kiddo. .. ..because he is just far too cute for me not to share.

Mega Millions

As I sit here and dream about what I would have done had I won MegaMillions I am overwhelmed with how much easier my life would be. Surely I could adopt Mark and any other child that caught my heart as money would be no object. I could help so many other children secure families with that money. I would live in a house with storage, not a 1920's house built before closets were "discovered."

I could help my kids at Nyumbani. The children that first stole my heart. Taught me unconditional, fearless love and unending faith. The children that taught me more than I could ever verbalize. . .thankfully I think they all know the depths of my love for them.

I could do SO much good with that money. Not just could, I WOULD.  I really thought that God SHOULD let me win!! I would be an awesome rich person.

But then I think back to the years I spent traveling to and from Kenya. Kenya became my sanctuary. The one place that never failed to center me. The truth of the matter is this: Kenya was my sanctuary due to the simplicity of my life there. There is SO much freedom in simplicity. It is really indescribable.

Life was not easy in Kenya. There was so much heartbreak. So much poverty. Poverty. The likes I had never seen before. So much unrest. So much hard work.  But there was also joy. Loads of joy. Boundless faith. Love.When I first arrived in Kenya the slow pace of life threatened to drive me mad! I could not downshift from the break neck pace of life I had in Oregon. Once I got over that,  my days seemed to last forever, filled to the brim with unforgettable moments. I never lost time in Kenya. I can easily lose hours here. 

I cannot claim to own too many belongings. I do not live an extravagant life. I do not wish to. However, what I do own still seems to easily distract me from what is most important. Life is SO short and yet I waste quite a bit of it in front of the TV. Watching other people live and experience life. What a waste!

I rarely missed TV in Kenya. Hot showers- those I often missed but it never ruined my day. Having to wash my laundry by hand and hang it to dry. . ..not fun. But it was worthwhile work. The lack of fast food was sometimes difficult since I really do not like cooking, but even that was do-able and there was joy when I was actually able to cook on the makeshift stove I had.

The beauty and wonder of my surroundings were never lost on me. It was all I had sometimes to occupy my mind. Well, that and my little Lazarus. (I will definitely need to blog about him and my attempts to adopt him sometime.)

Is he not the cutest little bundle of trouble?? Oh how I love him!

I always marveled at past Lottery winners complaining about how the winnings ruined their lives. I often mocked them and thought how I would never have the problems they experienced. I had discipline and morals. . ..right? I had focus and I didn't need or want to accumulate too much stuff, I just wanted life to be easier.

Back to Kenya. Life was not easy, but I can honestly say, those years were the HAPPIEST of my life. I would not change anything. It does not mean that I am not happy now. I have my family and I could not be more fulfilled. But Kenya, my Kenya. You have given and taken so much from me . . . and it was all worth it. The absence of a TV, a Car, hot showers, McDonald's, more than 2 pairs of shoes, the absence of pride, of comfort. . . .it gave me more than any mega millions win could have.

So, what a long and meandering way to make my point. It is trite and glib to simply say that "money doesn't buy happiness." Well in really considering what life would be like had I had the "good fortune" of winning Megamillions, I wonder what would have been lost. How distracted I may have become from what is really important in life. How many experienced tainted by luxury and how many friendships soured by suspicion and greed? Perhaps the money and responsibility of it would be become burdensome. Perhaps my marriage would have suffered. WHO KNOWS. It is a gift that I won clarity and simplicity instead of money.

Our prayer

I have been blogging endlessly about the kiddos on Reece's Rainbow, but I have also been praying ALL DAY LONG for them.

I decided to tweak our night prayers and instead of relying only on our standard prayers, I invited dear Hubby and Eli to ad-lib some prayers.

Last night, Eli made me cry and laugh at the same time. God bless him!

His prayer "be really useful."
Me; You want Jesus to be really useful?
E: Nooooooo. Giggle. I be really useful.
Me: Oh. You want Jesus to help you be really useful?
E: Yes.

I know this is from Thomas but the purity and universal request made me cry. We ALL should pray that God makes us really useful.

I thank God for my son! He makes me see love in a different light every single moment. He is amazing to me.

God, please help us all to be really useful!

This is your mission if you choose to accept it. . . .

1.  The first and the easiest thing you can do is look at Reece's Rainbow. And talk about it. With your friends. You husband. At your church. At the coffee shop. On your Facebook Page. On your blog. In your sleep. Talk about these children as if they matter. . . .because they do! Spread the word!

I am serious about the effectiveness of option #1! I have emailed the local priests asking them to add this mission to their homilies. To be honest, I suggested that each parish "adopt" one child to pray for, collect donations for and advocate for until that child is adopted. . .then "adopt" another one. This work cannot take a day off!! I have also emailed local newspapers and radio stations. The more eyes and hearts that are opened the better. .. .. try it!

2. If that does not  satisfy your need to help (I certainly hope it doesn't) then Pray! You can sign up to be a Prayer Warrior for a specific child or children. It is free and it's effective! Becoming a Prayer Warrior allowed me to join a super secret society of AWESOME people all praying and advocating for these lovely kids.

3. Donate. It doesn't have to be much. Every little bit helps! Collect your loose change. .. you will be surprised what you can come up with! There are also oodles and oodles of fundraisers and charities for these children. I am going to make it super easy on you and list some great options here:

*The Give a Granny program  pays older women to visit and care for one or two children.
*The Caring for Konner Giveaway is raising funds to help cover adoption expenses
* Reece's Rainbow allows you to either donate to specific children or to families in the process of adopting. The stories are really moving!
*Assist in providing medical care to the most neglected children by donating to the Pleven Medical Fund
* Project Hopeful works to advocate for special needs adoptions as well. There is so much information and fundraising on that page, you really just need to check it out!
*You can help purchase new cots through the cwuha

4. If you are flexible and have the funds (then I am super jealous of you) look into volunteering. These children would benefit SO much just from the attention and care you give them. No qualifications necessary, just a desire to love these children. Again, to make it easier on you, I will list some of the volunteer options I have discovered:
*One Heart lists volunteer opportunities. Look into it!
* Volunteer in the Pleven Orphanage! These are short term volunteer placements.  .totally doable and worth the time! Let's work to fill these placements!

There are really not a lot of volunteer organization groups for Bulgaria at the moment. I have emailed the Catholic Medical Mission Board as well as the Catholic Volunteer Network to see if something can be organized.
(will my name begin to be despised?? Who cares. . .here comes another email from yours truly!)
5. Fundraise. Hold a garage sale. Hold an auction. A party with all proceeds going to these children. Though this might take a little work. . .. it could be very fun AND go a long way in paying a ransom for a child. Talk to your friends, your family, your church. With a little bit of teamwork, a lot can be accomplished!


6. Shop! Yup, it can be that easy! There are several etsy shops that fundraise for Reece's Rainbow. Check them out!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ToCatchRainbows?ref=ss_profile
http://www.etsy.com/shop/WrappingupRainbows?view_type=list
http://www.etsy.com/people/reclaimedfundraising

I know there are more . .. I have seen them but when I went back to search for this post, I could no longer locate them. If you know the shops, feel free to email me or comment them below!



7. ADOPT! Open your home and your heart to one of these precious children and you will be rewarded many times over. This is the greatest thing you could do for one of these children, for yourself and for your family. I pledge to assist in fundraising and moral support if you are willing and able to take this on. I PROMISE!

Wild Abandon

I saw two lives joined together this weekend. My dear friend Ryan found a delightful woman that puts up with him. Not only puts up with him, but loves him. With wild abandon! God is so good! For those out there still searching, have FAITH! Love is out there!
Everyone in attendance celebrated this momentous occasion. Some more than others. Ahem.. .ouch!
Sometimes joy can be as painful as sorrow. Still, I recommend grabbing joy where you can, and holding on for all it's worth.
Last week I had finished shredding old tax documents and the like and I had more than a bag full of shredded paper. Eli had been watching with the rapt attention that only a 2 year old can demonstrate. He was riveted not only by the noise of the shredder but with the paper itself.

I totally got caught up in the joy of watching him discover and experience life. Fueled by this I decided to let life get a little messy...

I turned his drum upside down and poured the entire contents of that bag into it. Eli was giddy! He jumped right into it. Um. . . It was not a well thought out idea. Paper went EVERY where. It clung to Eli's clothing and hair. It was stuck to the bottom of my shoes.

His laughter and whoops filled the air. . . .but did nothing to lessen the frown on dear Hubby's face when he surveyed the ginormous mess in the living room. I had to giggle anyways. Eli was having a fabulous time, incredulous that I was allowing this to happen, he wasn't about to squander a second of it! What was I to do at this point but join in!

WHAT A MESS IT WAS! Paper everywhere! In that lovely vent you can see in the last picture. . .in Eli's hair. I still find random bits of paper falling out of a trucks and toys . . .and it makes me smile.

In a nutshell, that is life. Right? It can get messy. But if you surrender to the joy and the mess that life can be, messy doesn't have to mean disaster and cleaning it up is infinitely more entertaining!

As I have been religiously following the children of Reece's Rainbow, I read about Sam. A lovely boy about to age out of the system. I will not go into detail about what it means to age out of the system in Eastern Europe, instead let us focus on and enable HOPE!

SAMUEL for the Morton family — Ridgeway, VA

Traci and Dave Morton have been married for almost 24 years. They have four children, ranging in age from 8 to 20. Although they had been supporting friends who were in the process of adopting, the Mortons hadn’t seriously considered adopting themselves…until the day that Traci read a blog post and found herself staring at the face of her son. She knew immediately that bringing him home was God’s plan for her family.
The Mortons are grateful for the still, small voice from God that has prompted the much anticipated additions to their family, and very much appreciate your prayers and support along their journey.

3/7/12—HOMESTUDY in PROGRESS

Follow the family’s adoption journey on their blog at http://eightmortons.blogspot.com

This is MESSY and so amazing that I literally cried when I saw he was going to have a home of his own. A family of his own. It took him 16 years to find. .. .

Adoptions are wicked expensive! Please visit the blog of the Morton family working to make Sam their own. It is a good read, a kick ass cause and worthy of a donation!! Look at that smile! And that was taken BEFORE he knew that a family wanted him. Can you imagine his joy now??

So, as I stated above, LOVE IS THERE. . . .you just have to be ready for it in WHATEVER shape or size or condition that it comes in. Where there is love there is joy. Seek it with wild abandon.