KNOWING

My dear friends, I am going to lay something out for you, something you may really dislike me for. I am sorry if you do not want to read this, I do not want to type it, but it has been on my mind constantly for the past 9 months. It is always there. ALWAYS.

Perhaps it is unhealthy, I wont deny that, but what I KNOW is this: once you have seen, you cannot un-see. Once you have heard, you cannot un-hear. Once you know. . .it stays with you forever. You can try to ignore it, move on from it, bury it .. but it will always come back to you, because YOU KNOW. You can try to distract yourself with the hunky Juan Pablo, the quest for more, more, more.. . but once you know.. ..YOU KNOW.

As many of you know, my little miracle Owen burst into our lives 2 months early and tiny as can be. At 32 weeks gestation, he was a 3 lb little wonder. What you may not know is that Evan was born at 30 weeks gestation. I cannot recall how much he weighed at birth and since I cannot read Russian, I have not been able to decipher the information from his paperwork. He must have been teenie. He also, was a tiny fighter.

Owen had parents that loved him immensely, eagerly waiting for the chance to hold him and comfort him. Cheer on his achievements and cherish his presence. Evan sadly did not.

Evan likely spent his days alone in his incubator. His cries unheard. No one to snuggle him or give him the physical contact his tiny body was desperate for. No breastmilk to nourish and comfort his tiny, fighting body.  His achievements and gains went uncelebrated. No one cried happy tears when he was finally strong enough to leave the hospital.

Someone kiss that sad little face!

When he was strong enough to leave the hospital he did not get carefully strapped into a car seat by a mama too nervous to drive over 30 miles per hour despite her desire to get him home and start some serious snuggling. He did not receive the comfort of breast milk, a snuggle or a kiss on the cheek before he was  moved from one lonely existence to another.

From the hospital bed he was placed into another bed, to spend his days fighting to grow and thrive. Eager for any touch, any eye contact that he was given; even if it was an angry look, a rough touch, he craved human interaction. Odds are it was fleeting at best and yet; against the odds he fought on and grew.

at 3 years old, he was wearing 18 months size clothing

For 3 years he held on and fought, finding some joy in his reality, his precious heart still hopeful and protected until we arrived. Indifference is the best these kids can hope for. Neglect, abuse, starvation and the most heinous of mistreatment are sadly common. And yet, they fight on.

But there are more. It is these children, these precious fighting babies that haunt me. Their arms and legs in the air. Their babbles and smiles completely ignored. Their cries of hunger, cries of loneliness that fall on deaf ears until they stop crying and babbling altogether.  It is their eager faces that continue to haunt me.. . so eager to be chosen. To be wanted. The hope so evident and heartbreaking on their little faces.

Babies NEED love and affection to thrive

I hear these cries when I reach to comfort Evan, Opie and Eli. My heart breaks for the many,  many children that suffer indifference.

Never ever should children be treated like this. 

I am so far from a perfect person and an even sorrier excuse for a Mom. I admit I probably have more failures than successes as a Momma, and yet, Evan is growing and healing. He continues to thrive and he just oozes love and affection.

These children don't need amazing parents or families. I assure you again, we are not perfect. They simply need someone to cuddle them. To coo back. To fill their bellies and change their diapers. They need someone to return their trusting smiles. They need to matter because they DO MATTER.

Sweet Zoey passed away last week. She was 8 years old and weighed 10 lbs. Her family was working hard to save her but they were too late. 

Please hear their cries with me and ACT! If you honestly cannot find room at your table, in your heart, in your family, please do not simply ignore them...bury them. I beg of you to count yourself capable. Count yourself worthy. YOU CAN HELP! Share. Pray. Hear them! If you do not....what hope is there?

Some of these children are home, but MANY more wait....

Oh my God

I am not taking HIS name in vain, I assure you. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. The unknowns are many; the paperwork is vast. You must find some perverse pleasure in jumping through hoops. Or maybe all you really need is love. And faith. Faith is truly helpful.

Not only are you opening your heart and home to a child for the rest of your life, you are opening your life to the public. .. opening yourself up for scrutiny. Hoping that people will join you on the journey, to pray and support you. For the most part, this has been the case. People, you have been AWESOME! There are however, people lurking in the shadows and that live to tear down. Sad.

Pasha.. . I KNOW you are worth all of it and more. Every child needs someone to stand up for them. Every. Single. Child.

Receiving rude, demeaning, ill founded messages from people that hide in their anonymity. ..it is this generations version of bullying. Sticks and stones. Sticks and Stones. When I was growing up, if you were going to be awful to someone, you had to own up to it. . man up and do it face to face. This version, well it is just sad. It saddens me and it prompts me pray for those poor souls that feel the need to be mean and then to hide. The internet makes it so  much easier for sad and angry people to lash out. A side effect of the ease, convenience and accessibility that the internet provides, I guess.
Someone recently claimed that bad things WOULD happen BECAUSE God is good. Hmmm.
The God that I know is kind and loving. For Pete's sake HE sent his ONLY SON for me to suffer unspeakable pain. Little old me. That alone tells me that GOD is here. With me. Loving me. Regardless of my failings and my insecurities. Even when someone tells me that HE doesn't love me. I know. My God loves me.

What must life be like for someone that believes that God is capable of orchestrating hurtful and painful scenarios. .. not for any good. The world must be very scary, empty and unsettling. I am again asking for prayers. Please continue to keep my family and Pasha in your prayers, but please include a plea for people that are hurting and are trying to spread that hurt around. God can heal.

Oh, my God. HE is good ALL THE TIME. He wants all things that are good for us. I will not be afraid. I will not dwell on the unknowns, I will trust in God because HE IS SO GOOD! I will not hide. I will not retaliate. I will stand strong. Because God allows me to.

My name is Becki and I endorse this message.

Blitzing for Love

Oh how I wish I could blog about Summer activities, or about how Eli peed on our Sofa the other day. My potty trained boy . ..on our sofa. .. did I mention a really new sofa? Yup. ..

I dream of the day when Blog-blitzes are no longer needed. . . where sweet children do not have to know the sadness of an orphanage, the desperation of a mental institution. Of a day when maybe one or two of these awful buildings will be a memorial of past traumas, like Dachau, honoring the sweet babies that once languished in it's corridors. Today is not that day.

There are faces on Reece's Rainbow that stir my soul. There are faces that spur people into action immediately. Pasha was one of them. . .there is another little boy that was listed recently and less than 24 hours later, he had a family committed to him. That is the ultimate goal.. .families. There are faces that are all but ignored. Stories so touching I cannot help but tear up. There is a list of children (longer than my heart can handle) that have been waiting since the start of Reece's Rainbow. ..years and years and years. Passed over and forgotten.

Megan is a sweet 7 year old girl with Down Syndrome. She should not be defined by her diagnosis anymore than someone with Diabetes or Cancer should. She is a sweet girl with no parents. Her prospects are dire, she is living in an adult mental institution, just doing her best to survive. She has over $23k waiting for the family that is lucky enough to step forward for her. For the blessed family that has the love and courage to say "YES!"

Maxim, oh Maxim. With your bright blue eyes, that gleam with mischievousness. How has that light not been dimmed with the passing of time? Day after day, month after month, year after year, you wait to be loved. . .to belong. I cannot wait for the day I see that your family has found you. I will sob happy tears. .. you belong. .I know you do! I wish I was in a position to bring you into my house and my family. Please know you are already at home in my heart! Read his profile. It will melt your heart, AND it says that he loves to clean! What a bonus!

Daniel. Look at the love and affection that is radiating from this child. (He is the sweet blond kiddo.) How can a family NOT want to welcome that kind of love into their daily lives? How is it possible that he has waited 11 years for the love of a family, when he so clearly knows how to love!?!

Dixon, sadly born into a country that believes that certain lives are simply not worth living. Dixon fights on, proving them wrong every single day. . .the heart of a warrior defying the odds and surviving appalling conditions. Waiting in faith and hope that one day his family will find him and fight along side of him. Look at his picture, he looks like he does not know who to trust. .. someone rescue him!

Andruis is a darling little guy. He is 12. He is so much smaller than a 12 year old, so in need of some love and attention. Some healthy home cooked meals will go a long way! I bet it would not take much love and affection to put a smile on his face.

Oh, seriously. How can any heart stand it? Sweet children. Tossed aside. Neglected, starving. Living in places where the sounds and smells would make us want to retch and run? Sweet children that should smell like shampoo and sunshine, confident in the love of their family. Ready to face the day and grow and love, if only given the chance. I understand it is not easy. It is work. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart. Adoption is what God calls of us, for He has adopted us into His amazing family.

This should not be a reality. See their faces? How can it be that they are in these cribs? Why are they sitting on benches surrounded by rocking, moaning, crying people? It does not have to continue. It doesn't! All it takes is one more family rising to the challenge. Believing that a family cannot have too much love. My family and I are working to make sure there is one less child waiting for a family.. .it can be done. It will change the world. I have to believe that.

It changed the life of this one..  ..it is POSSIBLE! It takes a little love and a little courage. . .but it is SO worth it! One does not need to be an expert on special needs to adopt a child. . .it takes love. That is it!

There are 63 children that have been waiting such a long time. Please feel free to visit the other blogs also shouting for these kiddos. 


 http://gilda-findingpearls.blogspot.com/

 http://wholelottalovin.blogspot.com/

http://melissa-roomatthetable.blogspot.com/

www.orphanreport.blogspot.com

http://lifesbeautifulbutterflies.blogspot.com/

http://inthewildwood7.blogspot.com/

http://departtoserve.blogspot.com/

http://answeringthecallfororphans.blogspot.com/2012/05/dad-who-answered-call.html

clairescalicocorner.blogspot.com

http://wonderofboys.blogspot.com/

http://supermomwithoutacape.blogspot.com/

http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/

http://the-scenic-route-momto6kids.blogspot.com/

www.zerothezeros.blogspot.com

The Blessing of Dirty Floors

Adoption. Can I have one conversation in my life that does not involve our adoption? Nope. It is the nature of the beast. Adoption all but consumes the life of the family that is in the process. Perhaps this is only me.

This is how is it (brace yourself for the crazy): I need to buy groceries. I have made the shopping list 3+ times. . . .but cannot locate it. It goes a little something like this: "Oh yeah, we need pinto beans. And juice for Eli. Oh! That email came in about that document. . .okay, where is that document. . ..Eli, go play. . .HERE'S the document. Awesome. Phew. Eli LEAVE WICKETT ALONE! Okay, what's the email say to do with this document . . Wickett! Stop barking! Please? Document. ELI! Seriously? Leave the dog alone. . .sigh Time Out. Eli. Time out. Ugh, put the paper down. . wait until nap time. But I could just get it done. . .cross it off my list. I just need one more minute. . .and I could cross it off my list!"

Nap time comes around and I realize that I am famished. And exhausted. .. if I could have just a second of quiet. Mindless quiet. .. just a moment. But the laundry is begging to be folded. Begging. Oh. . .another email. Let's see what else I have to get done today. . . Oh, and that first email from this morning, let's take a look at that. . ..

Repeat. All. Day. Long. Dinner time rolls around and what do you know? I have no pinto beans. .. Eli has no juice.

It is nice to have so much information at my fingertips all the time. . .but perhaps it is not good for the psyche. I am nearly done with our dossier. Massive accomplishment. But I am severely burnt out. So, I have put myself in time out. I can only check my phone and email a couple of times a day. Routine needs to be reinstated. Sanity needs restored and groceries are desperately needed.

I stepped away yesterday. Today, I feel a little better. A little less everywhere at once. YAY! The groceries were purchased, but what do you know, I forgot the pinto beans. Awesome.

The house needs a good cleaning. The floor needs mopped. THIS I can do. THIS I CAN DO. I don't need to ask anyone how to do it. I am not relying on a mop. . .good old bucket of water and a cloth. .. .it doesn't need a certain kind of stamp, any special language.. . if I miss something I can easily fix it. Me, cloth, soap, floor. Can life be that simple?
I never thought I would find mopping to be so restorative. . ..therapeutic. Adoption alters reality, I wouldn't change this journey for anything, but really? Mopping is the answer? God has a sense of humor!

Lessons

I have had TaterTot Casserole for at least one meal a day for the past 6 days. I am not sure where I end and the casserole begins. I am sick to death of TaterTot Casserole. . .and yet I am waiting for the microwave to ding so I can get my fill of it for yet ANOTHER MEAL.

Ding... . .lunch is ready. Yippee. Ugh

Being right has a downside and today that downside is covered in cheese. .


I am obsessively trying to trim our grocery expenses. . .I have made menus and shopping lists, clipped coupons and resigned myself to hitting every. store. in. town. Just to get the best deals. My husband fully supports this as long as he doesn't have to eat anything he doesn't want to when he doesn't want to. UGH! It really doesn't help that I am a reluctant cook at best. I have a handful of recipes I can successfully execute. (Rice is not something I excel at. Yes, I am THAT bad. .. . in fact the other day I unsuccesfully hard boiled 7 eggs. How can you mess that up?)

Leftovers are a battle. Every time he gets that studious look on his face and says "what do I want for lunch?" I tell him about our fridge full of leftovers. "Super yummy tatertot casserole would make a delicious and filling lunch." No joy.

So what's a gal to do? Lead by example, right? I have been leading for 6 long days now. . .tatertots are haunting my dreams. My husband however, had a nice lunch of pasta today. .. . while I had. . .. .

 Stubbornly trying to make a point. I am totally on the losing side of this. Waste not = waist more.


My husband cannot stop laughing about this. It seems futile. .. I fear this lesson is falling on deaf ears. Wait a minute, my brain is suffering from cheese overload. What's the lesson?

Married Life

My husband:

Yup, this is my husband. Not Magnum PI...

*refuses to call Soccer soccer, even though football is a completely different sport here in the USA. AND he gets quickly frustrated if people do not catch on that he is talking about Soccer when he says football.

*Uses my toothbrush (reportedly by accident). He furiously denies this until I physically show him his dry toothbrush and my soaking wet toothbrush. . .. over and over and over again. Each time he denies with the same fury as before. I know he is my husband and what's mine is his and all. . .but he should still keep his cooties to  himself. 

*Used to believe that WWF was real. By used to I mean less than 8 years ago. He says he knows the truth now. .. .but he is not convincing anyone. He still thinks it's real.

*Has to have his own dirty clothes hamper by his side of the bed. It is too much to expect for him to walk his dirty clothing 6 more feet to the real dirty clothes hamper. He is probably too exhausted by his furious toothbrush denials. . .

*Cannot have corn with turkey. I have not yet figured this out yet, but he is adamant that this will cause WWIII or the like. 

*Rice can only be served as part of a curry or stir fry. . .or with chili. Other than that, it has no purpose being on a plate. Ever. Don't even try it.

*Spent a week learning to play "Row, Row, Row your Boat" on Eli's play laptop. And now he wants to take his act on the road. Not kidding. (I told him I would consider being his roadie if he could perfect another tune on Eli's guitar. This is still in the works.)

*Owns 15 blue shirts. One green shirt, one brown shirt and one pink and blue shirt. He loves variety.

*Used to call me Petal. I loved this. Campaigning for its return. I prefer it to Giant Farthead and other terms of endearment you currently employ. (please Gavin?)

*Loves his son to bits and bits. He is stuck with me.  . . forever. (evil chuckle)


*May not love this blog entry.

My Love Letter

Oh Lazarus, my child, born of my heart. The son I labored through 7 years for. . . only to fail to make you mine.

Lazarus, you are well on your way to becoming a man. A wonderfully strong, God-trusting, humorous man. I am delighted to know you, my dear. When I met you, you were 7 years old and so packed with mischievous energy, I swear it added a bounce to your step. You were quite possibly the cutest little boy I had ever seen, which is really an incredible statement since you were in an orphanage with over 100 of the dearest, loveliest children I have ever encountered. . .but you. You grabbed my heart and did not let go.

The way you shuffled your feet as you meander on your way, never in a hurry to get anywhere. The way your high pitched cackle could be heard across the yard (and always meant trouble.) The way you always sat next to me at Church, propping your head up on your hand and your elbow resting on my knee. So proprietary. It was as if you knew you had me wrapped around your finger. My heart was yours. I had never loved anything the way that I loved you. But I was a single woman. An American. A selfish, single american. .. head over heels in love with a 7 year old boy that lived across the world from the place I called home.

I left after my "tour of duty" but could not shake my love of you. So after 6 months of prayer and discernment, I returned to Kenya to ask Fr Dag if I could adopt you. I was so terrified and so full of hope. . .when he said "of course!" I literally cried happy tears. I could watch you grow. I could love you for my entire life. . .and provide everything I possibly could. .. I could be a parent to you. I was elated.

I had no idea where this path would take us. I knew that we were family. Whatever that took, we were family. My heart was yours, 100%. No idea that we would be on an emotional roller coaster for so many years. No idea. Please let me apologize for any heartache you endured as a result. I never wanted to bring you anything but love and happiness.

We all know how it ended, Lazarus. That dream ended, though my love for you has not waivered one bit. I still love you like my own child. I still dream of hugging you everyday, of hearing your laughter pierce the room. The spirit and presence and amazing wisdom that you bring into every situation. Though I no longer get to hug you, see you, hear you, you continue to amaze and inspire me. I am so very proud of you. In so many ways. If I could be there to see you cross over into manhood, please know I would be there. . .. the proudest mama. . .it breaks my heart that you are there and I am here, but God does know what HE is doing and we must have faith in HIM.

I want you to know, my dear boy that whenever God allows it, you have a home and a family here with me. With us. I love you to the moon and back, no distance, no time will ever change that! If you choose to remain where you are, I will STILL love you as my own. Nothing will ever change that! As you take this massive step into manhood, you have my full support, my prayers and my love. I am sure if you stay true to who you are and what you believe, you will be an incredible man, that will change the world.

I love you my dear son!


SIDE NOTE:
 I had the good fortune of hosting Lazarus in my house 2 years ago. It was so enlightening and entertaining. I will share some memories so that you all can see just how awesome he really is. 

Laz LOVES om-eggs, when he requests an om-egg, it sounds like he is asking for an om-leg, which really is an omlet. He would eat an om-egg every day if we let him.

 He informed me that he eats v-e-r-y slowly when he enjoys the food that he is eating, except when he is eating oatmeal at an insanely slow pace. He assures me his speed is not because he is enjoying himself.  


He absolutely hates cheese. He cannot stress this fact enough. He hates it, unless it is on a pizza, on a hamburger, in a calzone or on pasta. Then he finds it quite enjoyable, and takes his time enjoying it (see above.)
  
 Salt. Lazarus loves salt. He would probably attempt to put it on his oatmeal if I let him. However, he believes that when he eats too much salt he can dream the future.  He has numerous examples to support this belief.  Gavin has tried to get him to predict who will win the NBA finals. . . .no joy. 

  
 He also believes that with or without salt, he can effectively communicate with dogs. He often tells me exactly what Wicket (our dog) is trying to say when we cannot get him to stop barking. Wicket and Lazarus have become great friends, it seems that speaking the same language helps....

 Now, when I read through this, it sounds like all Lazarus talks about it food. .. this is not the case, but food is an important topic of conversation every day. Lazarus informed us that when he grows up he wants to be a chef in a hotel. I think that is a fantastic goal!!  

Lazarus loves his brother Eli as well. He asked me the other day if he could bring Eli back to Nyumbani with him. I offered him Gavin as a consolation. haha. Lazarus didnt take me up on it. 

 
We had a whirlwind trip for sure, and when I asked Lazarus what the highlight of his stay was he gave the question due consideration and replied "watching my brother Eli get baptized." He is the greatest!! See why I love him so?

The ABCs of this Orphan Crisis

A: ADOPT! ACT! ADVOCATE!  I seriously cannot say this enough, everyone should be shouting out for this kids. Fundraising, donating, advocating. All children should be protected, ESPECIALLY those that cannot but lie in their cribs, accepting their harsh, cruel situation.

B: Believe that change is possible. Bring this issue to the feet of Jesus. Bring your gifts to this cause. YOU could be the missing link that solves the problem. Blog about it. Be brave; brave enough to step out on a limb for a child. This is a battle. A battle for life, for hope. It is a battle that CAN be won.

C: Cheer on all the families working in earnest for these precious souls. Claim a child as your own. Commit yourself to this problem for the long haul. Church: take the plight of these children to your church communities. Prayer can and will move mountains. TRY IT!


Something has to give for the REAL ABCs of this issue:

A:        

Alexander 





Alexandra

B:  Brett



Beau

C:

 

Claudia







Cole

If there was ever something worth fighting for, this would be it! What else are you spending your time on that is worth as much as one of these children. Yup, the cold hard truth about these ABCs. ... get off your butt and get involved! 

still advocating

So, I am still struggling to find the words to spur people into action. I told myself that I would simply focus on my presentation to the Priest on April 18th, but I just cannot leave well enough alone.

There are a couple of things I feel I need to address. First of all, I still cannot get my head around the type of person that can ignore the plight of these children!
         

Sasha

Boy, Born October 27, 2008

  

If I cannot fathom the person that can close thier heart to these children, then it is just from OUTER SPACE that someone has the cajones to insult those that are willing to bring these children into their homes. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE???? It is just unreal.

There are so many excuses that keep people from committing to the plight of orphans. . .. and I am sorry but they are all SO LAME.

Seriously.

The comment that there will always be orphans. . . .that the situation will never change. Well, people that say that and do NOTHING ensure that the situation will never change. Those people are just as responsible for the plight of these kiddos. Choosing to ignore them is making them unloved all over again.

Yes, there will likely always be orphans. . .and there will always be dishes to wash and floors to scrub. Does this mean that I can simply stop washing the dishes? Throw up my hands in defeat because no matter what I do, there will always be more dishes to wash? Of course not. This excuse is nuts.

There are families stepping forward to adopt. .. numerous times. A small number of families adopting again and again . .. . doing all they can to improve the lives of these lovely children. They are HEROS. And yet they are doing what we ALL should be doing. As christians. .. as members of the human race, we should take care of these precious lives.

I find the stories of these EXTRAORDINARY yet ordinary families to be so uplifting. I want to do all I can to see these efforts to fruition. We all should want to participate in this miracle of adoption.

I urge you, no I beg you to read and join in!  Be part of the solution! I hope that my family has the good fortune of being on this list soon!

What I love about being me!

This will be quick as my kiddo decided breakfast was optional today. I normally collect my thoughts over a nice hot cup of coffee, while Eli smears his food all over his hair, face, chair and anything within reach. Hahah, honestly he isn't doing that today, he has just decided that half a banana and 2 raisins is more than enough for his breakfast. Arguing is futile.

So, I have had just such a moving Triduum and Easter weekend. So many graces, inspirations and revelations this weekend. Blessed time with family. LUCKY ME!

The one that is resonating SO loudly with me today is this: being Becki and being Catholic is more than a trip to church on Sunday. It means that when I see something wrong. When I KNOW that Jesus would have me act on something, I am CALLED TO ACT. It doesn't cross my mind that people may think that I have gone off the deep end. I don't identify with people that believe it is just too hard or too sad to do the right thing. Fear does  not register. IT IS WRONG.

There are children being horribly mistreated. Living horrifically deprived lives. Dying preventable and awful deaths. CHILDREN. BABIES. Who can look the other way? Who would CHOOSE to? NOT ME.

I am going to repeatedly quote these Bible verses. .. . maybe until they sink in for someone else. Until I can quote them from memory.  All it takes is ONE person to make a difference. . .

Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, "Give them up!" and to the south, "Do not hold them back." Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth  (Isaiah 43:5-6)

You are the helpers of the fatherless.  (Psalm 10:14)

It is not the will of your Father that one of these little ones should perish. (Matthew 18:14)

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress. (James 1:27)

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves…defend the rights of the needy. (Proverbs 31:8,9)


I have heard from more than one person that life should be fun. .. .about the pursuit of "fun." Really? I hope for a much richer life experience. I believe that if you are living as Jesus would have you live, there will be joy. An abundance of it. A reduction of fear. An outpouring of love. I would take that over fun ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!  I have on occassion, experienced this joy and freedom. It is well worth the effort!

I proudly state that I am Catholic. I hope my actions speak even louder. I work to make that the case. "Let them know we are Christians by our LOVE."  The Scriptures above do not say "take care of the needy if you feel like it." "if you have a big enough retirement account." "After you have purchased the house/car/vacation of your dreams" These are instructions, period, and I for one will continue to follow. I will not pick and choose which instructions I choose to make mine. Jesus knows me and calls me by name.

This DOES NOT mean that I have never made mistakes. I have fallen. I have strayed. My joy comes from brushing myself off, time and time and time again, to charge headlong back into the race. .. .

What an amazing journey it has been. I do hope and pray that more people brush themselves off and run with me.
For the love of God.
For the love of children.

Alexander I. 8W

How can you not LOVE these lil ones?


Side note:

MAN, I LOVE blogging! I can speak my mind without having to see the faces people make when they hear what I have to say! hahaha. It is AWESOME! I should have started this AGES ago! What freedom!

The Second Station: Jesus carries His Cross:

What a moving Good Friday I have had. Such a heavy heart today. I went to Stations of the Cross today prepared to beg for the children of Reece's Rainbow. To unite their suffering with Jesus'. God was prepared for me. Left me speechless. I am going to print the prayer that was impossible for me to voice with the rest of the participants. I am inserting the pictures I had in my head as I was praying. (You're welcome.)


"Who would believe what we have heard? To whom has the arm of  the Lord been revealed? He grew up like a sapling before him, like a shoot from the parched earth;




 there was in him no stately bearing to make us look at Him,

no appearance that would attract us to him.

He was rejected and avoided by men,

a man of suffering, accustomed to infirmity,

one of those from whom men turn away, and we held him in no esteem." (Is.53, 1-3)

(From the same station)
"Father in heaven, your Son, Jesus Christ still carries his cross in his persecuted brothers and sisters throughout the world. Make us feel the needs of all persons so that we might as readily help them as we would help Jesus himself."


I gave that one a BIG Amen (the only word in the two above paragraphs I was able to say out loud.)

God was ready for my pleas, he understands the need. He calls US to act. He calls ME to act.

Please God, knock down all the barriers in my life that prevent me from fully welcoming these children into my heart and my home. Show me how to help carry the cross these children bear. Resurrect my soul from the despair of inaction.

AMEN.

Knackered

Oh, I feel like complaining. And I shouldn't. At all. Precious Eli was up several times for no apparent reason. I thought he had a nightmare for the way he was crying and shaking. I hate that hiccup cry, it breaks my heart. Yes, perhaps I am a complete pushover for my son, but there you have it.

So, I picked him up and he asked for "rock n roll" which he asks for when he wants me to  cuddle him and rock him in the rocker. So cute. I squeezed him until he was able to quit hiccuping. Until he grew heavy in my arms. Until his sweet eyelids fluttered closed. Until my eyes grew heavy again. And then a bit longer. And a little longer after that. When I eventually put him in his bed, he slowly lifted his head and said "hi mama" and fell back to sleep. He is my little love bug.

But then I could not  sleep.  How LUCKY my sweet Eli is to have a Mama so willing to hold him when he is scared. Comfort him when he is sad or hurt. Snuggle him when he would rather be playing. He has what so many kids don't even dare to dream of.

Not just kids in Eastern Europe. Not just children with Special Needs. I feel very called to bring a Downs child home because of my personal life experience. Not everyone feels called to that. I understand that. On the flip side, God instructed us to care for widows and orphans. PERIOD. Not if it fits into our plans. Not if it is comfortable. Not if we feel called to it. He told us to care for them. PERIOD. This does not seem open to negotiation.

Those babies are crying, with no one to revel in the warmth of their cuddles. To watch their eyes slowly closed, secure in their Parent's arms. Every child deserves this, but SO MANY go with out. THAT IS THE BIGGEST SHAME. A crime. A reversible wrong.

I had committed to posting a child a day on my Facebook page for the month of March in honor of  World Down Syndrome Day. I am sure people are groaning into their coffees right now. . .but I cannot stop. My heart and conscience will not allow it. These children get no break. No respite. So how would I justify one?

Kolya 15H

Boy, Born July 2000

6e1n-15H

Look at the personality in this kid! Oh My Goodness! He is so full of life, And hope. And promise. And here I am feeling grumpy for my lack of sleep. I need to learn from this little love! My life is surely blessed!

I leave you snippet of my favorite church song.

Off the deep end

So my dear hubby is convinced that I have gone and lost it. Completely. Maybe he is right? I am so grateful for the love and support and camaraderie I have found with the Reece's Rainbow crew. Their mission mirrors mine and I am so thankful to have found them! There are some really amazing people doing even more amazing things. . . .sacrificing all for the little angels that are in so much need.

Families are praying. Fundraising and adopting. It is really so incredible. Sadly there is trend in messages on there however, MEN, you are the brawn in our families. The heads of our hearts. The big, strong shoulders we rely on. It is time for battle. This is bigger than our desire to love babies. WE NEED YOUR HELP! This IS a problem you can fix! Our lives can no longer be about building a more comfortable life for ourselves, though we appreciate that sentiment. It can no longer be about finding the easiest path and staying on it forever. There is a wrong being committed and WE MUST STOP IT! HOW????? Open our arms, open our wallets and give our lives over to those that need us most. Complete sacrifice. How scary is that?? REALLY FLIPPING SCARY. But MEN are designed for battle. They are our protectors, so WHO BETTER to assist in this ministry?? Gear up soldiers!! Head into battle! This is one that we can WIN! These children cannot help themselves out of this hell, it is our responsibility. I, for one, will not look away!

Hahaha, I am sitting at my kitchen table crying. Perhaps I have crossed the line and am completely off my rocker.

I have been having such a difficult time sleeping these days, which really does not help my mental state. As I say my evening prayers, the faces of each child pops in my head. Visions of emaciated children. Vacant stares. Children that may never live to know how precious they truly are. I am not wired to handle it! It is just too awful.

I remember the Ethiopian famine. I remember hoardes of Actors and Musicians eager to assist. I remember"We Are the World."  I was moved to tears then. I just really believe that children SHOULD NOT SUFFER. It is a tragedy. The (INSERT numerous curse words here. .. . I just had to break for my son to have his morning constitutional and the first key I hit wiped out an AWESOME rant!)))) @#$@#$%%%$#
The shocking nature of the orphan crisis in Eastern Europe is that it is not resulting from a drought, natural disaster or other unavoidable circumstance. Nope this is brought on by a drought of kindness. Of love. A complete surrender to fear, to selfishness. This can and should be something that NEVER happens. NOT ON OUR WATCH! This is a holocaust that needs to be brought to an end.

So I tried everything to sleep last night. Nothing worked. When crying myself to sleep didn't work either, I decided to take my case to a higher level. To the CHURCH.
Oh. .. .to be those poor Priests that received my email this morning. hahah, please join me in prayer that they don't just write me off as a mentally unstable woman. This is a matter that our faith community should know about. ... be heartbroken about and RECTIFY!

We are called to community. We are called to love. LOVE is what will bring these children home. Please pray that my emails strike a chord and homilies shout out the cries of these children. Let's pray that legions of people are shaken out from under their cloaks of indifference and spurred into action.

It is my fervent prayer that Churches around the world rise up to answer the call of these children. Join me in battle!!