Oh my God

I am not taking HIS name in vain, I assure you. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. The unknowns are many; the paperwork is vast. You must find some perverse pleasure in jumping through hoops. Or maybe all you really need is love. And faith. Faith is truly helpful.

Not only are you opening your heart and home to a child for the rest of your life, you are opening your life to the public. .. opening yourself up for scrutiny. Hoping that people will join you on the journey, to pray and support you. For the most part, this has been the case. People, you have been AWESOME! There are however, people lurking in the shadows and that live to tear down. Sad.

Pasha.. . I KNOW you are worth all of it and more. Every child needs someone to stand up for them. Every. Single. Child.

Receiving rude, demeaning, ill founded messages from people that hide in their anonymity. ..it is this generations version of bullying. Sticks and stones. Sticks and Stones. When I was growing up, if you were going to be awful to someone, you had to own up to it. . man up and do it face to face. This version, well it is just sad. It saddens me and it prompts me pray for those poor souls that feel the need to be mean and then to hide. The internet makes it so  much easier for sad and angry people to lash out. A side effect of the ease, convenience and accessibility that the internet provides, I guess.
Someone recently claimed that bad things WOULD happen BECAUSE God is good. Hmmm.
The God that I know is kind and loving. For Pete's sake HE sent his ONLY SON for me to suffer unspeakable pain. Little old me. That alone tells me that GOD is here. With me. Loving me. Regardless of my failings and my insecurities. Even when someone tells me that HE doesn't love me. I know. My God loves me.

What must life be like for someone that believes that God is capable of orchestrating hurtful and painful scenarios. .. not for any good. The world must be very scary, empty and unsettling. I am again asking for prayers. Please continue to keep my family and Pasha in your prayers, but please include a plea for people that are hurting and are trying to spread that hurt around. God can heal.

Oh, my God. HE is good ALL THE TIME. He wants all things that are good for us. I will not be afraid. I will not dwell on the unknowns, I will trust in God because HE IS SO GOOD! I will not hide. I will not retaliate. I will stand strong. Because God allows me to.

My name is Becki and I endorse this message.

Mega Millions

As I sit here and dream about what I would have done had I won MegaMillions I am overwhelmed with how much easier my life would be. Surely I could adopt Mark and any other child that caught my heart as money would be no object. I could help so many other children secure families with that money. I would live in a house with storage, not a 1920's house built before closets were "discovered."

I could help my kids at Nyumbani. The children that first stole my heart. Taught me unconditional, fearless love and unending faith. The children that taught me more than I could ever verbalize. . .thankfully I think they all know the depths of my love for them.

I could do SO much good with that money. Not just could, I WOULD.  I really thought that God SHOULD let me win!! I would be an awesome rich person.

But then I think back to the years I spent traveling to and from Kenya. Kenya became my sanctuary. The one place that never failed to center me. The truth of the matter is this: Kenya was my sanctuary due to the simplicity of my life there. There is SO much freedom in simplicity. It is really indescribable.

Life was not easy in Kenya. There was so much heartbreak. So much poverty. Poverty. The likes I had never seen before. So much unrest. So much hard work.  But there was also joy. Loads of joy. Boundless faith. Love.When I first arrived in Kenya the slow pace of life threatened to drive me mad! I could not downshift from the break neck pace of life I had in Oregon. Once I got over that,  my days seemed to last forever, filled to the brim with unforgettable moments. I never lost time in Kenya. I can easily lose hours here. 

I cannot claim to own too many belongings. I do not live an extravagant life. I do not wish to. However, what I do own still seems to easily distract me from what is most important. Life is SO short and yet I waste quite a bit of it in front of the TV. Watching other people live and experience life. What a waste!

I rarely missed TV in Kenya. Hot showers- those I often missed but it never ruined my day. Having to wash my laundry by hand and hang it to dry. . ..not fun. But it was worthwhile work. The lack of fast food was sometimes difficult since I really do not like cooking, but even that was do-able and there was joy when I was actually able to cook on the makeshift stove I had.

The beauty and wonder of my surroundings were never lost on me. It was all I had sometimes to occupy my mind. Well, that and my little Lazarus. (I will definitely need to blog about him and my attempts to adopt him sometime.)

Is he not the cutest little bundle of trouble?? Oh how I love him!

I always marveled at past Lottery winners complaining about how the winnings ruined their lives. I often mocked them and thought how I would never have the problems they experienced. I had discipline and morals. . ..right? I had focus and I didn't need or want to accumulate too much stuff, I just wanted life to be easier.

Back to Kenya. Life was not easy, but I can honestly say, those years were the HAPPIEST of my life. I would not change anything. It does not mean that I am not happy now. I have my family and I could not be more fulfilled. But Kenya, my Kenya. You have given and taken so much from me . . . and it was all worth it. The absence of a TV, a Car, hot showers, McDonald's, more than 2 pairs of shoes, the absence of pride, of comfort. . . .it gave me more than any mega millions win could have.

So, what a long and meandering way to make my point. It is trite and glib to simply say that "money doesn't buy happiness." Well in really considering what life would be like had I had the "good fortune" of winning Megamillions, I wonder what would have been lost. How distracted I may have become from what is really important in life. How many experienced tainted by luxury and how many friendships soured by suspicion and greed? Perhaps the money and responsibility of it would be become burdensome. Perhaps my marriage would have suffered. WHO KNOWS. It is a gift that I won clarity and simplicity instead of money.